


Look at where we are, look at where we started

by cristianos



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Big spoon Hinata Shouyo, Bokuto Koutarou is a good big bro, Car Accident, Happy Ending, Hinata just wants to keep Kageyama safe forever, Hurt/Comfort, I researched this more than my own thesis, Injury Recovery, Lesbian Yachi Hitoka, M/M, Paralysis, Paraplegia, Post-Time Skip, handjob, hinata is a mess, hinata post brazil, images of a car accident, just in chapter 1 tho and not too graphic, no beta we die like men, when will Kageyama Tobio catch a break
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:01:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 59,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25329727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cristianos/pseuds/cristianos
Summary: When Kageyama is paralyzed from the waist down in a car accident and can no longer play volleyball, he ends up pushing everyone he loves away. But he and Hinata have come this far and have their whole lives ahead of them, so what happens now that their lives have been so drastically changed?"Kageyama ate, breathed, and slept volleyball. What was left of him when you took that away?"
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 56
Kudos: 147
Collections: Creative Chaos Discord Recs





	1. You were mine to lose

Hinata remembered exactly where he was when he heard the news of Kageyama’s accident. He was sitting in a restaurant booth at Onigiri Miya, with Bokuto and Akaashi on his right and Sakusa and Atsumu on his left. Bokuto and Akaashi were involved in a rapid-fire side argument (Hinata wasn’t very worried, it would only end with Bokuto leaving kisses on Akaashi’s jaw), and Sakusa and Atsumu were silently taking slow sips of their beer while leaning into each other. Hinata was playing with the seaweed wrap on his third onigiri, his appetite nonexistent despite a day of grueling practice.

“You ok Shouyou-kun?” Atsumu set his beer down on the table and leaned away from Sakusa to lay his head on Hinata’s shoulder.

“Just sleepy,” he responded by dropping his head on top of Atsumu’s. Hinata had spent the whole night tossing and turning, unable to sleep for more than half an hour at a time. Practice that day had also been a doozy and Hinata thought he might rather be at home in his bed than in Atsumu’s brother’s restaurant. But being surrounded by his friends always raised his spirits and he silently thanked himself for agreeing to go out for dinner instead of going straight home after practice. Hinata looked up to the TV at their booth at the exact moment the news program was transitioning to sports. The restaurant was pretty loud, with bustling waiters and happy families so it was almost impossible to hear exactly what they were saying. He snuggled closer into the side of Atsumu’s body but was interrupted as a picture of Hinata’s best friend (and ex-boyfriend) Kageyama Tobio flashed on the screen, clad in his white Schweiden Adlers jersey. He jumped in his seat suddenly and almost unconsciously; his right knee clashed with Bokuto’s left which jolted him out of his discussion with Akaashi. Bokuto turned to face Hinata and words began to leave his mouth, but the shop had grown eerily quiet, almost too quiet. Every customer in the shop was not a volleyball fanatic but it was no secret that the owner of the shop was the brother of MSBY Black Jackal’s star setter. The team were regulars at the shop and whenever they were in attendance eating onigiri, the restaurant would be crowded to full capacity. Bokuto took in Hinata’s silent and frozen expression and followed his gaze to the TV. Everyone in the shop seemed to be on the edge of their seats following the anchorwoman’s every word.

“It is a sad day for sports fans everywhere as we receive news that Japan’s 24-year-old volleyball starlet Kageyama Tobio has been involved in a devastating car crash. Kageyama is the starting setter for the division 1 volleyball team, the Schweiden Adlers. Kageyama was the only person in the car at the time and there are no other confirmed injuries. Kageyama remains in critical condition and it is still unclear what caused the accident,” Hinata watched as the anchorwoman’s lips continued to move but he couldn’t hear a word. The sounds around him had become muffled as if somebody had suddenly plunged his head into a pool of cold water. He could see her lips moving but she was inaudible. He noticed patrons around them raising their hands to their mouths and shaking their heads slowly. Scenes of the crash site had suddenly flashed onto the screen.

The crash site was illuminated by the red and blue lights of ambulances and police cars. Kageyama’s black car lied upside-down with its tires up, resembling a giant, dreadful black beetle that was trying to right itself. Hinata’s body felt very numb. Even though it was dark, the blood splashed on the shatters of windshield glass littering the floor was visible. The scene was awful and the onigiri from his dinner began to quickly rise up Hinata’s throat. He desperately pushed at Bokuto’s side who immediately got the message as he and Akaashi scrambled out of the restaurant booth. Hinata clasped his hand over his mouth as he ran for the bathroom barely making it to the toilet as the contents of his breakfast, lunch, and dinner came spilling out of him. He sat there, staring down at the toilet for what seemed like hours as his brain harassed him with imaginary images of what Kageyama’s mangled, bloody body should have looked like as paramedics pulled him out of the car.

Hinata wasn’t entirely sure when he started crying or when Atsumu had rushed into the bathroom, knelt down beside him, and took him in his arms. He still felt like he was submerged underwater and couldn’t hear a word that was coming out of his mouth. He could feel Atsumu’s beating heart next to his; it was racing unbelievably fast and felt like it was about to burst out of his chest. It wasn’t until later that he realized that hadn’t been Atsumu’s heart but his own.

Somebody else entered the bathroom to help Atsumu lift Hinata up from the ground. It was Bokuto. Hinata felt cold, tired, numb, unable to move. He wanted to scream but he was drained of energy. If they had let him, he probably would have just collapsed on the bathroom floor of Onigiri Miya and curled up in a ball. But his friends wouldn’t leave him.

Atsumu and Bokuto helped him out of the bathroom as Akaashi walked in to flush and clean the rim of the toilet. Sakusa held the door open from them, his face mask securely placed over his mouth and nose and a stone-cold expression in his eyes. Atsumu and Bokuto led Hinata out through the back door of the restaurant. Hinata’s hearing came rushing back to him as the bustling noises of a busy, nighttime, downtown Tokyo jolted him back to the present. Sakusa had disappeared to bring the car around back. No word was exchanged between any of them as Hinata remained latched onto Bokuto like a small child. His face was buried in Bokuto’s solid chest, with his thick biceps wrapped around his back, and he could hear Bokuto whispering soft words into his ear. Although Hinata couldn’t see what was happening, he heard the sound of a car pulling up behind them.

“Come on Shou-kun, let’s get you out of here,” Bokuto whispered and Hinata turned around. Atsumu was holding the back-passenger door open. Akaashi walked around the length of the car to get in through the other side. Hinata slid into the car with Bokuto right behind him. When everyone was inside the car, Sakusa looked into the rearview mirror to catch a glimpse of Hinata, head buried into the side of Bokuto’s chest. He sighed, as he made a U-turn to drive out of the parking lot. The sight of Onigiri Miya soon became a tiny spot in the rearview mirror and nobody said a word. 

* * *

The four friends agreed not to leave Hinata alone that night. They all crammed into Hinata’s bedroom to sleep, Atsumu squeezed into Hinata’s bed next to him, Sakusa took the couch, while Bokuto and Akaashi slept on the floor. Hinata laid at the edge of his bed, with his back up against Atsumu’s. He had pretended to fall sleep because he knew his friends wouldn’t have dared sleep until he had. After he was sure the rhythmic snores and breaths of his teammates and Akaashi meant they were all sound asleep, he opened his eyes and stared into the darkness.

How could he sleep when Kageyama laid miles away in a hospital bed, possibly on the brink of death? He tried to shake the thought out of his head and replace it with the positive reinforcing thought of Kageyama’s survival. Kageyama couldn’t die now, he would live because he would never let Hinata hear the end of it if he did. They were Kageyama and Hinata: a literal match made in heaven. Hinata was Kageyama’s “someone stronger,” and Kageyama was the one who gave him everything… who helped him achieve greatness. Kageyama couldn’t leave him now…. they still had their whole lives ahead of them. Hinata had already wasted years of his life ignorant to the feelings he held for Kageyama. It had taken Hinata a very long time to realize he had been in love with Kageyama. He had once thought it was just admiration mixed with slight jealousy but that very clearly hadn’t been the case. For either of them.

Hinata couldn’t take any more of this, he felt like he was drowning, unable to breathe. He needed to get out of here and get some air. He slowly pushed himself to a sitting position, moving with the slightest movement as to not shake the bed. When he didn’t hear Atsumu protest, he stood up. Careful to step over the heap on the floor that was Bokuto and Akaashi, Hinata grabbed his sweatshirt, joggers, and phone from his nightstand. He slowly made his way out of the room, shutting the door slowly behind him. He was absolutely certain he needed to get out of his apartment and not allow his thoughts to swallow his mind into oblivion. Grabbing his keys and slipping on his running shoes, he slipped out the front door and stepped into the cold night air of downtown Tokyo. With no plan in mind and oblivious to the late hour, Hinata took off running. He didn’t want to think about Kageyama dying anymore because Kageyama wasn’t going to die. He wasn't sure what he would do if he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! I've been working on this for a while and it's my crack at my first published work so lmk what you think. the manga ends this Sunday and I don't know how to cope with that fact. lmk if you do!


	2. I think I've seen this film before, and I didn't like the ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a little long but please let me know what you think! angst incoming but comfort coming later,,,, 
> 
> supportive sister Miwa ugh I love her so much, Natsu will show up at some point too because we love sisters.
> 
> TW: also Kageyama mentions the car accident and briefly describes how it felt

Hinata learned the next day from Hoshiumi that Kageyama had been taken to the University of Tokyo hospital intensive care unit. Hoshiumi said Kageyama had a rocky night going in and out of critical condition but had since been placed in a medically induced coma and was now in serious but stable condition.

“Hoshiumi, thank you so much. I’m really grateful for this,” Hinata gave a sigh of relief and a said a tiny prayer of thanks when he learned Kageyama was in stable condition

“My pleasure. I’ll let you know if there are any updates from coach. The team wants to go visit him but we’re not sure if we’ll be able to,”

“Thanks, Hoshiumi. Thank you so much.”

“It’s no problem at all, Hinata. I’ll talk to you later, ok?” The phone dial clicked and Hinata was left staring at his phone. The gang had left earlier after Hinata assured them he was _“a-ok”_ , and he’d see them later that day at practice. They all departed unwillingly but since they had only brought one car, it was all of them or none of them. Hinata’s phone had been going off intensely since early that morning, various texts from high school teammates and friends who all knew he was playing in the same league as Kageyama.

Most of the texts and calls had been expected. All of the Karasuno volleyball players Hinata and Kageyama had played with had reached out to him. Kenma, Kindaichi, and Kunimi had also left him messages on how Kageyama was doing and if there was anything they could do to help. Other calls had taken Hinata off guard such as one from Oikawa who had left him a frantic voicemail from Argentina asking if he had any news on Kageyama’s condition. He hadn’t been able to give anyone a proper response until his call with Hoshiumi.

He immediately sent a text to all three of their old volleyball team group chats, letting everyone know Kageyama was in a coma but in stable condition for now. His texts received a dozen thankful responses in less than five minutes. Hinata then turned to their class of 2015 volleyball group chat. Yachi had resurrected the group chat that very morning, sending them all a gut-wrenching voice message filled with sobs that had made Hinata’s skin crawl. Tsukki and Yamaguchi had sent text messages a little after, trying to comfort Yachi and asking Hinata for any updates on Kageyama.

Hinata thought for a second against sending his own voice message but decided he probably should. Although Yachi had burst into tears during her own voice message, it had still been really good to hear her voice. Perhaps they’d feel the same way hearing his?

“Hey friends. Uhm…. yea so Hoshiumi let me know Tobio’s in stable condition for now in the ICU. He should be making a gradual recovery. Hoshiumi didn’t know much else except which hospital he was at. I want to visit him but I’m not sure if I can because it’s probably family only. I…. I don’t know what to do but thanks for reaching out.” He paused thinking of how to end his message, “Wish you were here because fuck… I feel so alone.”

* * *

“Yo, Sho-kun watch out!” He heard Bokuto’s yell but was left without time to react. The ball Bokuto served came right at him, hitting his left cheek like a slap that caused his eyes to water. Hinata stumbled a bit from the force but caught his momentum before he tumbled to the ground. Bokuto had rushed over to the other side of the court in a moment and helped him up to his feet.

“Shit, are you ok? I didn't mean to hit you, I’m so sorry, Sho-kun,” Bokuto had a defeated expression on his face, his eyes soft and his lips forming a little frown. 

“Don’t worry Bokuto-san, I should have been paying more attention,” Hinata gave him a forced smile before a whistle blew three times and Coach Foster called him over to the sidelines.

“Hinata-kun,” Coach Foster sighed looking up at him with tired eyes. It was no secret that Hinata had been terribly off his game the entire week. He hadn’t been himself for days and it was as if a carbon copy of Hinata was at practice instead of him. The result had been Hinata bringing down the mood of the whole team considerably, but no one could blame him. Everyone on the team knew about Hinata and Kageyama’s past and they had all tried their best to cheer Hinata up to the best of their ability. Unfortunately, no one but Bokuto had been successful in the slightest so Hinata proceeded through the week in a gloomy daze. 

“Go home now and rest up please. And put your game face back on first thing Monday morning, ok?” Hinata nodded slowly. “I know this is difficult and it’s going to take some time to process. But right now, Hinata-kun, I need you to take care of yourself,” Hinata nodded again and turned around without saying a word. The team all yelled goodbyes as he picked up his water bottle and sports towel and headed for the exit.

* * *

Hinata stared up at the tall, grey building in front of him, the cool air whipping around his body. It was early on a chilly Saturday morning when Hinata arrived at the steps of the hospital. Hoshiumi had called him last night to tell him that Kageyama had finally been moved from the ICU to a regular room a couple days ago after he had woken up from his coma. He also had said that no one on the team had been able to visit him because his parents had set up a strict family only policy (“Coach couldn’t even go Hinata! Maybe you should wait until he gets released,”). But Hinata really didn’t care. He’d make it up to Kageyama’s room somehow even if it was the last thing he did. ~~~~

He shoved his hands into his sweatshirt pocket and walked up the stairs into the main lobby of the University of Tokyo hospital. The hospital was a bustling sight and it was much busier than Hinata had expected for a Saturday morning. He walked straight up to the line formed behind the receptionist and waited to be called up. The receptionist was a young woman with square glasses, and short black hair that framed her face perfectly. She gave Hinata a warm smile as he approached.

“Patient and room number?” She asked.

“Kageyama Tobio, room #532.” He replied swiftly. Her eyes suddenly peaked up in interest at the mention of Kageyama’s name.

“Are you a relative, sir?”

“Uhm no but-”

“I’m sorry sir but the Kageyamas have set up a strict family only policy. Even his teammates haven’t been able to visit. I’m very sorry.” Hinata sighed in defeat. He was at a loss for words. He glanced down at her name hoping to use it and get some sort of empathy points. It was Mei.

“Mei, please. I’m his best friend. I haven’t been able to sleep or focus on anything but him. I have to see him.” He was pleading, hoping his tear-filled eyes would drive her over the edge. She shook her head silently.

“I’m really sorry sir, but I can’t let you up. I’m sorry.” Hinata rubbed his eyes quickly and mumbled a thank you before turning away. He wanted to scream and yell and hit something. He shoved his hands back into his sweatshirt and walked out the front doors back into the frigid cold. He was halfway down the front steps when the sound of his name being yelled caused him to look up from his feet. About a hundred yards away stood Kageyama’s older sister, Miwa, waving at him. He hadn’t seen Miwa in years, but she looked like she hadn’t aged a day. She walked over briskly and as she approached, he noticed the deep, dark bags under her bloodshot eyes. Her face was make-up free and her hair was pulled back into a messy, low bun.

“Miwa-san,” he gave her a pained smile and Miwa returned an equally pained one before grabbing him in a hug.

“Come here you.” She chuckled. Hinata remembered when he used to be shorter than her and now, he was probably an inch taller than her.

“How are you holding up?” He asked as she pulled away.

“I’ve definitely had better days but thank you for asking.” She pushed stray hairs from her bangs out of her eyes.

“You weren’t able to go up and see him, were you?” She queried; an eyebrow raised.

“No, don’t worry. They’re being pretty strict on the family only policy. I was basically crying to the receptionist and she still wouldn’t let me pass.” Miwa nodded and muttered something under her breath.

“Mom and dad are up there right now. They only leave to eat and were taking turns sleeping in the ICU with him. It’s been a pretty rough week,”

“How is he?” Hinata asked, his voice unbelievably quiet.

“Stable.” She said firmly giving him another weak smile.

“He was in a medically induced coma and finally woke up which is why they moved him out of the ICU. He’s tired and weak but smiling and pretty damn calm if you ask me. My mom’s been crying a lot though and that hasn’t been the best for him, but I think we’re on our way up from here.” She stopped and closed her eyes, as if meticulously calculating her next words.

“Something serious happened to Tobio, Hinata-kun. Word hasn’t gotten out which we’re thankful for. The only people who know are us and his coach. Even his teammates don’t know yet. We thought it’d be best for him to decide when and how to break the news, so we’ve just been waiting. We didn’t want to take away his autonomy,”

“Serious... how?” A million and one possibilities raced through Hinata’s brain. Permanent scarring? Permanent brain damage? Amputation? He felt sick to his stomach and he willed himself not to hurl right there and then.

“He’s alive and that’s what matters so I’ll let him tell you. I’m going to send my parents to his apartment to sleep now and take their place,” She frowned a little.

“You know, even after you broke up Tobio would still talk about you all the time,” it was only one sentence but Hinata’s heart still ached and basically crumbled.

“You want to come up with me to see him, Hinata-kun? You’re probably the one person he knows best in this whole God-forsaken city. I’m sure he won’t mind, you’re basically his family at this point,”

“More than anything,” Hinata replied as Miwa led the walk back up the stairs to the hospital lobby.

The receptionist was surprised to see Hinata again and she might’ve even thought he had bribed Miwa to let him up to Kageyama’s room.

“He’s my guest.” Miwa said adamantly and the receptionist nodded her head, writing their names down on the visitors list. She handed over their visitor stickers with one last eyebrow raise and Hinata followed Miwa to the elevator that would take them up to the fifth floor.

* * *

When Kageyama’s mother walked out of his hospital room, flanked by his dad, Hinata was at a loss for words. Kageyama’s mother was of the kindest human beings he had ever met, and he hadn’t realized how much he missed her until he was in Rio, longing for her delicious milk bread and huge, loving hugs. She didn’t hesitate a bit before grabbing his shoulders and pulling him into a hug. The only word she said was “Shouyou,” but that was all he really needed. When she finally pulled away, his eyes were glistening with tears.  
  
“I’m happy to see you and happy you came, Shouyou,” she said before she turned to Miwa.

“He’s trying his best to stay awake, but he keeps dozing off,”

“Thanks mom. Get some rest please. I’m not going to leave his side, I promise. I love you.” She gave her mom and dad a quick peck on the cheek. Hinata watched them as they walked away.

“Hinata-kun,”

“Yes?”

“Will you wait for a second? I’m just going to let him know you’re here to see him.”

“Of course,” Miwa smiled and walked into the hospital room. It felt like hours before she returned even though it couldn’t have been more than five minutes.

“I’m breaking my mom’s promise already, but he wants to see you alone,” Hinata’s heart rate began to quicken. He had no idea what he’d say to Kageyama when they were finally face to face.

“I’m going up to the café to get some coffee, it’s the one thing I need right now. Tobio’s still on a lot of pain medication though and he’s a bit drowsy and a bit high so don’t worry if he just falls asleep on you. If he does though, would you wait until I get back to leave?”

“Of course, Miwa-san.”

“Thanks, Hinata-kun,” She gave him another smile but this time it didn’t look as pained.

“I’ll see you in a bit.” She gave him a reassuring squeeze on his shoulder before watching him step into Kageyama’s hospital room.

* * *

Hinata pulled back the privacy curtain that separated the inside of the room from the doorway. It was a comfy single room with ample space. Kageyama sat on his hospital bed, his torso propped up with two pillows. His left eye was bruised and puffy, rimmed by a deep semi-circle of stitches and little, dried cuts lined the rest of his face. His left arm was in a cast and his legs were neatly laid out in front of him, a blue blanket covering them. When Hinata walked in, Kageyama had his eyes half-closed with his chin resting on his chest. The rustling of the privacy curtain caused him to perk his head up.

“Hey dumbass,” he said, a tiny smirk lifting his lips. His voice was quiet and raspy. Hinata walked over to his right side, opting to sit on the bed rather than on the chair next to him. From this close, Hinata noticed that four of the fingers of his left side had been individually splinted; they were all broken. Maybe that’s what Miwa had meant when she said something serious had happened. Kageyama wouldn’t be able to set anymore, at least not for a very long time with a whole lot of physical therapy involved. The side of Hinata’s thigh was touching Kageyama’s. Hinata noticed him take a quick glance down at their point of contact, a blank expression crossed his face before he looked back up at him to meet his eyes.

“Hi Yamayama-kun.” Hinata replied, giving Kageyama his best (not pained) smile. Kageyama returned it, wiping the blank expression off his face. They sat there for a bit, neither of them saying a word but taking in each other’s presence. Hinata placed his right hand on Kageyama’s thigh over the blanket and moved his thumb in a circular motion. Hinata used to do that all the time before; he’d move his thumbs over Kageyama’s thighs, chest, shoulders, anything he could get his hands on. Hinata had a difficult time sitting still for too long, so especially when the two of them would be watching movies on the couch, or just lying in bed together, Hinata would eventually need something to do with his hands. That’s how that had started, and it had ended up being a relaxing mechanism for the both of them. Hinata watched as Kageyama winced slightly at the motion and Hinata’s hand flew straight up

“Shoot, I’m so sorry. Did that hurt?” Kageyama shook his head.

“It’s ok, don’t worry.” Hinata nodded his head quickly in reply. He didn’t know how to break the silence that soon overcame the room but he did know he needed to get out what had been clawing at him from the inside since the day he sat in the restaurant booth, surrounded by his friends, and heard the dreaded news.

“Tobio, I can’t stop thinking of you. I haven’t been able to sleep or focus. I’ve been worried sick. Like literally, every time I thought about the crash I wanted to hurl. I haven’t even been able to concentrate on volleyball,” he said the last part with a pained chuckle. Kageyama was probably the one person in the whole world who knew just what the sport meant to him. Kageyama nodded but didn’t say a word. A few minutes passed; the silence was occasionally interrupted by Kageyama’s yawns. His eyes kept shutting and fluttering open. Eventually, Hinata thought he had finally fallen fast asleep, but that’s when he started to speak with his eyes still closed.

“It happened so fast, Shou,” Kageyama hadn’t called him Shou in a very, very long time. Hinata gulped and waited patiently for him to continue.

“One second I was focused on the road, but something ran across it, so I swerved and the next thing I knew; I was flipping over and over and over. I thought the car was going to flip forever. I thought it would never stop.” Hinata held his breath as Kageyama continued, his eyes still closed. Hinata thought he might be watching the whole thing in his head, replaying every second and watching it play out as his eyes scrunched up in deep thought.

“My car finally flipped for the last time and slid to a stop. I was upside down. Everything hurt. My head was throbbing, and I couldn’t think of anything but the pain. The seatbelt was slicing into my crotch, I swear it was about to cut me in half,” Hinata unconsciously reached out for his right hand. Kageyama’s eyes flew open when he felt Hinata touch him, but his expression didn’t change: his mind was still in another world.

“You know I’m probably the biggest atheist in this whole city, maybe even this whole country. But in those seconds, I prayed. I felt like my body was on fire, I was probably delirious, but I prayed. And you know what I said?” Kageyama paused, taking in a few shallow breaths as Hinata watched his every move. The whole world seemed to come to a halt as he waited for Kageyama to deliver the punchline. Kageyama had kept his eyes down on his lap, avoiding Hinata’s eyes. But he finally brought his head up, looked Hinata dead in the eye, and finished his sentence.

“I said if I got out of this alive, I would never play volleyball again. I thought I was a dead man, so I was begging. I never once thought I was going to live. But somehow, I managed to unclasp my seat belt. I fell straight down, and I heard something crack. My body was at such a weird angle. I knew something was wrong. I couldn’t feel my legs anymore, I didn’t know where my arms were, and then I passed out,” His voice abruptly changed tone.

“I thought about my grandpa in those last moments before I blacked out. Is it bad I was excited to see him?” His voice had cracked, his eyes filled with tears, and he swiftly turned away from Hinata’s gaze to stare back down at his lap. He was taking in shallow, hasty, restricted breaths that Hinata thought resembled those of a panic attack. Kageyama was trembling and Hinata was at a loss for words.

“Of course not, of course not. You miss him so much,” Hinata stammered but that probably wasn’t what Kageyama needed to hear in that moment. The tears that had welled in his eyes began to silently drip down his cheeks. Hinata didn’t want to hurt him more so he just stopped talking. He slid his body closer to Kageyama’s hip, close enough where he could lean the left side of his face onto his chest. He used his right hand to cusp his left cheek. Hinata made sure not to apply much pressure at either point. He laid there, trying to rhythmically set a pace for Kageyama’s breathing. It took what seemed like eternity, but his breaths finally began to come in slow and steady. Hinata didn’t lean back. The position was awkward, but he didn’t dare move.

“It’s ok, I got you. I’m never going to let anything hurt you again,” Hinata’s words were barely audible but he felt Kageyama’s body tense at his words. Kageyama didn’t push him away and before long, he had finally fallen asleep, cradled in Hinata’s strong arms.


	3. And you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi folks!!! I can't believe Haikyuu is really over!!! I might have shed a tear or two this morning as I read the final chapter. How does one say goodbye to something one has loved for so long?
> 
> anyways- warning bc more angst incoming. I know there are people that hate it but wow I love angst. But I swear in a few chapters Kags will be happy.... just not yet. When will I let him catch a break?????

Being told he was paralyzed from the waist down was probably the most devastating news Kageyama had ever received in his life. Despite that fact, as the pale, wide-eyed doctor delivered the information, rambling on about level of injury, shattered vertebrae, and the road to recovery with his unwavering voice and steely expression, Kageyama couldn’t help but laugh.

The irony of situation was deafening. Kageyama had thrown a dramatic plea out into the universe on what he thought had been his death bed. He never once thought he would have to actually live with the promise he had made. What kind of sick, cruel joke was the universe playing? What God had decided to take Kageyama’s one true love, shatter it into a million pieces, pick up the broken parts, and throw them into his face? Kageyama felt that his only appropriate reaction was to laugh right back into the doctor’s face. It was a shrill and deranged laugh that dripped with his own panic. He saw the doctor turn and say something calmly to his heartbroken parents and Miwa. He made out the words “pain-killers” and “coping mechanism” but missed out on the rest due to the ringing laughter in his own ears. The doctor gave a quick bow to his parents before quickly exiting the room.

“Can you believe that fool?” Kageyama asked contemptuously. His voice sounded extremely off pitch and raspy.

“Don’t worry mom, I’m completely fine!” He thought he could hear himself yelling now and he must have had a crazed look in his eyes. He wasn’t sure if he was completely all there as he spoke. He felt as if he were having an out of body experience, or as if somebody had suddenly taken over his body and begun to speak for him. He tried to move his legs off the side of the bed in order to walk to over his mom who was standing still in shock. She stared at him as Kageyama frowned back. His legs weren’t moving, they weren’t doing what they were told and Kageyama was beginning to panic.

“Look mom, look! Dad! Miwa! Just watch me!” His voice had taken on the same shrill tone of his earlier laugh. His legs remained frozen in front of him, albeit the desperation in his voice. His expression faltered for a second as his eyebrows furrowed with determination.

“Just give me a second,” He cried with exasperation, throwing his arms in the air. He noticed Miwa fall into the bedside chair, bury her face in her hands, and begin to cry. He was trying with every fiber in his body to move his legs, but they wouldn’t budge.

“I’m ok! I’m ok! Look I can walk. I can do it,” Kageyama was pleading now, but with his family or with his own body? He wasn’t entirely sure. His stupid, long, muscular legs remained immobile and he cursed under his breath.

“Move.”

“Move!”

“MOVE!” He yelled as if his body would cooperate with a louder request. But nothing happened. His words became filled with hiccups and ugly crying as he suddenly realized it was all true.

Kageyama was instantly embraced by his parents on both sides. He wished he could close his eyes and disappear. He wished more than anything to rewind time in order to take back the hasty promise he had thrown out into the universe. He’d rather die than never play volleyball again. Kageyama ate, breathed, and slept volleyball. What was left of him when you took that away?

* * *

Hinata thought the news of Kageyama’s car crash had been the worst news he had ever received but boy had he been wrong. The news of Kageyama’s paralysis came as a shock that left reverberations through his whole body, unable to think clearly or see straight. He’d been home alone at the time, sprawled on his bed, and scrolling through Instagram, minding his own business when he refreshed his feed and a post from Kageyama came up on top. It was a black box with white words overlaid, a letter that took up just one square. The letter was titled, “From the desk of Kageyama Tobio’s Public Relations Representative,” and that’s probably where Hinata should have figured that things were about to take a turn for the worst.

> _Kageyama Tobio would first like to thank his fans, family, and friends for their continued support during this painful time. After spending fourteen days in the hospital, he has finally been discharged and allowed to go home with his family. Unfortunately, during the crash, Kageyama Tobio suffered a spinal cord injury that has left him with paraplegia at the T-6 level. Although this might be the end of his professional volleyball career, he would like the give thanks to all those who have supported him along the way especially to Kitagawa Daiichi Middle School, to Karasuno High School, to the Japan National Team, and finally to the Schweiden Adlers. Kageyama Tobio leaves the volleyball scene as the starting setter for the Schweiden Adlers as well as a two-time Olympic athlete, with multiple accolades to his name. At the present moment his future remains unclear, but he is beyond grateful to be alive. Kageyama Tobio and his family ask for privacy during this challenging transition in his life. He will move back home to his family’s house in the Miyagi prefecture where he will undergo rehabilitation with hopes to one day walk again. He signs off the volleyball stage for a final time with love and gratitude. Thank you._

Hinata felt his stomach plummet before he had even finished reading the letter. He dropped his phone with his heart pounding. He could feel his body shaking. This had to be the news Miwa had mentioned outside the hospital. Kageyama was paralyzed… his volleyball career was over. Hinata would never compete against the person who had always pushed him to be the best. The person who shaped him into the volleyball player he was today. The person who always challenged him to jump higher, both figuratively and literally.

Hinata’s head was spinning. He couldn’t believe it; he didn’t want to believe it. How could he be so stupid? Suddenly, moments from his hospital visit came rushing back to him. Kageyama wincing as Hinata rubbed circles into his thighs, the small but noticeable glances down to where Hinata’s body had been touching his legs… he should have realized something was wrong.

He stared up at the ceiling, willing his heart rate to drop, and ignoring the passing time. _Slow breaths, in and out, in and out._ His phone was buzzing at his side periodically signaling phone calls and text messages. Minutes passed and it wouldn’t stop. He picked it up gently, hoping more than anything that it’d be Kageyama. He had multiple missed calls from Bokuto, one after the other. Two from Atsumu. One a piece from Sakusa and Hoshiumi. Desperate group chat texts from Yachi, Yamaguchi, and Tsukki. But how was he supposed to respond? What was he supposed to say? If he was feeling like his world was crumbling down around him, how must Kageyama feel? Hinata turned off his phone and curled into a ball. Life was fucking unfair.

* * *

Hinata’s hands were shaking as he knocked on the front door of Kageyama’s Tokyo apartment. Miwa had invited him over, asking him if he wanted to say goodbye to Kageyama before they finished packing and left for Miyagi. Hinata had accepted the invitation but as he stood swaying on the balls of his feet, he was starting to second guess himself. He hadn’t spoken to Kageyama since the announcement of his paralysis had come out four days ago. He was a fucking coward for not reaching out. _Why was he even here???? Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid._

He was jolted to reality when Miwa swung the door open.

“Hinata-kun!” She embraced him in a hug, and Hinata wrapped his arms around her thin frame.

“You made it! We’re almost done,” She stepped out of the doorway so he could step inside. It had been a few months since he had last been inside Kageyama’s apartment, but now it was a bare skeleton of its past self. A handful of large boxes lined the wall by the front door and the only thing that met Hinata were bare walls and furnished furniture. Hinata stood awkwardly by the entrance door after being let in. He felt unwelcome… unsure…

“Mom and dad are out dropping off some of Tobio’s old things for donation. I’m just finishing up with the last of the kitchenware,” Hinata wanted to run away but Miwa’s gentle eyes held him frozen in place.

“Miwa-san….” He started; his voice barely audible. He tore his eyes away from hers.

“I shouldn’t be here. I should go.” He stared down at his red adidas, etching the lines into his brain, wishing he could just melt into the floor. Miwa’s hand pushed his chin up from the ground to meet her eyes.

“Hey, if you’re thinking it’d be better to just ignore him and what’s happened, you’re very wrong Hinata-kun. Tobio might not show it but he needs you more than ever right now. If you think you’re not worthy of facing him, think again,” Every word Miwa spoke sliced at him like an impending knife digging through his skin. Hinata dared his eyes to push back the tears that were beginning to gather.

“But I don’t even know… where to start or what to say,”

“Don’t worry. You’ll see him and know exactly what to do. It’ll be clear as day,” Hinata hoped more than anything that she was right. Otherwise, he wasn't sure what he would do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi folks! thanks again for checking out this piece of work and reading this far! I used to write SO MUCH when I was younger and then I stopped in high school so this is truly my first piece in like YEARS. I hope you like it, if you do comment and lmk! Goodness gracious my brain is literally kagehina soulmates... kagehina brain rot... retweet if you're the same way because wow. Furadate sensei really did THAT.... and will I ever get over how beautiful it is? probably not.


	4. And if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi folks! there is low key only like two chapters left of angst and then the real fun begins. aka hurt/comfort. this chapter could alternatively be called "Kageyama Tobio just really needs a hug".... because he indeed...jsut really needs a hug. :( :( :( 
> 
> (or also Best Sister Kageyama Miwa)

It had been his last day in the hospital when Kageyama had decided that the best thing for him was to cut everyone out of his life. It was early in the morning when he woke up to find Miwa cuddled in the chair to his right, her knees brought up her chest and her arms wrapped around them. She was out cold. Rays of sunshine poured through the window and the room felt bright and warm, a stark contrast to how he felt. But as he laid in his hospital bed watching his sister sleep, he was hit with the sudden realization of what he had to do.

Volleyball was no longer an option and that hurt like nothing he had every experienced before but what hurt even more was the unforeseen identity crisis he was currently having. Who the fuck was he? Why was he suddenly feeling worthless because he no longer had volleyball? It was clear what he had to do in order to figure this out. Get rid of anything in his life that reminded him of volleyball. The years of saved up volleyball gear, old uniforms, and journals would all have to go, that much was indisputable. Thrown out or donated, he could honestly care less what his family did with it all.

But after that was said and done, the harsh part would be cutting everyone that reminded him of volleyball out of his life. The fact remained that Kageyama’s whole life revolved around the sport therefore every single person in his life was connected to volleyball in some small, intricate way. It was going to be a more exhausting task than any he could have ever dreamt of.

* * *

Hinata walked slowly down the hallway, each step taking more effort that necessary as his body seemed to be pulled back by an invisible force that was telling him to get out of there. _Abort mission, abort mission._ Hinata opened the bedroom door with a creak, but Kageyama didn’t stir from his position by the far window, where he sat staring out at the bustling city sidewalk.

“Miwa?” he asked quietly but when Hinata didn’t respond from where he stood fixed at the doorway, Kageyama turned his head towards him. His face immediately froze when he realized it was Hinata standing there and not his sister, and he let out a soft “oh” that made Hinata want to break into a million pieces.

“Can I come in?” Hinata asked. Kageyama turned his head back towards the window and then gave him a “sure” in reply. Hinata crossed the empty bedroom to stand next to him. Kageyama was in a standard wheelchair that looked like any you’d find in the hospital. His left eye wasn’t bruised anymore, his stiches were gone, and the cuts on his face had since disappeared but there was still a bright scar around his eye, the only reminder of the stiches that had once held his skin together. His left arm was still in a cast and his legs were out in front of him, supported by leg rests. His right elbow was resting on the arm rest and he was cupping his cheek with his right palm. Kageyama resembled an empty, small shell of his old self, as if he had maybe… shrunk? But that wasn’t possible and Hinata knew it wasn’t true. But Kageyama’s composure reminded him of a small child, who wanted to hide forever and not be found.

Kageyama had obviously been stirred by Hinata’s entrance but had since recovered, his unease replaced with an apathetic expression. The only objects that remained in the room were a bed, a dresser, and a piano that had come with the furnished apartment. Hinata pulled the piano bench over so he could sit at Kageyama’s eye level.

“I’m sorry I didn’t reach out sooner,” Hinata’s voice had come out quieter than he intended, but Kageyama was still able to hear it.

“It’s fine,” he replied, his eyes not moving from the window.

“You know it’s not, Tobio,”

“I guess you’re right then, it wasn’t fine,” Kageyama snapped back but he still wouldn’t look at Hinata. Hinata felt his pulse quicken. He deserved this; he’d been too much of a coward to reach out to Kageyama and comfort him. He hadn’t been there for him during some of the most difficult moments of his life, so this is what Hinata deserved. They had known each other for years and Hinata still hadn’t done anything. He felt pathetic. So, if Kageyama never wanted to talk to him again or wanted him out of his life… then he deserved it and he would accept it. But he knew deep down inside him that he couldn’t leave here without telling Kageyama how he felt. The feelings that had never left him; Hinata had to let him know. He took a deep breath before choosing his words carefully.

“Tobio, I am not going to pretend I know what you’re going through right now or how you’re feeling. I should have reached out and asked how you were doing, no matter the response I would have received. I guess I didn’t know what to say or where to start or how to face you when I’d give anything to be able to just switch places with you,” his voice broke and Kageyama finally turned to face him but his expression remained apathetic.

“You’re the strongest person I know. If there’s anyone who can get through this, it’s you. You’re a steady rock that can’t be moved by hardships or challenges. You’re going to get through this,” Hinata paused and took a deep breath.

“We’re going to get through this because I think I might still be hopelessly and stupidly in love with you. The night of your accident when I thought you might be gone for real, I realized I wasn’t sure how I would live without you. I honestly didn’t think I’d be able to. But you’re alive and that’s all that matters. Life has changed but we’ll get through it together because we always have. Tobio, I lov-” Kageyama held his right hand out before Hinata could finish his declaration.

“Stop,” was the only thing he said, before returning his gaze out the window. Hinata wasn’t sure how he should respond so he sat silent with his heart on his sleeve. They sat without talking for what seemed like hours, the only sounds coming from the street below.

It made no difference to Kageyama. No matter how in love Hinata was feeling, Kageyama had already decided he needed to break ties. That meant he really couldn’t have Hinata running around crying “I love you,” to him; this needed to end right now. Kageyama turned his head to catch Hianta’s gaze.

“I may have loved you once Shouyou, but I’m not that person anymore. Not physically, not mentally, not emotionally. And don’t worry about me, I can do this on my own. I don’t need you but don’t take it personally. I’ve already decided I don’t need anyone,” He gave him a fake smile, trying to hide his true feelings. This whole ordeal would be easier if he did it quicker. Like ripping off a band-aid or diving off a high cliff into a lake. _One, two, three, done._

“You can’t do this alone Tobio,”

“Oh, yea? And who says I can’t?” Kageyama snapped again, a fire lit in his blue eyes. Hinata sighed, as his words continued to fail him. The piano in the corner caught his eye and for a second everything became clear, the way Miwa said it would. Four years ago, after their breakup before Hinata had left for Brazil, Hinata began to write a song on the piano for Kageyama. He had simply named the song _“Tobio”_ and continued working on it throughout his time in Rio. It soon developed into a coping mechanism for their breakup. It had taken only a handful of months for Hinata to get over him. They remained friends throughout Hinata’s time in Brazil and after he returned, but Hinata had always kept the song a secret. But perhaps that had all been leading to the moment they were in right now?

“Can I play you a song?”

“A what?” Kageyama responded, surprised. Hinata pointed to the piano.

“I wrote you a song on the piano after our breakup a few years ago but I never played it for you. Do you want to hear it… maybe?”

“A song? For me? But why?”

“It’s how I coped with heartbreak,” Kageyama raised an eyebrow and for a second seemed to return to his old, playful self as a small smile perked his lips.

“Funny. I coped by throwing myself into the toughest workout regimen I had ever physically put myself through. We are two very different people,”

“Oh, but we’ve known that for a while, Tobio,” Kageyama gave a small chuckle.

“So, is that a yes?”

“Sure,” when Kageyama replied, Hinata got to his feet and picked up the bench to set it in front of the piano. He walked back over and almost reached out to push Kageyama’s wheelchair but stopped himself. He shouldn’t move him without his permission, that he was sure of.

“Can I bring you over, Tobio?” Kageyama nodded so Hinata pushed his wheelchair so he sat right next to the piano bench. Hinata plopped down on the bench and rubbed his hands together.

“I could never get the lyrics right when I tried so there are none,” he said quickly, glancing over to his right where Kageyama sat with a perplexed expression on his face.

“I call this, _“Tobio_ ,” Hinata announced before beginning the song. His fingers moved swiftly over the keys of the piano, as passion and overwhelming nostalgia coursed through his veins. He hadn’t played the song in a while, but it still felt familiar, as if he had just finished composing it yesterday and his fingers seemed to move without thinking.

When Hinata finally stopped playing, he had to pause and shut his eyes before he could say anything. Every part of the song he had just played reminded him of his second home, 11,540 miles away from where he sat now. His eyes remained shut as he remembered the sun shining down on the sparkling water, the saltiness of the sea water in his mouth, the rough sand of a Rio beach underneath his toes. Hinata was too overcome by emotion that he failed to notice Kageyama hadn’t made a sound since he had started playing. He opened his eyes and turned to find Kageyama with his right elbow resting on his thigh, neck down and face hidden by his hand. He was shaking with silent sobs. Hinata wasn’t sure what he had hoped to accomplish by playing the song he had written for him but making Kageyama cry had definitely not been on his list of hopes.

“Fuck,” Hinata muttered as he slid over the bench, so he was sitting perpendicular right next to Kageyama’s chair. Hinata remained frozen in his seat, his shoulders shaking and his heart rate quickening.

“Tobio,” Hinata said at a noise level barely louder than a whisper. He placed a hand on Kageyama’s thigh and a hand on his knee but Kageyama didn’t move or acknowledge Hinata in any way. They sat still for what seemed like eternity until Kageyama’s sobs became slow and less rattled. He finally lifted his face out of his hand but when he noticed Hinata’s hands on his legs, he shoved them away.

“D-don’t touch me there,” he growled, and Hinata caught the underlying venom in his words. Hinata hadn’t realized what he was doing. The fact that Kageyama couldn’t feel the touch on his leg had completely flown over Hinata’s head.

“Sorry…” Hinata whispered, awkwardly adjusting his hands onto his own thighs. Hinata watched silently as Kageyama shut his eyes and rubbed his fingers over them slowly. Hinata wished he could take Kageyama in his arms and bury his face into the crook of his neck. He wanted to yell about how there hadn’t been a day since their first year of high school when he couldn’t stop thinking about him. Even after their breakup, he could never seem to get Kageyama out of his mind. He wished…. He wanted… He-

“Hinata,” Kageyama said his name briskly with just enough force to break him out of his own racing thoughts. The fact that Kageyama had chosen to call him Hinata and not Shouyou weighed heavy in his mind _(what could that mean?)._ Kageyama didn’t look him in the eye as he said his next words.

“You need to leave. I can’t do this anymore,” Hinata didn’t realize right away what he’d just been told but he blinked several times as the gears began to slowly turn in his head. Kageyama’s face was pained and twisted.

“Please Hinata. I don’t love you anymore and I never will,” he growled in the same brisk tone as before and the words hit Hinata like a bag of bricks. Hinata wished he could fight this. He yearned to fight for this love. A love that once existed so present and forceful, two idiots in love is what they had once been (w _hy couldn’t they just go back to that? Two idiots in love)._

In the spur of the moment, Hinata reached out for Kageyama’s thigh with the intent to rub relaxing circles with his thumb again, an action that he used to do unconsciously when Kageyama was stressed. He was brought back to reality with a forceful slap as Kageyama yelled, “Hinata, don’t touch me there!” Hinata’s cheek stung and it reminded him of the time Bokuto’s serve had hit the side of his face and knocked him over at practice a few weeks ago.

Hinata hadn’t realized that his eyes had glazed over when he had reached out to touch Kageyama’s thighs and his hand had moved without thinking. Hinata was confused and hurt. Kageyama’s eyes were rimmed red and watery again, as if it was taking everything he had to keep his composure. He was taking in shallow breaths as if willing himself to stay calm, but tears were clouding his eyes and threatening to fall with every passing second.

Hinata wished he could fix this fucked up situation more than anything but as he scrambled to think _(he truly was never any good at thinking up solutions on the spot during stressful situations),_ with his mouth spluttering random words before his mind had even approved them, Kageyama finally broke down. And Hinata did the only thing he knew how to do in that moment. His brain was hard-wired this way as his fight or flight response kicked into high alert. He turned on his heels and ran for his life.

* * *

The two weeks Kageyama spent in the hospital passed by in a blur of pain medication, drowsiness, confusion, realization, and finally: denial. It was a whole new world he was living in. He hadn’t been able to learn anything physical like transfers, how to change himself, or use a manual wheelchair because of his broken arm. That would all have to wait until physical and occupational therapy later. But he had learned a great deal in his two weeks in the hospital. For example, he learned he had to shift his weight every few hours to avoid the development of pressure sores. He learned about autonomic dysreflexia which is a medical emergency that affects people with spinal cord injuries at the T6 level or higher ( _so lucky him for making that T6 cutoff_ ). It’d cause his blood pressure to spike up to dangerous levels, it could be fatal, and could be caused by a number of things. He learned about catheters and bowel management and spasms which were all things he wished he could have remained ignorant to. This whole new world was now his reality.

The Kageyama house had to be updated and made accessible before they arrived. All the tables had to be lowered and Kageyama’s bed had to be raised. Most importantly was making the bathroom wheelchair accessible, adding ramps to every entrance of the house, and widening the doorways inside the house. Everything was taken care of before they arrived back home, late on a chilly February evening. His parents had hired a company to come make the necessary changes under the supervision of a family member after Kageyama was moved out of the ICU. They spent an extra two weeks at his Tokyo apartment after Kageyama was finally discharged from the hospital, packing and moving out as the construction was underway at their house back in Miyagi. Overall, it was an extremely stressful couple of weeks that the Kageyama family spent in Tokyo together. For all four of them.

But it was no surprise that the person that took the brunt of the pain was Tobio. He had since transformed into a ball of anxiety. He wasn’t sure what exactly was keeping him together and stopping him from crying every second of every day. Was it the apprehension of how his parents would react? Or the worry of scaring his sister? Was it because he wished to remain hopeful for a future recovery? Kageyama wasn’t really sure what exactly was keeping him together but as he sat in his Tokyo bedroom, while his family moved around the apartment packing his belongings into boxes that would soon be moved back home, he couldn’t help but feel a special type of despair. The items these boxes held all told a story of a Kageyama Tobio who played starting setter for the Schweiden Adlers. They told the story of a Kageyama Tobio that no longer existed. And that was the scary part. How does one cope with a fact like that? What does one do? Who was he now if he was no longer a volleyball player? He wasn’t sure exactly and he spent the nights after being discharged from the hospital unable to sleep, and only trying to come up with an answer to that one question.

Perhaps the worst of it all was how much he pitied himself. Kageyama would rather die than feel the pity of others so he refused to see his teammates. His parents and sister would never pity him, and he was almost positive his coach wouldn’t, which is why he allowed him to come see him after leaving the hospital. But everyone else? No thanks, he’d much rather skip that part. So, when Hinata showed up at the door of his bedroom, he wasn’t sure what to do. Why he didn’t just send him home remained a mystery. But after that awful ending, he really wished he had just sent him away the second he had appeared.

Miwa had held him as he sobbed once Hinata sprinted out of the room without a backward glance. She ran comforting hands across his back and cried pleas of forgiveness at him. She thought it’d be a grateful encounter and she had only been trying to bring him some joy by inviting Hinata over to see him but all she had managed to do was demonstrate to Kageyama exactly what he had lost. Because he hadn’t only lost his legs: he had also lost volleyball, he had also lost his volleyball peers, and therefore he had also lost Hinata.

An outsider might think that made no sense at all because how was that even possible? Perhaps Kageyama did lose volleyball but that did not mean he had to lose his friends too. His friends didn’t all decide to abandon him and leave him hanging after his injury just because he could no longer play. Of course not, but to Kageyama that didn’t matter. Truthfully, he wished they had abandoned him because it would have made this part of his decision that much easier. The decision to remove anything that had to do with volleyball from his life. And if that also meant Hinata, well that was unfortunate, but he would do what he had to do.

But it wasn’t until he was alone in his new bedroom that chilly February night after arriving home to Miyagi, that he felt the weight of everything come crashing down on him. The weight of trying to act strong in front of his mom so she would stop crying for once. The weight of putting on a smile for Miwa when she transferred him in and out of the hospital wheelchair various times a day, feeling guilty for forcing her to move out of her apartment in the city to come home and stay with them as he recovered. The weight of the uncertainty he felt about his future. The weight of having to one day face his teammates again. The weight of each and every one of his unread text messages, emails, and voicemails that sat in his untouched cellphone. The weight of it all was too much for him to handle.

So, as he laid in his new bed staring up at the ceiling, in a bedroom that smelled faintly of fresh paint and wood shavings, the weight of everything came crashing down on him like an immense ocean. He bit his lip as he cried, hoping to silence the noise and not wake up his family. Tears streamed down his face and he tasted blood which was a sign he had bit his lip too hard, but he didn’t care. He laid there and he cried for everything he had lost. It was ugly crying that he desperately tried to keep silent but to no avail. There was a faint knock at the door which only caused him to cry harder. He had woken up his family and now they’d see the mess he was. The person walked in briskly, shutting and locking the door behind them, before rushing over.

It was Miwa. She helped Kageyama move his torso up into a sitting position as she wrapped her arms around him in a hasty motion, repeating “I’m here,” over and over again as if to remind him so he would never forget. He buried his face into her shoulder and cried, latching onto her as if he were hanging off the edge of a mountain and she was the rope that kept him from falling down to his death. And in reality, as Kageyama gripped Miwa’s back with his unbroken arm and dug his fingernails into her flesh with remarkable strength, he might have actually been holding onto her for dear life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it so far! (that last paragraph is probably my favorite so far!!) I'd love to know what you think if you did. 
> 
> I'm going to try to update like twice a week... currently just trying to fill in the gaps of what I already have written. Next chapter will be up Sunday! 
> 
> sending u all my best wishes, stay safe out there. <3


	5. If I'm on fire, you'll be made of ashes, too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone! thank you for the kudos and comments! seriously keeps me so motivated. I have a lot of the happy parts of this fic written already but not what happens leading up to those so I'm trying to connect the dots, like connecting my own dots you know? if that makes any sense? do other writers feel this too? I know it's been very Kags heavy lately (as it should be) but Hinata will turn up soon, they'll be reunited soon....
> 
> hope you enjoy!

_“How to Avoid Your Friends, Teammates, and Anyone Who Has Truly Ever Cared for You in Three Easy Steps!” A guide by Kageyama Tobio_

  1. _Do not under any circumstances take phone calls. Always feint being busy or better yet, just IGNORE your phone._
  2. _Always reply “fine,” to the question, “How are you?” (even if you’re not fine, this is key)._
  3. _Deactivate all social media AND consequently, fall off the face of the Earth._
    1. _Easy as 1, 2, 3_



After being home for two weeks at his parents’ house in Miyagi, Kageyama had nearly perfected his three-step guide on how to thoroughly avoid his friends. And to his surprise his plan was working flawlessly. That was a good thing because recently Kageyama had been more of a mess than even before, and he was in no form to talk to friends or acquaintances. He’d been home for two weeks yet “Get Well Soon!” cards and gift baskets still arrived on their door step every morning. Many from fans and sponsors, but the majority were sent by people he knew personally, people who cared for him, people who loved him. But Kageyama could care less about the gifts and letters that littered their living room table in a pile that gradually grew taller with every passing day.

His family had celebrated the one-month anniversary of his accident two weeks ago, a day or two after arriving home from the hospital. Kageyama had called it stupid to their faces, sneering, because why the fuck was he going to celebrate the day he was injured? His parents had tried to convince him it was to celebrate him being alive _(and not dead)_ and well… that kind of made sense but it still made him want to scream and storm of the room. But when your arm is broken, your injury is fresh, and storming dramatically out of a room in a wheelchair was nearly impossible, he was left hopeless, sad, and tired. So instead of leaving the room, he grew silent and didn’t say a word for the rest of the night. He plastered a fake smile on his face, and it wasn’t until he was in his bedroom that night that he shut the door and screamed into a pillow until tears sprang into his eyes.

His friends that still lived in Miyagi would show up at his front door multiple times a week since they arrived home but Kageyama refused to see them. Miwa told him his friends always came in pairs: Tsukki and Yamaguchi, Daichi and Suga, Kiyoko and Tanaka, Kindaichi and Kunimi. They were all turned away sadly at the door with lame excuses by Miwa or their parents but no matter how many times they were told Kageyama wasn’t ready to see anyone just yet, they persisted and came back, with the hopes that he’d be ready the next day. But Kageyama wasn’t ready and he had to constantly remind them that he never would be. His three-step guide was working to perfection and he wasn’t about to end it now.

Miwa came to him one evening, another card in her hand from his friends and a package of his favorite cookies. It had been Daichi and Suga this time at the door.

“You’re being cruel, Tobio. They all love you so much,” but Kageyama couldn’t even muster the strength to glare at her. Pain was shooting through him and he couldn’t even think straight as stars danced in and out of his vision. Miwa noticed right away something was wrong and she rushed to his side to move him onto his bed.

“Is that better?” she asked gently, when he was finally lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling. Kageyama nodded at her with watery eyes. She sat at his bed side, running a hand through his hair as Kageyama’s breathing slowly returned to normal. 

“Why didn’t you call us to help?” Miwa asked, her eyes locked with his.

“I didn’t want to bother you again,” Kageyama responded, tearing his eyes away from hers to stare back up at the ceiling.

“I’m not sure how many times I have to remind you that you’re not a bother, Tobio,”

“Until I fucking believe it,” Kageyama snapped, twisting out of her touch. Miwa sighed; her heart ready to break apart again, the way it had multiple times since Kageyama’s accident. She set Daichi and Suga’s letter down on his bedside table and leaned back against the headboard.

“Will you please read the letters Tobio?” but Kageyama responded with a furious shake of his head.

“No,” he replied. “Miwa, I want you to burn them all,” he said, turning his face back up at her, his voice steadfast and his expression cold.

“I am _not_ going to burn your cards and letters Tobio,” Miwa whispered, shocked at his request.

“Fine! Guess I’ll just burn them myself,” Kageyama hissed, rolling his eyes and twisting his head out of her touch again. Miwa frowned but pulled her hand away and brought it up to massage her temple. Kageyama turned his shoulder away from her to stare at the wall on his right, his best attempt at turning his body away from her.

“Fine,” she announced defeated, but she didn’t leave the room. She stayed sitting on the bed and staring at her brother’s broad back wondering where things had gone so wrong.

“Miwa-chan,” Kageyama’s voice came extremely quiet a few minutes later, having lost the fire of before. He didn’t turn back around to face her but instead spoke to the wall.

“Yes?” Miwa responded.

“Burn it all to ash, I don’t want it anymore. I want to be a phoenix reborn from the ashes, Miwa-chan. Please, just let me be a phoenix,” Kageyama pleaded, his voice quiet and distant. Miwa’s heart couldn’t help but ache.

She wasn’t sure if her question made any sense, but she didn’t know what else to say. “Tobio, why do you have to break yourself down first in order to rise again?”

“Because this is my fault and I have to start over. This is all my fault and I have to live with the consequences,” he insisted, voice never faltering.

“But this isn’t your fault Tobio. You didn’t cause this,” she replied, an eyebrow raised even though he couldn’t see it.

Miwa could barely hear his voice; Kageyama was almost whispering. “But I did, Miwa, I did. I begged to live and if I lived and I wouldn’t play volleyball again, it was me Miwa, this was all me. The old me is dead, I don’t know who I am anymore, so now I’ll just be a phoenix, a new person born from the ashes of the old me,”

“Tha-that’s a very striking metaphor Tobio,” she stammered, lost for words. How was she supposed to make him understand that the old him wasn’t dead? That it was the old him that had been pulled out of the wrecked car and the same old him that was laying right next to her, staring at the wall. What was she supposed to say? Miwa sighed and crawled into the bed, so she was laying next to him, looking up at the ceiling.

“But I know exactly who you are. You’re Kageyama Tobio, my little 24-year-old brother. You were a baby when you held your first volleyball. You were three when Grandpa started to teach you how to play. When I quit volleyball, you kept at it and you surpassed me so quickly. You flew by any expectations any of us ever had for you in a blink of an eye that growing up and watching you play, I always thought you were a prodigy. You’ve worked hard every single day of your life and have earned everything you have. When Grandpa died, you wouldn’t look at me for weeks and the following months were some of the most difficult of our lives,” Miwa heard her brother’s breathing hitch, but he didn’t turn around or make another sound. She continued.

“You’re my precious little brother who deserves the entire world. You’re the most talented person I know, and nothing will ever change that. You are kind and thoughtful even though sometimes you might not show it, but you love selflessly. You remember little details about the people you love, you’re always listening and watching and observing, and you care so much about everything you do.”

“I don’t know how to tell you this Tobio, but the old you never died. He’s right here next to me,” she sighed, leaning her head against his back.

“I suppose,” was Kageyama’s only reply, before going quiet again but he finally turned his torso to lay on his back, so they were both looking up at the ceiling side to side and that was enough for Miwa to think that maybe, just maybe, things would be ok. 

Later that night, after Kageyama had fallen asleep, she left to gather all of his cards and letters. Miwa stashed them away in her dresser for safe keeping with the hopes that maybe one day he’d finally want to read them.

* * *

Hinata was a mess.

It had been three weeks since the day he had run out on Kageyama and he was bona fide mess. Hinata was pitiful mess and he knew it deep down in his core because who shows up at the doorstep of their ex-best friend/boyfriend’s apartment after learning they had been paralyzed, having not said a word to them?

Ok well that’s fine and dandy, you didn’t say anything to them for days as you tried to process the information but when you finally do show up, you literally emotionally fuck them up by pouring your heart out and playing them a song you wrote for them after you broke up in an extremely hostile manner and left for Brazil for two years in order to become a better volleyball player so that one day you could return to Japan and play in the same league as your significant ex and finally complete your promise of five years, and in order to get over the break up you wrote a song on the piano for them and somehow you thought that playing that song for them while they were in a state of grief after living through a car crash would be the best idea? Like… _who even does that?!?_

Hinata was a mess.

He had sulked for three weeks but eventually he had to get back to the real world because cry as he may, he had a full-time job and he couldn’t afford to take more time off. Volleyball coaches and sponsors won’t let you take a break even if your ex-best friend/boyfriend has an accident that leaves him injured and YOU completely fuck up the situation by making your ex-best friend/boyfriend extremely uncomfortable and emotional. To Hinata’s dismay, life doesn’t stop even if you get your heart broken while simultaneously breaking the heart of the person you love the most.

So that’s how Hinata found himself on a Saturday afternoon, curled up in a ball in Yachi’s apartment with his head in her lap. She had already heard the story more times than she could count by now but at this point that wouldn’t stop her from listening to Hinata tell it again.

“I fucked up Yacchan, I really did, why’d I have to go and mess it all up? I thought he’d like fall in love with me again or something but like why was that even a priority? I should have been there to comfort him; I should have just been there for him and listened to him. Why’d I have to mess it all up Yacchan?” Yachi ran one hand through her friend’s hair and massaged his right cheek with her other one.

“Kageyama-kun still loves you, Hinata. You don’t forget the first person you’ve ever loved that easily. Trust me,”

“But I’m an awful person Yacchan. I don’t even deserve his friendship much less his love. I don’t deserve to be loved by him ever again,” Hinata was tired from everything. Tired of grueling practices, tired of trying to look strong in front of his friends, and tired of lost love and broken promises. All he wanted was to apologize to Kageyama, but he wasn’t answering his phone calls or reading his text messages. And who knows what would happen if Hinata decided to show up at his doorstep again.

Yachi’s heart hurt as she watched her friend fall apart in front of her for the millionth time. “Hinata, you’re not an awful person. You never have been and guess what? You never will be,” Hinata scoffed a little, the little devil on his shoulder telling him she was only lying to make him feel better.

“Well tell that to Tobio, Yacchan,”

“Tell him yourself, Hinata,”

“But he won’t even talk to me!” Hinata whined, tears growing in his eyes. He hated this so much. He hated feeling useless. He hated doing nothing. He hated feeling so pathetic.

“Just give him time,” Yachi said softly, cupping Hinata’s cheek with her palm. “All he needs is time,” she whispered as the tears in Hinata’s eyes began to roll down his cheeks. Her heart hurt seeing Hinata like this and she wished more than anything for something she could do to make it all better.

* * *

It was a new day and Kageyama was feeling on top of the world. Why was that? Because his arm was healed, the cast was coming off, and that meant he’d finally be able to start physical therapy. It had been eight weeks since his accident and things were finally looking up. He’d been counting down the days until this doctor’s appointment for weeks now, happily anticipating having the cast off and learning to do things for himself again. It wasn’t that he hated his family having to help him with everything from showering to changing clothes to shifting his weight _(ok maybe he did hate it a little)_ but the thought of gaining independence again was something that made him ecstatic. That morning, Kageyama didn’t have room in his mind to think of anything but the doctor finally cutting the cast off. Cast off, physical therapy next, finally independence. Life was finally looking up.

That’s why watching Suga walk into the busy doctor’s office, as he sat next to his mom in the waiting room came as such a shock, almost as if someone had rammed into him and left him gasping for air. Honestly, it was definitely about time he ran into someone he knew but that didn’t make the shock any less bearable. Four weeks had passed since he arrived at home and although he didn’t leave the house frequently, it was a surprise he hadn’t seen anyone he knew on the trips he had made recently such as accompanying his sister to the grocery store or to his various doctor’s appointments.

Suga looked tired, his hair ruffled more than usual, with a black face mask that covered his mouth and nose. When he turned away from the receptionist, he didn’t notice Kageyama at first. Kageyama wished he could run for it, but then again, if he could run for it, he wouldn’t even be sitting in the doctor’s office right now.

He turned his face away from Suga, hoping that if he avoided eye contact, he’d turn invisible and Suga wouldn’t see him. But of course, nothing ever worked out the way he hoped, and it only took Suga a minute to recognize his mother, who sat oblivious to Kageyama’s increasing anxiety. Suga suddenly felt wide awake. Although he had walked in drowsy and sleepy, seeing Kageyama for the first time in months woke him up like an ice cold shower. He silently muttered “oh my God,” as he walked over to where they were sitting. Kageyama’s mother noticed him first and she stood up right away to greet him.

“Sugawara-kun,” she exclaimed and Suga gave her a little bow.

“Hello, Kageyama-san. Wonderful to see you as always!” Kageyama’s mother looked between Suga and her son, who still was pretending he hadn’t seen him, and brought her hands together.

“Tobio?” Kageyama finally looked up at his mom and Suga. Suga was giving him a look that he couldn’t quite read while his mom gave him a stern yet gentle stare. “I’m going to step outside for a second so you two catch up,” Tobio nodded at his mom, wishing she’d stay but knowing she wouldn’t. They weren’t in their house where she could just send Suga away like she had done multiple times before. This time, Kageyama was trapped with nowhere to go; the only option he had left was to finally face Suga.

“Ok,” he replied before she took her leave. Suga stood awkwardly, his expression unsure, without saying a word. Finally, he sat down in the seat Kageyama’s mom had vacated. His brows furrowed and all he could bring himself to say was, “Kageyama…”

“Hi Suga,” Kageyama felt guilty and embarrassed as he watched Suga take him all in, from the bottoms of his shoes that sat motionless in front of him, to the tip of his head. His hazel eyes were wide and stunned. He wasn’t sure why Suga’s gentle face gave him the urgent need to cry. Perhaps it was because in that moment Suga represented all the friends he had abandoned or maybe because it reminded him of his first year in high school when he was so young and so lost, and Suga and the team helped him find a home.

“You look… you look great Kageyama,” Suga stammered. He had finally wiped the stunned look off his face and now looked at peace. Even happy.

“Thank you,” Kageyama responded softly. He wanted to tear his own eyes away from Suga’s, but he couldn’t as hard as he tried. They remained rooted on Suga’s face.

“How are you Kageyama?” Suga’s voice was soft and slightly muffled from the face mask he wore. But his eyes told a story of one million words that Suga didn’t have to say anything else. Kageyama wanted to reply with a simple fine, as his three-step guide on avoiding his friends popped into his head _(_ _Step #2:_ _Always reply “fine,” to the question, “How are you?” [this was especially vital if you weren’t fine])._

In that moment, more than anything, he just wanted to say, “I’m fine,” because honestly before Suga had showed up he had been fine. He had been feeling optimistic, excited about life, and eager to see how things were about to change for the better. But there was something about the way Suga was staring at him, with eyes that reminded him of his mom’s motherly gaze, that caused everything around him to fall away and disappear. Before he could think of something better to say than the truth, he responded.

“I don’t know Suga-san, I don’t know how I am. But I’m not fine, that I’m sure of,” 

“It’s ok to not know how you are Kageyama, but being honest with yourself is the first step,” Kageyama gave him a weak smile before bringing his right hand to his face to hastily wipe away tears from his eyes.

“Me too, me too,” Suga said, as he cupped his cheeks with his palms, closed his eyes, and started to breathe slowly in attempt to hold himself together and not cry.

“I’m so happy to see you though like you literally don’t even know how happy I am to see you. I missed you,” Kageyama couldn’t see Suga’s mouth because of the face mask but the way his eyes scrunched up meant he was giving him a wide smile.

“You-you don’t hate me? Suga-san?” Kageyama stammered, slightly in awe.

“Hate you? Of course not,” his expression changed in an instant. “Why would you think that?” Suga’s eyebrows had jumped up and he looked genuinely confused. Kageyama couldn’t decide if Suga was playing games with him. Wasn’t it obvious why he should hate him? Kageyama finally tore his eyes away from Suga’s to stare at his lap.

Kageyama spoke to his hands, not to Suga. “Well… I… ignored you… for weeks. I also literally just ignored you like two minutes ago and pretended not to see you,”

“And?” Suga squinted his eyes at him, with just one eyebrow raised this time. He reached out to touch his arm, causing Kageyama to turn to look back at him.

“You did what you had to do for your own mental health Kageyama, and I’m never going to blame you for it. And I can assure you nobody else is going to blame you for it either,” the words Suga spoke brought a special type of peace to Kageyama’s heart. Tears sprang into his eyes once again _(was his body ever going to run out of tears?)_

“Come here,” Suga muttered, opening his arms wide and leaning forward to hug him. Kageyama silently cried into Suga’s shoulder, his shoulders shaking slightly. He was so caught up in Suga that he didn’t realize the nurse was calling his name. They pulled away and Suga quickly used his thumbs to wipe the tears out of Kageyama’s eyes.

“There, you’re all good to go,” Kageyama didn’t fail to notice that Suga’s eyes were also watery and red.

“Don’t be a stranger, Kageyama-kun. I’ll see you soon,” Suga said softly with a wink and Kageyama gave a soft chuckle. He felt as if an immense weight had been lifted off his shoulders, a weight that had sat on his shoulders for eight full weeks. And finally, he could breathe in peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!!! I promise happiness is coming soon. Some of my favorite parts are coming up in a bit... :) going to try to post the next chapter on Wednesday or Thursday! 
> 
> ALSO, is anyone else listening to Taylor's new album and projecting??? just me? ok. I was never like a huge fan of hers but I've always liked her music but this new album.. idk it did something to me. so cheers to that! fun fact I was rereading ch. 387 in prep for this chapter with Taylor's new album and I might have shed a tear or two because... ch. 387 is literally a love story.


	6. I’m only 17, I don’t know anything, but I know I miss you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello folks! today I offer you Kageyama trying both physical and psychotherapy and (1) very drunk Hinata... tomorrow, who knows? 
> 
> Playing around with the idea of a drunk Hinata was very fun so I hope you enjoy. I hope a longer chapter makes up for a delayed update. I've also decided to go back and change all the title chapters to lines from t.swift's "folklore" album... it's the only thing I listen to while writing now.

Running into Suga at the doctor’s office and having to finally face a friend head-on was ironically one of the best things that had happened to Kageyama since his accident. The meeting and the week following gives him more than he could have ever wished for beginning with the courage to begin to reach out to his friends, slow and steady but a start is more than nothing. With invitations from Kageyama himself, the original Karasuno team (minus Hinata and Yachi who both lived in Tokyo) showed up at Kageyama’s doorstep with food, drinks, hugs, and laughter, crowding the Kageyama household. To Kageyama’s surprise, none of his friends pitied him or hated him for avoiding them. They were all just happy to see him… so unbelievably happy to see him.

It also gives him hope that perhaps things could one day return to normal… whatever normal meant now anyways. The beginning of physical therapy brings Kageyama’s physical therapist into his life. A 6’4, 28-year-old man named Ohtani, straight out of residency who would fall under the category of _“looks like they could kill you but is actually a cinnamon roll.”_ Ohtani teaches him many things such as proper weight bearing and weight shifting, before they move on to learning how to properly move around in his new, manual wheelchair and transfers. Kageyama likes the way the chair feels (even though his body can’t technically feel the cushion under him) but it’s small and compact, with blue undertones that match his eyes and extremely easy to move in. They come up with schedules together and hit it off extremely well. Ohtani even confesses that he follows the Schweiden Adlers religiously and Kageyama was his favorite player, so being his physical therapist was literally like something out of a weird, insane dream (Kageyama had blushed for hours following that confession). Kageyama is pleased with how quickly he is picking things up and content with how his arm muscles ache after a long day of PT.

It gives him the determination to reply to old, forgotten phone calls and text messages from friends he had decided to leave behind. To his surprise, Oikawa is the first call he makes after months of not talking on the phone. Oikawa reproaches him for ignoring him, but only with love and fond sighs of “Tobio-chan,” before he starts making him laugh with stories of Argentina and attempts at speaking Spanish. Kageyama takes a phone call with Iwaizumi another day, who after about an hour of catching up begins to teach him stretches for his legs through FaceTime (“I’m sure they’ve already told you this Kageyama but stretching is extremely important after a spinal cord injury! It keeps blood circulating in areas that can no longer move. Wait is this a good angle? Here I’ll move the camera so you can see better, give me one second!”). Kageyama also finally reaches out to his team. They’re overjoyed to hear from him… like literally; they stopped practice to do a team FaceTime and Kageyama is blushing and actually starts crying because he hadn’t realized just how much he missed these guys until he’s staring into the dark brown eyes of Romero, the wicked smile of Hoshiumi, and the thick eyebrows of Ushijima. Kageyama can’t seem to understand how he had ignored them all for two months.

The ninth week since the accident brings many old things and new things into Kageyama’s life. But the most important thing it brings is the beginning of acceptance for two limbs that could no longer move on their own and the myriad of tests that came with it. The accident took many things away from him, but it hadn’t taken _him_ and that’s what mattered. And maybe, just maybe, Kageyama was finally beginning to see that.

* * *

Kageyama sat in his wheelchair in the backyard, soaking in the sun on a particularly warm March afternoon. The first signs of spring were beginning to appear, which had inadvertently resulted in a sudden spike in his mood. The sunlight and warmth was embracing his body in a way that made him forget that cold even existed, because how could it when the sun was giving him a hug?

Miwa and his dad were both at work while his mom was working from home. She’d come out to check on him every so often but by now the Kageyamas all knew Tobio’s cues as to when he wanted to be left alone. He sat in the sun with a blank journal in his lap, given to him by his therapist where he had been tasked to write down the emotions he felt with every passing day. He had been asked to become aware of his thoughts, emotions, and beliefs regarding the car crash and his paralysis, but he couldn’t particularly bring himself to write anything in the journal yet. Together, he and his therapist would work on identifying any negative patterns of thinking and try to reshape them but that’d definitely be easier said than done.

For some reason, he was still reliving his trauma when he went to bed at night and that in turn, was beginning to seep itself into his everyday life. And it’s not that he couldn’t remember the nightmare he saw every night, as it was something he could give a replay by replay for if asked to do. Having to write it all down on paper just felt so much… worse. As if he’d finally have to come to terms with the fact that the accident actually happened. As if indenting the blank paper with pen would be the death of this weird in-between stage he was currently living in, where he wasn’t sure exactly how he was doing, or how he should be feeling, or if he was happy or depressed or apathetic. For some weird reason, Kageyama didn’t want this weird in-between stage to come to an end so he’d put off writing in the journal for now.

But after two whole sessions with his new therapist, Kageyama had a new mantra.

**_It was ok to not be ok._ **

He had realized that putting on a game face and pretending everything was fine was just as unhealthy as wallowing in a self-pity, depression party. He finally erased his three-step guide from his mind, forgetting that he had to reply, “I’m fine,” whenever asked. Because in reality, he wasn’t fine… at least not all the time. And that was ok. _It was ok to not be ok._

* * *

It was the first week of April (approximately 12 weeks since his accident) when Kageyama completed his first successful wheelchair to table transfer. It resulted with him being over the moon, so much so that he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t ready to kiss Ohtani right then and there out of pure joy.

“Just one more time, ok boss?” Kageyama stared into the dark brown eyes of his physical therapist and nodded his head in reply. His arms were burning with exhaustion, but he knew he could try at least one more time. Kageyama had been attempting chair transfers for a few weeks now with very limited success. He had fallen on his butt a number of times and sometimes he got stuck in the middle, in the space between his wheelchair and the table, unable to shift his full weight over. Sometimes his arms would spasm so much he physically could not complete the transfer and had to sit and wait it out. But all these attempts had made him stronger. He placed a hand on the table and gripped the side of his chair with the other. _I can do this, I can do this, I can do this._ The chant replayed through his head like a broken CD stuck on loop. His brow furrowed in concentration, and he was still breathing hard from his previous attempt, but he felt really good about this one. He moved his butt over to the edge of his seat. All he had to do now was create enough momentum and lift his bottom high enough to transfer from his chair to the table. One swift motion is all it took. _I can do this, I can do this, I can do this._ His triceps felt like they were about to give out and his left arm was still weak and shook underneath his weight.

He’d move his body on the count of three. _One. Two. Three._ Using the momentum of his own body weight, Kageyama transferred his lower body onto the table.

“Yes!” he exclaimed. His legs were hanging off at an odd angle, but this was the easy part. He leaned over to grab his calves and drag them into position, so they’d dangle straight down in front of him. He gave a sigh of relief as his physical therapist beamed at him.

“And that’s how it’s done,” Ohtani said with a huge grin on his face, his hand raised to give Kageyama a high five. Kageyama felt beads of sweat lining his forehead and he was breathing as if he had just run ten marathons. But adrenaline coursed through his veins. He felt prepared to do a million transfers right then and there. And for the first time in a very long time, Kageyama felt proud of himself. Pride was an emotion that he had begun to forget; he didn’t want to forget it ever again.

* * *

“Another! Another! Another!” Bokuto cheered with glee as Hinata chugged his sixth shot of the night. Hinata slammed the glass down on the counter and turned to give Bokuto a fist bump. Akaashi sat on the sofa sighing as he massaged his temple with his fingertips, certain he was in for a long night.

“Yes Shouyou-kun, yes!” Atsumu raised his beer glass in cheers to him. Sakusa laughed carefreely with a hand in a bag of chips, curls bouncing slightly.

“I’ll cheer with you Tsum-tsum,” Bokuto crowed with delight, scrambling around for his own beer glass. They clashed their beers together as Bokuto yelled, “to Hinata!” Atsumu began to laugh uncontrollably.

“No, no, no, it’s to SHOUYOU-kun!” he gushed as he laughed, making dramatic hand gestures in the air to prove his point.

“Funny how Hinata is the smallest out of all of us but he isn’t the lightweight of the group,” Sakusa drawled, a smirk lifting his lips.

“Yea, yea, yea we all know that would be me, Omi-kun,” Atsumu rolled his eyes with a smile on his face, as he snuggled into the wing spiker’s side. Sakusa didn’t protest but on the contrary, he wrapped his arms around his setter, looking right at home.

The boys were sitting on the floor around Bokuto and Akaashi’s living room coffee table. The night had started as an innocent, celebratory dinner but had gradually transitioned into a night of drinks thanks to Atsumu. The Black Jackals had taken first place in the table for the first time in weeks, with their own hard-earned victory against the third-place team and in addition to a loss from the Adlers.

The night called for a celebration.

Hinata grinned dreamily, feeling truly happy for the first time in months, surrounded by his friends. He leaned back against the couch and threw his fists into the air. He was euphoric and invincible; nothing could bring him down from this high. The alcohol was definitely doing the trick (and probably better than intended) but that wasn’t the only thing. He was surrounded by his friends, his stomach was full of good food, and most importantly, his mind wasn’t stuck on Kageyama for once.

_(Dammit, there we go again)._

Kageyama had just popped into his mind for the first time that whole day. This is how it always started, coming out of nowhere and pouncing on him as if he were unsuspecting prey and the thought of Kageyama was the predator. Hinata was stuck in the same cycle every single night, being forced to relive the moment he ran out on Kageyama over and over again, so far down the rabbit hole he was never able to escape. Try as he may, Hinata wasn’t ever able to get Kageyama out of his head.

Hinata fortunately knew how he was doing because Miwa would send him occasional updates, although every time she sent him a text, she’d beg Hinata to just reach out to him. The most recent update had an even bigger plea from Miwa’s part because apparently Kageyama was doing so well these days, finally stepping out his shell and meeting with friends. But Hinata was too much of a coward to make the first move, hurt as it may. Fears of being shut down over the phone was enough to get him not to try.

Kageyama had left Hinata in the dark and at first Hinata had truly thought it was just him. They hadn’t exactly ended on peachy terms so it would make sense for Kageyama to completely ignore him for the rest of their lives. But when Hoshiumi told him the Adlers’ check-ins with him had all been met with brief replies and their desires to come out to Miyagi to visit him had all been steadfastly shot down, Hinata realized that Kageyama had forcefully cut them all out of his life. So, it wasn’t just him, but fuck it still hurt like a dull, throbbing pain, a stich in his chest that never went away. No matter what he did, it still hurt. Being cut out of Kageyama’s life hurt as did fearing being the first to reach out to make amends, and well… everything just hurt.

Granted, Hinata had been the one to fuck up first so perhaps it was well deserved. Even though it hurt when Hinata thought of Kageyama, he still cried for what they had been and for what they had lost. Perhaps if never seeing him again meant Kageyama would grow healthy, happy, and comfortable in his own skin, maybe this would all be worth it. If Kageyama needed to let him go in order to get better, so be it. But why did it have to hurt so much?

“I’m doing it!” Hinata declared loudly to his friends, jolting himself out of his own reckless thoughts long enough to stand up.

“Doing what, Hinata-kun?” Bokuto yelled from his place on the couch. While Hinata had been lost in thought, Bokuto had made his way over to Akaashi. Somewhere in between, Bokuto had also lost his shirt. He sat shirtless with an arm draped over a blushing Akaashi’s shoulder.

“I’m calling him,” Hinata replied, determined, swaying slightly on his feet. He would never be able to get over Kageyama if he didn’t confront him. When Hinata was sober, he knew calling Kageyama was far from a good idea. He had no idea where to start or where to end or how to not ramble or honestly what to even say. But now? Giving his ex-best friend/boyfriend a call and finally facing him sounded like the best idea he had ever had. Hinata was on cloud nine. Why hadn’t he thought of this earlier?

“Who? Kageyama? I don’t think you should do it,” Sakusa commented. He was sipping his beer, undisturbed, and shaking his head slightly. Atsumu on the other hand looked thoroughly alarmed as if Hinata had just recounted a plan to steal money from a bank.

“Shouyou-kun, but didn’t you tell us to stop you if you ever tried to call Tobio-kun. Like forcefully stop you. I think you might have even said, and I quote,” Atsumu brought his hands up in the air to make dramatic air quotations, _“Throw my phone out the window if you have to, just do not let me call him.”_ His eyebrows were furrowed, and he was frowning.

“Uhm… no…. I don’t think I ever said that actually,” Hinata mumbled rapidly, shrugging his shoulders. Atsumu squinted at him as if waiting for him to crack under the pressure of his intense gaze. But Hinata’s bewildered and innocent expression didn’t change so after thirty seconds of staring at him, Atsumu shrugged his own shoulders in agreement.

“Well, if you say so!” Atsumu cheered and returned his attention to his beer and snuggling into Sakusa’s side. Hinata turned on his heels and began to walk towards the hallway that led to the bedrooms.

As the only sober person in the room, Akaashi felt it was his duty to do something about the impending situation. But Bokuto was placing kisses down the side of his neck, making it extremely difficult for Akaashi to think clearly.

“Hinata, wait!” he yelled at his retreating back, but Hinata had already disappeared down the hall. _Well fuck_ , Akaashi thought and sighed. He gave pushing Bokuto away and running after Hinata a split-second thought but Bokuto had finally reached his mouth and Akaashi surrendered to him. After all, Hinata was a grown man and Akaashi was not his babysitter.

* * *

Hinata stumbled into the guest room and fell on top of the bed. He was breathing quickly with a pounding heart as he dialed Kageyama’s number, his head spinning slightly. He wasn’t even sure if Kageyama would answer the phone, but he was prepared to give Kageyama a piece of his mind. Kageyama picked up the phone right before it went to voicemail.

“Shouyou? It’s 1 in the morning,” Kageyama’s voice was deep and full of sleep but also confused and worried. Hearing Kageyama’s voice made Hinata lose his concentration. For a few seconds, Hinata forgot why he had even called. The line remained silent except for their breathing.

“Shouyou, is everything alright?” Kageyama asked again, and Hinata was finally driven out of his trance. He had called Kageyama... but for what exactly? Was it to give him a piece of his mind?

“Hey Yamayama-kun,” Hinata replied, his voice soft and sweet.

“Are you ok?” Kageyama asked, his voice still full of concern. Hinata gave a little chuckle in reply. A few minutes ago, he had definitely felt frustrated beyond belief but hearing Kageyama’s voice for the first time in months might have been the catalyst he needed to finally understand. His head suddenly felt clear, he could think, and he knew exactly what he needed to do.

“I’m doing well, Tobio, thank you for asking. Better now than minutes ago too, actually. Wait… I’m better than ever!” Hinata’s voice was loud and boisterous, and although he didn’t notice it, his words were slurring, the syllables all melting into each other to form one long sentence.

“Shouyou?” Hinata giggled in response to Kageyama’s voice. He loved it when Kageyama called him by his given name and not his family name. It hadn’t been until senior year of high school when the pair had transitioned to calling each other by their given names. It had been something intimate, an action that connected the two on a deeper level. That same feeling of intimacy, as if he were being looked at through close, loving lenses, still stirred inside Hinata every time “Shouyou,” came out of Kageyama’s mouth.

“Tobio?”

“Are you drunk?” Kageyama wasted no time in his response, a stark contrast to Hinata’s delayed and slurred response time. His question was innocent and curious, and his tone caused Hinata to giggle. There was no point in trying to hide the obvious.

“Ding! Ding! Ding! Yes, hahaha I am drunk. Very, very, very drunk.” Kageyama could practically hear Hinata doing the :D face through the phone.

“Oh Shouyou… you should get to bed. Drink a bottle of water, take an Advil, and sleep this off. You’re going to regret it in the morning if you don’t and you have practice tomorrow, don’t you?” Hinata couldn’t help himself as he giggled in reply. It was a dramatic and extremely loud giggle, one that escaped his mouth with no hope of being reeled in.

“Is something wrong, Shouyou?” Kageyama’s voice never faltered, always so calm and peaceful.

“Oh… hahahaha… well nothing Tobio. I’m… just…well even after I was a freaking asshole to you when I didn’t reach out after learning you were paralyzed… and like even now after running out on you and making you cry in your room… and even after not calling you to check up, even after all that… I was such a massive, stupid, jerk face… but you’re still so nice, so kind to me, as if I deserve your kindness because I don’t. I don’t deserve you Tobio,” Hinata could now definitely hear his own slurred speech.

“Shouyou, you’re not a massive, stupid, jerk face,” it was only one phrase but Hinata suddenly felt overjoyed.

“You really think that, To-Tobio?” Hinata’s voice faltered a bit. “Even after not reaching out after all this time? Even after I made you cry in your apartment? Even after I never called you to see how you were?”

“Of course not, Shouyou. You may be a dumbass but you’re not a massive, stupid, jerk face... If anything, maybe I’m the massive, stupid, jerk face for ignoring you,” Hinata gasped in reply.

“Tobio, of course not. You could never be a massive, stupid, jerk face. Like well first of all, you were going through your own shit you know… and like I was the jerk face for just pretending everything was alright and the same and not being there for you when I should have been like I don’t deserve your kindness, I don’t deserve your friendship, I don’t deserve your love, even though there hasn’t been a day where I don’t think about you because I love you that much.” Hinata stopped in shock, mumbling fuck below his breath. He had truly gone and done it now.

“Well, uhm…. you know like a normal amount… like well you’re the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about before I fall asleep,”

“I mean… well you know not exactly like that. Just a regular love like a friend love, a bro love, a love-of-my-life-who-I’d-like-to-spend-the-rest-of-my-life-with love! That type of love, you know that type?” His mind was yelling at him to shut up, but all his inhibitions were gone, and he was like a train wreck with no way to be stopped. Full steam ahead with nothing to stop him from going all the way, last stop fucked-ville (as in Hinata would be fucked…...ville).

“Tobio, like not to be weird or anything you know…. but uhm how can I put this? I will move heaven and earth to be with you and love you and cherish you! You’re the same you… I mean your legs don’t work the same anymore but you’re the same you and like I’ll yell that from the rooftops because you’re the same beautiful, intelligent, thoughtful, soft, kind you! I bet your hair still stands on end when you’re scared, I bet your nose still does that cute scrunch when you’re confused, I bet you still smell like fresh laundry and icy hot spray, and I bet your favorite food is still curry. Walking is overrated anyway, you can roll everywhere dammit that’s so fucking cool Tobio, and I bet you’re really good at it, aren’t you? Because you are literally the best at every single thing you do,” Hinata stopped ranting when he finally ran out of breath. He giggled again as the weight of what he had just done settled around him, the point of no return having been passed a long time ago.

“Oops, didn’t mean to get carried away,” Hinata muttered.

Kageyama’s reply was quiet, as he stammered, “that’s o-ok, Shouyou… uhm… thank you?”

Hinata groaned in reply. “Goodness… you must think I’m such a weirdo.”

“Not at all.”

Hinata sighed in relief. “What a miracle,” he replied, smiling as the word _miracle_ echoed through his mind because nowadays that word only reminded him of one person. “Actually, Tobio?”

“Yes?”

“You’re my miracle. You could have died that day, but you didn’t,” Hinata was nearing the end of his rope now as he yawned. The euphoria and adrenaline that had come with the alcohol was beginning to wear off, drowsiness taking its place. Ironically, it was also like the longer his rambles became, the less his words slurred and the faster his speech became.

“You’re my miracle Kageyama Tobio and I cannot fucking wait to spend the rest of my life at your side. I haven’t told anyone this but I’ve already done a ton of research on paraplegia and what it means and how your body works now and physical therapy and occupational therapy and accessibility and what it means to live in an ableist society and how I can work towards dismantling the ableist norms of the society we live in or at least try because I am only one person after all but change can start with one person, you know so I’ll try my very very best!”

“Wait omg, Tobio have you looked into sitting volleyball?” Hinata yawned again but he was too excited to stop now.

“Well I’ve heard of it, but I haven’t looked into it,” Kageyama replied quietly.

“Well you should! Their league isn’t as popular, but I’ve been watching games on YouTube and it’s so fucking cool. I’m actually following a team from the Osaka prefecture, they’re in third place right now in the table. They’re called the Osaka Wasps and there’s soooooooo cool omg you should look into it Tobio, I want to try sitting volleyball so bad like it’s basically the same rules, but players’ legs must remain in contact with the court at all times when handling the ball. I’ve seen some pretty freaking awesome moves,” he sighed, thinking of the spikes he had already watched and dreaming about the amount of strength these players had to spike the ball the way they did while sitting on the court.

“There’s a league here in Tokyo and they’re pretty active. Bokuto and I are planning to play soon with the team from here and I’m actually trying to get a sort of partnership going with the V.League and the Japan Sitting Volleyball Association. I think it’d be great publicity for the JSVA, you know so more people learn about it. And it’d be great to have players from both leagues working together on the court, you know bringing athletes of the same caliber together! I’m trying to get it to work but there’s so much paperwork and bureaucracy involved but Kuroo is trying to help me since he works for the Japan Volleyball Association Sports Promotion Division and I’ve kind of been giving him shit for it because he should be working for both leagues equally you know? Like we’re not the only league that plays volleyball in Japan so what’s the deal?” His speech was littered with yawns and his once rapid speech was beginning to lose its speed. Hinata could feel his eyes beginning to shut without his consent, and he blinked rapidly in hopes that they’d stay open.

Kageyama was speechless. “Wow…. Shouyou… you’ve really done your research. I’ll definitely look into it, thank you for letting me know,”

“Of course, Tobio! I feel like I should have called you ages ago but I was too afraid. Of what? I’m not sure, I guess I didn’t feel worthy after all the pain I brought you. Like I wasn’t worthy of even being your friend after breaking your heart. Tobio, I am so sorry,” Hinata yawned and rubbed at his eyes, wishing his mouth would finally stop talking.

“It’s ok, Shouyou. I love you too,” Kageyama’s voice was so quiet he wasn’t sure if Hinata had heard him. He wasn’t even sure he wanted Hinata to hear him say those words back to him. But to Kageyama’s surprise, Hinata did reply.

“Hmmm… that’s an idea,” Hinata whispered, finally at ease. And in a few minutes, with the phone call still connected, Kageyama could only hear the quiet, soft snores and even breathing of the man who had once again, poured his heart and soul out to him, leaving him breathless, shocked, and with a heartache greater than any he had ever experienced.

* * *

Kageyama wasn’t sure why he picked up the phone when Hinata called. They hadn’t spoken once since their falling out about two months ago. Kageyama thought had it not been almost two in the morning, he probably would not have answered. His ringtone had woken him up and seeing Hinata’s name flashing on the screen at such an early hour of the morning had sent him into a slight panic. He had been meaning to message Hinata for weeks now, but every time it came down to it, he couldn’t go through with it. He’d pull up Hinata’s contact and stare at the phone number for minutes, willing himself to press call and explain himself. He wanted to hear Hinata’s voice more than anything in the world, but he couldn’t ever bring himself to make the call. So, maybe that’s why he picked up the phone.

The following day, Kageyama finally looked into sitting volleyball. He googled the Osaka Wasps first and binge-watched their matches on YouTube, making him late for PT. Later that day he brings up the possibility of sitting volleyball with his physical therapist. Ohtani thinks it’s a great idea but tells him it’ll probably be months before he can start as he still has _loads_ of upper body strength to build up. But Ohtani’s on board with the idea and Kageyama can’t believe it. Volleyball… he could still play volleyball… he could still play volleyball… with Hinata. The thought of one day being on the court again left him in a state of bliss.

Kageyama wasn’t sure why he picked up the phone when Hinata called but he’s so glad he did because hearing Hinata’s voice after so long, despite the intoxication, brought him so much joy. Hearing him ramble, and slip over his own words, but still proclaim his love had caused him to smile like a fool, so much so he was glad he was laying in his dark room where no one could see him. And although Kageyama had always hated the nickname Yamayama-kun, he could have sworn if that nickname was the last thing he ever heard Hinata say, he’d die happy.

Despite how drastically things had changed, maybe Kageyama was still just an idiot in love? Because during their phone call, he had been transported back to high school, when he had just been a 17-year-old boy with a massive crush on his middle blocker, unable to think straight and dreaming every night of a boy with orange hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in all honesty though, my apologies for the late update. I started reading  
> [ **but for me, there is a storm**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2074782) (276138 words) and have not been able to put it down. it's so good and an older fic, but pls give it some love if you like LONG fics and kghn and pacific rim because I love all those things. 
> 
> I think once a week updates are more feasible for me so I'll see you in a week. thank you again for checking this out. kudos and comments are always welcome :') 
> 
> stay safe!


	7. If you kiss me, will it be just like I dreamed it? Will it patch your broken wings?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> late update but I love this chapter because Natsu finally makes her appearance!!! I definitely hc her as an aspiring volleyball player who soon surpasses her brother in talent. and she definitely calls Kageyama, "Tobio," and loves him like a brother. there is A LOT of dialogue in this chapter, very Kageyama-centric. be prepared.
> 
> let the emotional pining begin.

Hinata could count the number of times he had woken up in an unfamiliar bed on one hand. Three times he had woken up next to hot strangers after three different one-night stands in Brazil. The next time came a couple months ago after a blind date set up by Atsumu; it hadn’t gone spectacularly, but he still ended up in a foreign bed that night. Now, he was staring the fifth time in the face after waking up in bed he did not recognize. And ironically enough, this time he had woken up alone.

Hinata’s mind was fuzzy and his brain was throbbing slightly as he rolled over onto his back to stare at the ceiling. He tried to recall exactly how he ended up in this unknown bed, in this unknown room, with a throbbing head that told him he had made all the wrong decisions the night before. But try as he may, he couldn’t remember.

Suddenly, as if on cue, a booming laugh resonated from somewhere down the hall, shaking Hinata out of his daze as he realized exactly where he was.

That was Bokuto. This was Akaashi and Bokuto’s guest room.

“Fuck!” He yelled, shooting up from the bed as he faintly remembered three things from last night.

  1. He had drank more tequila last night than he had ever in his life.
  2. Drunk Hinata had called Kageyama last night, against sober Hinata’s best wishes.
  3. The details were all missing but he remembered telling Kageyama he loved him... and not just once, but multiple times.



“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck,” the mutters under his breath were constant, as he paced the floor of the guest room. How could he be so fucking stupid and why had no one stopped him? His phone was lying on the floor, long forgotten and Hinata wanted to chuck it out the window. Perhaps if he did, the call would just be taken back into the universe? ( _Is that how these things worked?)_ He held his breath as he picked up his phone, wishing it’d disappear before he could open it. He continued to hold his breath as he checked how long the dreaded phone call had lasted, hoping more than anything that it had been just a couple minutes and not long enough for Hinata to have truly buried himself in embarrassment with words he had no control over.

He came to a complete stop as he stared at the time log staring right back at him.

**7:23. 7 full hours with 23 minutes.**

What the actual fuck? Had he fallen asleep on the phone? Had Kageyama also fallen asleep? How long had they spoken because now there really was no way to tell? In that time, what had Hinata confessed?

Hinata fell on top of the bed with a groan, wondering how one person _(one measly, little person)_ could fuck up as much as he had because considering how much wrong he had accomplished in the last three months alone, he should probably be in the running for some world record.

* * *

To Kageyama’s dismay, Hinata doesn’t reach out after his drunk call and Kageyama ends up chalking it up to the fact that Hinata was drunk out of his mind, and probably didn’t even remember calling him. Kageyama prayed for the guts to make the first move following the call, hoping to try to explain to Hinata what had happened, and that _really, it was fine, no worries and no bad blood_ but he didn’t have it in him. And as euphoric as he was feeling following the call and Hinata’s love confession, all he could feel now was sorrow. Why did Hinata have to go and confess to him the way he did? Why did Hinata have to go and cause Kageyama to suddenly experience a mixture of feelings that he hadn’t felt in a very long time? And why the fuck was Kageyama not brave enough to do something about it?

A week passes and nothing from Hinata. Another week and still, nothingness. The third week since their call and still, not one text, not one phone call. That third week, however, also brings with it Kageyama’s four-month anniversary since his accident and for a few hours, Kageyama is able to forget about Hinata to focus on himself and his journey.

Four whole months had passed since the car crash.

113 whole days.

His family had stopped “celebrating” the anniversaries of his accident _(you know, the one where he didn’t **die** ) _after their failed attempt that first time. But that didn’t mean Kageyama couldn’t acknowledge the importance of the day and what it meant to him. He no longer felt pity. He no longer felt lonely. He no longer felt like a stranger in a body that wasn’t his.

The days for pity were long gone, faded away with the pain of his trauma. The more time that passed, the more at home he felt in his body. Time was what he needed to wash away his misery, and thankfully, time was not a stranger. Instead, time was his friend, and what a good friend it was.

* * *

For his beautiful, little, _baby_ sister, Hinata would move the world. For Natsu, he would die in a heartbeat and without hesitation to save her. For Natsu, he would move mountains, eliminate enemies, and fight tooth and nail to keep a smile on her face. But for now, on the day of her 15th birthday, Hinata was on a mission to bake her favorite birthday cake to the best of his ability. That’s why he found himself in Miyagi, on the eve of one of the most important games of the season, scouring the grocery store in search of candles and the ingredients for Natsu’s mango short cake. He had already practiced baking this specific cake multiple times in preparation, and his last attempt had received flying colors from his friends. He was ready to bake the best cake Natsu had ever tasted in her 15 years of living, all he needed now was the ingredients.

But he had been backed up at a party store beforehand and was now running extremely off schedule. With anxiety off the charts and adrenaline coursing through his veins, Hinata ran aisle through aisle, picking the best mangos, flour, and eggs that money could buy until he finally reached the last ingredient on his list: milk.

All Hinata needed was milk. One gallon would do, it’d be plenty with leftover to spare.

All Hinata needed was milk but what he received in return was so much greater.

Halfway down the dairy aisle with a case of milk cartons secured firmly on his lap, and a bag of rice draped over each thigh, was none other than Kageyama Tobio. He was reeking of relaxation, with the ease of absolutely no care in the world, as if all he knew was peace. It was a stark contrast to how Hinata felt, physically frozen in place as he stared at Kageyama closing the fridge door in front of him. Hinata did a double take, a triple take, and then a quadruple take for good measure, before Kageyama turned around in his wheelchair and met his eye. Their expressions were mirrored on each other’s faces, both openmouthed and stunned, as if not completely sure if the other person was real or just a figment of their imagination. After a few seconds, Kageyama finally decided he was actually staring at Hinata and his expression turned to a beaming smile as he raised an arm from where his hands gripped the wheels of his chair to give Hinata a wave.

It’d been a little over four months since Kageyama’s accident. About three months since Hinata had run out on him in his Tokyo apartment. Exactly one month since Hinata’s drunk call, and the pair hadn’t spoken a word since. This was definitely not how they expected to see each other after so long apart.

Hinata in his Sunday best, frantically searching for ingredients that would soon make up his sister’s mango short cake and running low on time.

Kageyama in sweats with messy hair and all the time in the world, shopping for groceries with his mother.

As Hinata traveled as fast as he could down the aisle while still pushing his shopping cart, he was hit with the sudden realization that this was the first time he was seeing the _new_ Kageyama. Last time they had met, Kageyama had still been in a hospital wheelchair with his left arm in a cast resembling a smaller, broken version of himself. But the Kageyama in front of him was no longer that one. This Kageyama looked healthy, alive, and radiant, positively beaming and beautiful as ever. His back stood tall in his blue wheelchair that resembled those used in wheelchair sports. It was compact, with large wheels on each side and no arm rests. There was a hanger in front of his chair that ended in a footrest that kept his black converse flat in front of him. Hinata was blown away to see how comfortable Kageyama looked as he glided up the aisle to meet him.

“Shouyou?! What are you doing here?” Kageyama asked, mouth agape and voice ebullient, when they finally reached each other. He was grinning from ear to ear and his eyes seemed to sparkle. Hinata smiled fondly, wrestling both the image of their last face to face encounter and his embarrassing drunk call from his mind. All he wanted to do was take in Kageyama in all his glory, the Kageyama that was here and now, staring at him with all the love in the world.

“I came up for the weekend for Natsu’s birthday,” Hinata exclaimed, shaking his head up and down. He was bouncing on the balls of his feet, heart racing and mind running a million miles per hour. He couldn’t believe his eyes. He couldn’t believe that Kageyama sat right in front of him, body and flesh as he tried to remember why the hell it had been so long since they had last seen each other. _(Oh yea,_ _because you weren’t there to comfort him, because you literally emotionally traumatized him, because you should have just been there to listen to him, but you didn’t. That’s why it’s been so long.)_

“I have to buy ingredients for her birthday cake, but it’s taken me some time to find them all. And then I took too long at the other store, and now I’m just… well running all over the place,” Hinata shrugged and ran a hand through his hair, unsure of what to do with his hands as he awkwardly swayed from side to side. He also didn’t know where to look as his eyes fell on Kageyama’s arms. Hinata couldn’t help but notice the amount of muscle Kageyama had added to his arms because they had obviously been hefty before, but this was definitely something else. _(Not the time Shouyou, please fucking keep it in your pants.)_

“Give me a hug Shouyou, I missed you so much,” Kageyama finally asserted, snapping Hinata out of his own lustful thoughts. Hinata stepped away from the shopping cart to wrap his arms around Kageyama’s shoulders, as Kageyama buried his face into his abdomen. Hinata’s face was in Kageyama’s hair _(and wow… this was new. Usually it was the other way around, with Kageyama burying his face into Hinata’s hair as they hugged)_ and he smelled like fresh laundry and cologne. Their bodies felt perfectly aligned as they hugged, as if their bodies had been meant for each other. They held onto each other for a couple seconds as Hinata tried to take down every detail of the hug in his memory, as Hinata wasn’t keen on forgetting this long overdue embrace now that it was finally here. He wished they could hug forever.

“Sorry if that felt weird. I’m still trying to get over my sudden switch in height difference,” Kageyama remarked after pulling back, staring up at Hinata. Hinata leaned against the hand railings of his shopping cart, the ingredients for Natsu’s cake laying long forgotten.

“It didn’t feel weird, just different.” Hinata shrugged his shoulders. “Honestly, it felt good. But I never thought I’d live to see the day where I was taller than you, Tobio,” Hinata replied, chuckling, unable to contain the happiness that was bubbling inside of him.

“That makes two of us,” Kageyama raised his eyebrows, almost lost in thought. “How are you doing? Fuck it’s been so long,” he mused. For all the times he thought how this encounter would go down, he never thought it’d be like this. Awkwardness at a minimum, conversation steady, as if not even a day had passed since they’d last seen each other.

“Well same old, same old for me. We’re first place in the table so I’ve just been trying to stay on top of my game,” Hinata watched in horror as Kageyama’s expression faltered for a split second before quickly returning to normal.

“Shit, I’m sorry, we haven’t spoken in months and the first thing I bring up is my volleyball team as if that’s what important right now because-” Hinata felt a ramble coming up but Kageyama cut him off.

“Shouyou, stop. It’s ok. Really, don’t worry,” Kageyama gave him a genuine smile where his eyes got all crinkly around the edges causing Hinata’s heart to flutter.

“Well what about you, Tobio? How is…” Hinata paused, a million questions running through his mind, unsure of where to even start.

  
“Life?” Kageyama finished, causing Hinata to nod in reply.

“Life’s a trip Shouyou, but I’ve been great. Just a lot of physical therapy and work outs lately, to be honest. I’m also learning how to drive again. And I actually have been mentoring the boys’ volleyball team at Karasuno with Ukai-san and Takeda-sensei,” Hinata’s eyes widened as his jaw almost fell to the floor at the last bit of news. How did he not know this?! Why hadn’t anyone told him?

“Tobio, holy shit, that’s amazing!” He wanted to hug Kageyama again. It had always been their dreams to go back to Karasuno and pass over knowledge to the new generation of volleyball players. And now Tobio was doing exactly what they had dreamed of.

“Ukai-san invited me, said it’d be good for the boys and good for me and I’ve only been at it for a few weeks, but it’s been so much fun. The kids are great, always ready to learn and try new things. They have a really great team this year and they just keep getting better. They’re all so full of energy, overexcited about everything. They remind me a lot of you actually,”

“Thank you,” Hinata replied simply to the compliment, growing quiet. It hurt him just a tiny bit that Kageyama had thought of Hinata, that something had reminded him of Hinata, but he never gave him a call. Silence filled the air as they stared one another in the eye. Hinata awkwardly checked the time on his phone.

“Tobio, I hate to do this to you, but I really have to get going if I want to finish decorating the house and baking this cake on time,” Kageyama gave him a reassuring grin.

“Of course, just one more thing before you go,” Kageyama paused before continuing. “I’m sorry how we ended things, that one night. I believed I could do this,” he gestured to his stationary legs in front of him, “on my own. I’m so sorry Shouyou for avoiding you as if you had done something wrong to me. In all honesty, I thought cutting everyone out of my life would make this so much easier but boy was I wrong. No hard feelings?”

Hinata wasted no time with his reply. “None whatsoever. Zero, zip, zilch, nada.” Kageyama laughed and Hinata thought there was no sound more beautiful. A wild thought suddenly ran through his mind. He wasn’t sure if Kageyama would accept the last-minute invitation, but he thought it really wouldn’t hurt to at least try.

“Tobio, do you want to come to Natsu’s birthday party later today? I’m positive she’d love to see you! My mom’s making barbeque! And we could catch up maybe? And finally stop being the strangers we’ve become?” He watched a little internal battle take place in Kageyama’s head as he mulled it over, and he eventually gave Hinata a little nod.

“Well… it wouldn’t hurt. And I really do miss Natsu,” Hinata beamed with joy.

“Party starts at 3PM! Look I have to blast because I am _really_ behind schedule, but I’ll see you later. Natsu’s going to be over the moon when she sees you!”

Hinata swore he would remember the grin Kageyama shot back at him until the end of time. It was a tranquil, warm smile that reminded Hinata of their better days.

* * *

Hinata was halfway through the baking process of Natsu’s cake when he received a text message. He stared at his phone in awe, as he realized the last text messages they had exchanged had been on New Year’s Day, four months ago. 

**Time: 1:58 PM**

**From: Tobio**

**_Hey! I’m running late so I’ll see you around 4PM._ **

**Time: 1:59 PM**

**From: Tobio**

**_I’m not actually running… but you know what I mean. #wheelchairlife_ **

Hinata chuckled at Kageyama’s joke and pocketed his cell phone, unable to contain his excitement as he continued with the cake.

When Kageyama finally arrived, the boys realized just how spot on Hinata had been when he said Natsu would be excited to see Kageyama. She nearly toppled him out of his chair, with a scream of “Tobio-chan!?!” as she embraced him in a massive bear hug.

“I missed you too Natsu,” Kageyama said gasping, but beaming with happiness, returning the hug with the same intensity.

Their guests were all seated in the backyard, in chairs at tables that had been set out on the grass. Kageyama didn’t feel comfortable using his chair on the grass yet, so they sat under the patio awning, watching the birthday party unfold in front of them. They made random small talk about topics ranging from the current MSBY Black Jackals’ shenanigans to Kageyama’s PT progress and eating barbeque with plates in their laps. Sometimes Hianta’s family members would come up and initiate a conversation with Kageyama. Not everyone knew that they had once been in a relationship, but everyone _definitely_ knew about Kageyama’s famous accident. For the most part though, his family wasn’t overbearing; they respectfully kept their distance except for a few of Hinata’s sports-crazed cousins. When someone new arrived, Hinata had to go greet them alongside Natsu, but Kageyama was relaxed, calm, and totally at home, that Hinata never once worried about leaving him alone. Despite having not seen each other for months, the two resumed and fell into sync, almost as if no time at all had passed. Everything felt right and the two were at peace.

* * *

Kageyama wheeled himself around Hinata’s room, taking it all in as he swam in nostalgia. The party had ended about an hour ago and after helping the Hinatas tidy up, he had stuck around as if he had nowhere to be. It wasn’t too late and if he was being honest, he kind of didn’t want to leave.

“Everything’s just like I remember,” he murmured as he examined all the pictures that lined the wall above Hinata’s desk. There was the group picture of the team at Nationals their 1st year. A picture of Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, Yachi, Kageyama, and Hinata on gradation day. A picture of the two of them on a beach date (this was Kageyama’s favorite picture: he laid out on a beach blanket with Hinata’s head resting on his chest. They were both a little sunburnt but desperately and hopelessly in love. Yachi has taken that picture, squealing with delight). There were a couple pictures of Natsu and Hinata’s mother. A picture of Hinata sitting on Nishinoya’s shoulders, as Tanaka stuck his tongue out in the background. A solo picture of Kenna with a rare smile as he held up his cat with all the love in the world. A picture of Bokuto and Hinata showing off their _ace_ shirts and flexing their biceps. And lastly, a solo picture of Kageyama setting a volleyball, his face riddled with concentration. Kageyama remembers Hinata taking that picture and being extremely proud of how it turned out (“By the looks of this, I should have been a photographer Kageyama!”)

“Everything is probably exactly the same,” Hinata responded, falling onto his bed, stuffed with birthday cake and just about ready to pass out from a food coma. “After Brazil, I didn’t spend much time here before I moved to Tokyo. Haven’t really touched anything since senior year to be honest,” he sighed, dreamily. Kageyama forced himself to turn away from the photos that held so many memories. Hinata had always been the sentimental one, the one obsessed with the little details, and seeing all these pictures brought back memories that made Kageyama’s head spin.

“So, you drive back to Tokyo tonight?” Kageyama asked, turning to face him.

“Yup… big game tomorrow,” Hinata replied softly. Kageyama didn’t fail to catch the sad undertone in his voice.

“Something wrong?” Kageyama answered, slightly confused.

“I just… well… I wish I could stay longer to hang out with you. Today kind of felt like… the old days. You know, when it was just you and me against the world,” Hinata smiled weakly, shrugging his shoulders and wondering if Kageyama understood what he was trying to say.

“But Shouyou, things change. Even before my accident, we both had changed so much. You came back a new person from Brazil. I came back a new person after my accident,” Kageyama leaned back in his wheelchair, running a hand through his hair. The two had been playing a sort of evasion game the whole day as neither of them dared bring up the subject of Kageyama’s injury. Now it felt like Hinata was slowly but surely closing in on it and it made sense. Kageyama had kept Hinata in the dark for so long, it would be logical for him to want to know more.

“But not entirely, Tobio! I just feel like I don’t know where the old Tobio ends and the new one begins. I wish I could stay and learn more about this... more about you… because now I feel like I barely know you,” Hinata gasped after the words left his mouth and his hands flew up to cover it.

“No, fuck, I’m sorry. I don’t want to be pushy or needy or obnoxious. It’s not my place to ask about this, it’s your decision to tell me if you want, it’s completely up to you, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to sound presumptuous,” Hinata stammered and his expression faltered. He had finally crossed the invisible line he had been trying to carefully avoid all day. He wouldn’t be surprised if Kageyama decided to leave right then and there.

Kageyama watched Hinata scramble for words and finally decided: if anyone deserved an explanation, it was him. Kageyama’s recovery journey had been tough… to say the least. He was still on the road to recovery, but thankfully he was in a much better place now than he had been four months ago. If he was being honest, Hinata had been the person that had hurt Kageyama most to abandon. The fact that he had already reconciled with everyone else, but not Hinata still rang through his head. Hinata didn’t deserve this and Kageyama sure as hell didn’t deserve him.

“Shouyou,” he wheeled himself over to the bed. Hinata was still in panic mode so he reached out to touch his arm.

“Stop. It’s alright. If anyone deserves an explanation, it’s you.” Kageyama could see a wave of relief wash over him. Hinata crossed his legs, his elbows resting on his knees, and his chin resting in his hands. In this position, they were almost at eye level and for some weird reason, Kageyama immediately felt a wave of calm wash over him.

“But I’m not really sure where to begin…”

“At the beginning?” Hinata quipped.

“I know that, dumbass,” and they shared a laugh. Kageyama immediately felt at home. This really shouldn’t be too hard.

“Well, you already know what happened at the crash, what I saw and how I felt. The thought of my grandpa right before I blacked out really fucked me up for a long time. I spent a long time in denial over my paralysis, both while in the hospital and after being discharged. That’s why I had literally everyone I know find out at the same time with a statement from my PR rep. Even my teammates found out over Instagram. Fucked up right?” He sighed.

“I just refused to believe it. I had an astonishing number of breakdowns that first month. My anxiety was always through the roof, I thought I was useless, and I slept very little. I was in a really bad place,” Hinata remained frozen in place, silent as he took in his words. Kageyama took a deep breath, realizing his hands had begun to shake. He gripped his thighs to get them to stop.

“Ironically, the news of my paralysis finally coming out to the open was one of my best moments since getting hurt. All the fear I felt, and the anxiety of what people would think of me lessened with the amount of support I received. It took me a long time to realize what I had truly been afraid of. I was scared I’d be worthless without volleyball. I had no idea who I was without it. But even though I received so much support, I still cut everyone out. I felt like I had to, like there was just no other way.

“Moving out of Tokyo was a double-edged sword for me. It was going to be a fresh start, but it also turned out to be the catalyst I needed to shut myself off from the world of volleyball. In my mind, “volleyball Tobio” was dead. Therefore, I no longer needed what had made up my world of volleyball. That meant my team, my coach, my fans, my sponsors. Anything that reeked of “volleyball Tobio” had to be left behind. Sadly, that also meant you. I couldn’t have become the player I was without you so if there was anything that connected me to volleyball, it was you. So, you had to go, and that was that.

“I honestly thought I was doing myself a favor. I justified it all by saying it would help me on my road to recovery. It was a necessary evil that would make everything easy going forward, adjusting to my new life would be a walk in the park now that my old life was gone. But I was so wrong. Learning to accept my legs, learning how to use my wheelchair, learning to do things on my own that I had once taken for granted. My upper body ached every day from physical therapy and exercises and constant repetition. My lower body ached from spasms and dead weight. I hated my legs for so long. I would yell at them sometimes, as if that would make any sort of difference, and there were so many days where I was just so mad at them for not moving. I became filled with rage and grief which made it really easy to ignore anyone who cared about me.

“My goodness, I cried so much. I’ve cried more in these last four months than I have my whole life. I’m not really sure what kicked me out of that anger depression, but it was a gradual uphill battle. No matter how many times I made Miwa cry from frustration or anguish, she never left my side and one day I just realized I didn’t deserve her or my parents and after that I felt different. Up to that point I hadn’t been living life to the fullest, I had kind of just been letting life pass me by and I needed to change that.

“Then one day I ran into Suga, and after months of ignoring him, he still just wanted the best for me. That led to so much and I slowly began to reach out to those I had pushed away. I started physical therapy and the goals I set for myself became the foundation of my life. I decided to finally try therapy and that was definitely a game-changer. I set goals in terms of my mental health and relationships, and I began breaking down the walls I had worked so hard to build. I was starting to live life again the way it was meant to, but to my surprise, even though I was paralyzed, I wasn’t a completely new person. Volleyball was still an important part of me and as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t just throw that part of me away.

“I think the most important thing I learned about myself was that being in a wheelchair was not and would never be my most interesting trait. Obviously, I couldn’t ignore it, but it also didn’t have to become the most important thing about me. I wasn’t _Tobio in a wheelchair_ , I was just _Tobio_ , who happened to use a wheelchair to move around. Working at Karasuno with the volleyball team also helped me so much. And after our phone call, I looked into sitting volleyball and I’m excited for the day I’m strong enough to try it. Volleyball is still a part of my life.

“I’ve had good days and bad days, but I think this whole journey has made me a much stronger person. Like even stronger than before my accident. Tobio from before the car crash and present Tobio are worlds apart but not necessarily in a bad way. I miss my legs,” he chuckled nervously before continuing, slapping his thighs lightly. “But I’ve realized that despite everything, if I could live that day again and had the choice to not get into my car, I would still get in anyways,” he stopped with a triumphant expression in his eyes.

“And that’s enough talking for today,” he concluded with a chuckle. Hinata hadn’t reacted or moved throughout Kageyama’s entire speech. He’d been at the edge of his seat the whole time and now that it was over, he was unsure of how to reply to such an intimate and emotionally draining message.

“Thank you for sharing this with me.” Hinata murmured slowly and almost in a daze, nodding his head with wide eyes. There were no words that would convey exactly how he was feeling. Instead, he leaned forward to pull Kageyama into a hug. Kageyama tensed up for a split second but relaxed the instant his arms wrapped around Hinata’s broad back and Hinata buried his face into the crook of his neck.

“You know Tobio, I’ve always admired you and well… I’ll probably never stop, so thanks for that,” Hinata spoke into his neck, and Kageyama was grateful they weren’t looking at each other as a blush began to creep up his neck. A warmth spread from Kageyama’s heart through his body, leaving him with a sensation as if he’d never be sad again. He opened his mouth to say something but stopped, tilting his head back and staring right into Hinata’s eyes as if finally seeing him for the first time. Kageyama swore he was getting lost in his golden, brown eyes as he momentarily forgot where he was and as a gentle silence began to fill the room, they leaned again towards each other almost instinctively, very slowly and without saying a word. Their noses bumped first, and Kageyama was the one who made the first move after that, tilting his mouth upwards to touch Hinata’s. It was Hinata’s turn to freeze this time as their lips touch and even though both brains were screaming to hold on forever and never let go, the kiss lasts only seconds. It was a kiss so gentle it reminds Kageyama of the first time they ever kissed.

Hinata pulled away first, rather reluctantly and awkwardly as both faces turned a dark shade of pink. He was about to say something, with a furious blush creeping up his neck when there was a loud knock at the door. Hinata cleared his throat before answering.

“Y-yes?”

“Nii-chan, can I come in?”

“Yes, Natsu, come in,”

The birthday girl stepped into the room with all the calmness in the world, immediately sensing the tension in the room and the elevated heartbeats of both the room’s occupants. Kageyama and Hinata tried their best to put on poker faces but Natsu’s eyes narrowed at their red faces; their flushed cheeks gave her all the information she needed. She coughed quietly, pretending to play dumb.

“Tobio, your sister is here. I told her I’d come look for you,” she commented nonchalantly, walking over to plop herself down on the bed next to Hinata.

“Thanks, Natsu,” Kageyama stammered back, the color refusing to leave his cheeks. Natsu raised her eyebrow at him and looked quickly between the pair.

“Y’all… good or…?” she asked, with her eyes squinting at her brother, knowing if one of them was going to confess, it’d most likely be him. Before Hinata could stutter something out, Kageyama jumped in to save the day.

“We’re great Natsu, just reminiscing on old times,” his voice was steady and clear. Natsu decided it was best to just drop it, she’d be able to corner her brother before he left (that much would be easy).

“Ok! Anyways,” she turned to look directly at Kageyama, a huge smile spreading across her face. “Thank you for coming today, Tobio. I missed you so much and you were such a wonderful surprise. And even though this one,” she turned to give her brother a light punch, “lives in Tokyo, you are so welcome to come by anytime you want. Please promise me you’ll visit?” Hinata rolled his eyes as his sister gave Kageyama the biggest puppy eyes she could muster, prompting a head nod from Kageyama and a squeal of delight from Natsu.

“Perfect! I can show you how much I’ve improved Tobio-chan, I’m telling you now that my serves are killer,” she feinted as if practicing a serve with an imaginary ball. “Even better than nii-chan’s,” Hinata fake gasped dramatically, placing a hand over his heart.

“Not so, Natsu!”

“Yes so, and you know it! Anyways, I’ll let you two finish whatever this was,” she stood straight up, shrugging her shoulders. “Tobio, I’ll let your sister know you’ll be a few minutes,” Kageyama opened his mouth to protest but he wasn’t sure what to say. Natsu winked at them, before scurrying out of the room, leaving behind a silence so tense you could cut it with a knife.

“So…” Hinata started, looking anywhere but Kageyama’s eyes.

“So…” Kageyama copied, staring at the ceiling and bringing a hand up to rub the back of his head.

“That was nothing,” Hinata continued.

“Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool,” Kageyama rambled, staring at his feet as if they were the most interesting things in the world.

“Tobio,” Hinata’s voice is stern and Kageyama finally looks up. “It was just one kiss, right? Are we good?”

“Of course, Shouyou. Sorry for that,” Hinata laughs and narrows his eyes, playfully.

“What are you apologizing for? Anyways, let’s not keep your sister waiting any longer,” he concludes and the two make their way out of the bedroom.

* * *

At the front door, Natsu gives Kageyama a long hug and reminds him of his promise to come visit before he wheels himself out to the driveway, with Hinata following closely behind. Miwa leaned against the passenger door and looked up to wave at them, calling Hinata’s name. It’d been months since he’d last seen her but Hinata was grateful to see her face glowing with a smile, the dark bags that had once taken root on her face now gone.

“Hinata-kun!” She embraced Hinata in a hug when they approach. She smelled like strawberries and flowers.

“Ugh, did you get taller again? Bigger?” She’s looked him up and down and Hinata couldn’t help but blush.

“A little?” he replied, with a question of his own. Miwa just laughs, and steps aside so Kageyama could open the passenger door. She stands by attentively, almost as if ready to catch Kageyama, and Hinata isn’t sure exactly what she’s doing until Kageyama puts his wheelchair brakes on and begins to transfer himself from his chair into the car. This was the first time Hinata had seen Kageyama complete a transfer and although it took him a couple minutes, he eventually was able to shift his body into the car seat effectively.

“Fastest one yet little brother,” Miwa commented as she began taking apart his wheelchair. Hinata stepped up to help but she waved him away.

“No worries, Hinata-kun. I got this,” as Miwa busied herself storing the wheelchair parts in the trunk, Hinata and Kageyama exchanged one last goodbye. There was still an awkwardness between them that they both ignored as Hinata bit his lip.

“Thanks for coming Tobio, uhm, I’m very glad we ran into each other at the store,” Kageyama smiled, his eyes grew crinkly like they always do, and there’s nothing Hinata wanted to do more than kiss him again. 

“I’m happy I ran into you too,” Kageyama wanted to reach out and kiss him again... he wanted to kiss him so bad.

“Oh, and Shouyou, thanks for this. It really made my day,”

* * *

Minutes later, Hinata finds himself in his room again packing up his sports bag, while two internal debates rage inside of him.

  1. What did that kiss mean? Why had Kageyama initiated it? And worst of all, why did he brush it away as if it were nothing?
  2. Should he drive back to Tokyo tonight or just wait until tomorrow morning because granted the game was at noon but if he drove back at 5 in the morning, he’d arrive right on time for their pre-game practice…



Lucky for Hinata, he didn’t have time to carefully dissect either debate because his sister _(you know, the one he would die for)_ barged into his room, cornering him and leaving him without an escape route.

“Nii-chan, what WAS that?” Natsu stands at only about 5’2, almost half a foot shorter than her brother, but she stands tall in front of the door, shooting daggers at him with her eyes.

“What do you mean?” stammering, with all the obliviousness in the world, Hinata ducked to avoid her gaze.

“You and Tobio! Tobio and you! I could practically see the sexual tension in this room the second I stepped inside. The flushed cheeks, the fierce blushing, the willful pining. You two couldn’t have made it anymore obvious,” Natsu threw her arms into the air, exasperated. All she earns is an honest frown from her older brother, who stops packing in order to fall onto his bed.

“We just kissed, that’s all,”

“Kissed?!”

“I said it was nothing, he agreed. It was nothing, just one kiss,” Hinata’s expression was defeated and Natsu couldn’t help but feel a special type of sadness for her older brother.

“Goodness nii-chan, you two should win some award for pining because you two are certainly the best at it,” Hinata sighed as Natsu leaned into his side, the emotions of the night beginning to slowly fade away in the calming presence of his precious, little sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh!!!!! finally a kiss ∩(︶▽︶)∩ ugh I love writing these two.
> 
> ironically, the toughest part of this chapter was choosing the title? and even then, I don't think I picked the right one since it's just SO obvious. anyways, I've realized that I don't really like setting deadlines for myself either but I'll try my best to update every week! kudos & comments are always welcome <3 they warm my lil' heart


	8. But we were something, don't you think so?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a more Hinata-centric chapter this time around! and yes this chapter demonstrates my "Bokuto Koutarou is a good big bro" tag because he is indeed... a good big bro :") 
> 
> also, Bokuto and Akaashi are married in this universe, I think I dropped that somewhere else but if I didn't this is me telling you that yes... they are married (but they kept their names which is why Hinata still calls him Akaashi) 
> 
> this chapter is very slowburn but trust me, that'll be coming to an end soon

**_it’s hard not to_** **_fall in love_ ****_with someone_ _when they_** **_see the_** ** _mixed-up parts of your_** ** _soul._ **

**_when_** ** _they understand_** ** _the darkest and_** ** _dustiest_ ** **_corners of your mind._ **

**_when_ ** **_it’s four a.m._** ** _and they call_** ** _because_** ** _they know you’re_ ** **_not_** ** _asleep._ ** **_(j.k.)_**

* * *

As much as he wanted to unpack the hodgepodge of feelings that was swirling inside him, Hinata didn’t have much time to dwell on the kiss in the day that followed. Early the next morning, Hinata embarked on the five-hour drive back to Tokyo, making it right on time for his team's pre-game practice. Running on a little less than five hours of sleep while having downed four cups of black coffee was when Hinata accomplished his best work; that afternoon’s game was no exception. The adrenaline from winning an extremely close game and maintaining their place at the top of the table was enough to keep Kageyama out of Hinata’s mind for at least a few hours. Per tradition, the gang went to Onigiri Miya following the game and it wasn’t until midnight when Hinata was finally laying in his bed (exhausted but elated) when the thought of Kageyama finally reentered his mind.

Kageyama and his beautiful blue eyes.

Kageyama and his beautiful black hair.

Kageyama and his beautiful arms, his beautiful legs, his beautiful laugh, his beautiful smile, his beautiful voice.

 _Goodness, you’re head over heels Shouyou aren’t you?_ He thought to himself as he stared at the ceiling and began to imagine how it would feel to kiss Kageyama again. Across his lips, in the crook of his neck, at the little spot above his navel, up and down his thighs. Fuck, he was getting hard just thinking of him. But as quickly as lust filled him, it disappeared as Hinata thought of the way they had both so easily waved away the kiss as if it were nothing… because well, what had it been?

Hinata was terrified of making the first move. Goodness gracious, there was nothing he dreaded more than making the first move. Hinata believed himself to be a pretty brave person, so much so he knew he would jump in front of a bullet to save a person he loved. But when it came to making the first move… that was a whole different story. In high school when they had finally gotten together their senior year, it was Kageyama who had made the first move. Sometimes Hinata wondered where they’d be if he hadn’t been the one to confess his love because Hinata could almost swear he wouldn’t have been able to go through with it. They’d probably still be hopelessly pining over each other.

Hinata didn’t want to fuck this up again. He had already fucked up twice in the last four months. He was in no mood to pour his heart out to Kageyama, and have his heart returned in shreds. But most importantly, he was in no mood to hurt Kageyama again. Hinata never again wanted to be the cause of his pain. _Never_. As long as he lived, he promised himself he'd never hurt him.

That night, Hinata fell asleep sometime around 2AM as excuses ran through his head. They were all flimsy excuses that he tried to believe about the kiss they had shared. It could have been adrenaline or the impending food coma or the effects of Kageyama’s emotional speech? There were so many things that could have triggered it but, in the end, it was a spontaneous, meaningless act that he probably shouldn’t dwell on. Kageyama probably didn’t even think twice about it so why should he be the one to suffer?

_Spontaneous kisses between ex-lovers happened often, right?_

That night, against his best intentions, Hinata dreamt of Kageyama.

He dreamt of them embracing on top of a beach towel, falling asleep under the stars on the sandy beaches of Rio de Janeiro.

* * *

In almost every way, sitting volleyball was just like regular volleyball. There was an ace on the team as well as a libero. Kills were allowed and service aces were still possible. The match involved six players versus six players. Honestly, Hinata could only count three differences between the two. 

  1. At least one buttock had to be in contact with the floor whenever you hit the ball.
  2. You could block a serve.



And lastly,

  1. Sitting volleyball was so much more difficult than regular volleyball.



Bokuto and Hinata had spent one of their rare days off practicing with the sitting volleyball team located in Tokyo, the Tokyo-Titanium Tigers (or TT-Tigers for short). The TT-Tigers were the second-best team in the league, sitting one spot ahead of Hinata’s favorite team (the Osaka Wasps). They were some of the best of the best and Hinata was thrilled they graciously accepted his request to come to one of their practices.

After running a couple drills with the team, Bokuto and Hinata were split up on different sides of the court for a six versus six practice scrimmage. Bokuto found himself right at home with the players, his joyful energy vibrating throughout the entire team. He learned quickly and was surprisingly agile at reacting while sitting down. On the other hand, Hinata was having more trouble with the fact that he couldn’t use his legs, finding it difficult to move around, and earning more than one warning whistle from the referee when he committed a rule violation.

After their scrimmage (Bokuto’s side ended up winning), Hinata and the captain of the TT-Tigers, Maeda-san, sat on the court passing a ball to each other. Maeda-san was an older man, in his late thirties, who had been playing for the TT-Tigers for more than ten years. He was a double amputee, injured during a freak electrical accident at work who had turned to sitting volleyball after his accident and gone professional. He was a very calm man with long hair pulled back in a ponytail and a calmness to him that made Hinata feel as if they had known each other for years.

“So, what’d you think Hinata-kun? Was it what you were expecting?”

“It’s much harder than it looks that’s for sure,” Hinata groaned, setting the ball to Maeda-san who bumped it back to him.

“With practice, you’ll get the hang of it! Thanks for coming out to join us, you and Bokuto-kun are quite famous you know,” Hinata laughed, bumping the ball and stealing a glance at Bokuto who was laughing loudly, surrounded by five other members of the team.

“I suppose,” Hinata chuckled. “But thank you for letting us intrude on your practice like this. Hope we weren’t too much of a hassle,”

“Oh, not at all, please come by anytime and we can work on that partnership you were telling me about,” Hinata smiled. His upper body was aching, and he was sure his arms would be riddled with bruises tomorrow morning, but it had all been worth it.

Bokuto and Hinata left with the promise they’d return soon, even proposing they bring more MSBY players next time if invited. They ended up at a nearby bar afterwards, for a couple drinks and a meal before they each returned home.

He and Bokuto were both sweaty and honestly maybe a little gross, Hinata thought, but it was the awkward period in the day where lunch had ended but dinner hadn’t begun so the bar held only a handful of customers. Hinata really couldn’t bring himself to care about his appearance and Bokuto couldn’t agree more.

Hinata was one beer in, feeling warm and content, picking at his rice when Bokuto stopped their conversation abruptly to take a phone call. The second Bokuto’s grin grew from ear to ear, Hinata knew exactly who was calling him.

 _Akaashi_. Seconds later, his guess was confirmed.

“Hey love. Mhmm... Yea yea... how was work?... ok... perfect, I’ll be home in like an hour... sure, if you want to or we could just get takeout... ok.... yea! I will... see you soon... I love you too Keiji,” Bokuto pocketed his phone quickly. 

“Sorry Sho-kun, didn’t mean to cut you off,” Bokuto frowned as if he has just smelled something sour, staring Hinata down with wide eyes as if to promise he now held his full, undivided attention.

“That’s ok, I don’t mind at all,” Hinata gave his mentor and friend a wide smile.

Over the years, Akaashi had grown from a stranger into his friend and Hinata really enjoyed his company. Akaashi tended to be the voice of reason in their group but he also had a secret, fun side. Some of the craziest stunts the gang had ever pulled were due to Akaashi. He was fun, kind, but ever thoughtful, able to pick up even the slightest changes in his friends’ behavior. Hinata loved Bokuto but he also loved Akaashi. Most importantly though, he admired how in love the pair were, and he had caught himself on multiple occasions dreaming of how it must feel to be so in love with someone. Seeing Bokuto happy and knowing there was one person behind that happiness made Hianta’s heart swell.

“Bokuto-san?” He felt the sudden need to come clean to Bokuto, as if Bokuto could see right through him. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sho-kun, you can ask me a million questions, and I’d answer them all to the best of my ability,” Bokuto smiled his award-winning smile and Hinata melted. _Ok then, here goes nothing._

“Well, I was just wondering uhm...” Hinata could feel his ears grow hot and his heart begin to race. He thought maybe talking to Bokuto about love wasn’t the best idea, perhaps he was making a huge mistake, but then again, Bokuto-san always gave the best advice.

“Do you believe in soulmates?” Hinata’s voice was surprisingly quiet, and he wondered whether he could hear him over the buzz of the bartenders.

“Oh, young love,” Bokuto leaned back in his chair and clasped his hands together. “Yes, Sho-kun, I do believe in soulmates,” he smiled and gave Hinata a small wink. With it he erased all the tension that was beginning to fill Hinata’s body.

“How did you know Akaashi-san was the one for you?” Hinata asked, with confidence this time.

“Hmmm... there really is no simple answer to that,” Bokuto began. “I think Keiji is the one for me because he brings out the best in me. Every aspect of myself that I dislike, every mistake I make, everything that is wrong with me, when I’m with Keiji he makes those all seem impossible. He makes my flaws feel like blessings. He changed the way I view myself and the way I view other people, he changed the way I think and the way I love, and the way I perceive the world,” Hinata sat entranced, his beer and food forgotten, as he latched onto every single word that came out of Bokuto’s mouth.

“But there wasn’t one specific thing about him or one specific moment that made me realize he was my soulmate... I just... well, I just sort of knew. I had this feeling I couldn’t put my finger on, and I just knew. Keiji was the one for me. I’d move heaven and earth for him. I’d bring him down a star if he asked for it. I’d die for him,” Bokuto shrugged his shoulders, and spoke so nonchalantly about soulmates and death that Hinata couldn’t help but gape at him.

“Bokuto-san, I didn’t know you were so poetic,” he picked his jaw up off the floor and continued picking at his rice that was growing cold. He was satisfied with Bokuto’s response but had gotten cold feet about confessing what was eating him up inside. There was no reason to bother him with his hopeless adventures of love... he didn’t see why he should drag Bokuto into the mess that was his love life.

“Sho-kun?” Hinata looked up startled, not realizing he had been lost in a trance for a few seconds as he stared at his food. “Why do you ask?”

“About?”

“About love, you idiot,” Bokuto threw his head back and laughed.

“Oh well... it’s nothing, really,” Bokuto raised an eyebrow, suspicion rising inside him.

“You’ve been a little off since you came back from your sister’s birthday party... did something happen?” Hinata remained silent, as the wheels began to turn in Bokuto’s head.

“Wait a second.... you were home for the weekend and Kageyama-kun lives back home now and you bring up love now seemingly out of the blue and you’ve been acting a little strange, kind of like your head is in the clouds and your mind is always on something else...” Hinata watched him connect the dots out loud and sighed, burying his head in his hands.

“Aha! You told Kageyama-kun you love him!?” Bokuto screeched, eyes going wide, almost ready to pop out of his skull.

“Wait! No! I didn’t!” Hinata waved his hands in front of Bokuto’s face, trying to get him to quiet down and hoping they weren’t making a scene.

“You know I’m _kiiiinnnnnd_ of dumb with social cues,” Bokuto emphasized the word kind and cocked his head to the right. “But man... you’re so easy to read, you’re like an open book,” Hinata groaned. It was true; anyone who knew him well enough could read him without even trying.

Bokuto stood up from his chair and raised his hands above his head to stretch before plopping down in the seat next to Hinata. Hinata stared at him, not saying a word as Bokuto scrutinized the expression on his face.

“You know you can tell me anything, right Sho-kun?” His voice was quiet now and his eyes were inviting. Hinata sighed as he slumped over the table, crossing his arms on the counter and resting his left cheek down on them, staring up at Bokuto’s eyes.

“Tobio and I kissed the other day,” he whispered. Bokuto’s eyes grew as wide as saucers again and his eyebrows almost jumped off his forehead. He quickly looked around, over both shoulders as Hinata squinted at him, unsure of what he was looking for. Once Bokuto was satisfied, he slumped over in the same position Hinata sat in, but with his right cheek on his arms so they were face to face.

“Ok, tell me more,” Bokuto whispered and Hinata couldn’t help but giggle, feeling like school kids recounting stories of their crushes to each other. Leave it to Bokuto to bring him up when he was feeling so down.

“Well… I ran into him at the grocery store and invited him to Natsu’s party,” Bokuto nodded his head although his positioning on the table made it awkward.

“He kept apologizing to me as if he had done something wrong when the only thing he’s guilty of is not replying to a few texts and calls for a couple months,” Hinata frowned, realizing he was about to spill everything to Bokuto.

“Even though it should have been me apologizing, you know? For like fucking him up and emotionally terrorizing him but now that I think of it, I haven’t apologized for that… but anyways, you should have seen him Bokuto-san. He was like radiating confidence and poise, as if nothing had changed…” he sighed again as Bokuto eyed him with an empathetic expression on his face, his eyes narrowed, and his mouth closed.

“He came over to my house and we laughed and talked as if no time had passed. Everything flowed so well, our conversation, our movements, our emotions were so in line. It’s like we were one,” Bokuto nodded his head again, making sure to make Hinata feel like every word he said would be digested with so much love and care that he could pour out his heart and receive the world in return.

“We spent like an hour in my room after Natsu’s party ended just talking and I told him I didn’t want to leave. Me, Bokuto-san! Me, I didn’t want to come back here and play volleyball because I wanted to stay with him. Me, I didn’t want to play volleyball if it meant I could be in his company just a little longer,” Bokuto watched him intently as he continued.

“But then he opened up to me with words that sounded like he had never spoken them to anyone else. He recounted all these things about his injury, and how he feels, and how the last few months went by. He kept talking about anxiety, and death, and not knowing who he was anymore, and _growth_ , and _guilt_ , and finally _acceptance,_ ”

“I didn’t know what to do. How was I ever supposed to say anything that conveyed exactly how I was feeling? Because I felt so much trust in that moment, I felt as if Tobio had willingly let me enter into the darkest, deepest corners of his brain and I felt so…” Hinata paused, eyebrows scrunched in deep thought as he racked his brain for the correct word.

“Naked. I felt naked, as if I was seeing him finally for the first time and he was seeing me. And then he kissed me,” Bokuto gasped quietly before growing silent again. When he finally realized that Hinata was done talking, he spoke.

“Now how did the kiss make you feel?” Hinata frowned slightly, his eyes falling.

“It was a really good kiss…”

“Then why do you look so sad?”

“Because we both agreed it didn’t mean anything…”

“Ahhhhhh I see…” Bokuto’s brows furrowed in deep thought. “But, did you really mean it? Did it actually mean nothing to you? Or did you just say that to make yourself feel better?” _Ouch. Now that one hurt._

“Ok Sho-kun, let’s pretend we could rewind time. If we could, what would you have said to Kageyama-kun after he kissed you?” Hinata finally lifted his head off the table as Bokuto mirrored his actions and did the same. Tapping his fingers on the table, Hinata sighed.

“I think I would have asked if I could kiss him again. I would have told him how much I missed him. I would have let him know how much he feels like home to me,”

Bokuto smiled before leaning over to grab him in a hug.

“I think somoneeeee is in loveeeeee,” he cried in a singsong voice, holding Hinata tight. Hinata playfully pushed him away with a small laugh escaping his lips, but Bokuto wouldn’t let him go.

So maybe he was in love.

But what was he going to do about it?

* * *

Kageyama woke up in a cold sweat, his heart racing, and pain shooting up his legs and through his upper body. Although his legs were unable to feel touch, pressure, or sensation, he was still very able to feel pain. Sometimes the pain would originate in his legs or otherwise just end up settling there, causing him to feel things that he thought weren’t even possible. Sometimes the pain was even enough to make him double over and have to pause for several minutes. The doctors had said it was due to nerve damage, broken synapses that could no longer connect, firing at random and receiving no response in return.

Kageyama stared up at the ceiling, hoping his body would calm itself sooner rather than later. He’d been woken up by one of his recurring dreams that always twisted itself into a nightmare. The dream would start in a number of different ways with one end result that never changed. In the end, he’d be on a volleyball court, feeling right at home while his sets all came off his fingertips perfectly. And the more balls he set, the more precise they became. He was on fucking fire. Sets that could be deemed prodigy worthy. Level 1000. The filthiest sets that Kageyama had ever produced.

But suddenly, like a rug being pulled out from under him, the gym would disappear, and he’d be sitting in the driver’s seat of his car again. He’d swerve, the car would flip, and all Kageyama could see was black. The worse part was that no matter how many times the car flipped; it would never stop until he woke up in a panic. It’d been a recurring nightmare for a couple months now and no matter how many times his therapist and him spoke about it, it always returned.

Trauma was a funny thing that way because one second you don’t think it’s there anymore or you foolishly believe it has left you and then out of nowhere,

_it returns,_

_as if it never left._

Kageyama brought his palms up to his eyes and rubbed at them as the pain in his body finally began to subside. He twisted his torso to the right to catch the time on his bedside clock. **3:47 AM** shined back at him through the darkness. It’d be no use just lying in bed waiting to fall asleep again. He’d definitely grow restless staring at the ceiling, with his heart racing and the feeling that he was still stuck in his car. It’d be better to get out of bed…

Kageyama silently pushed his torso forward into a sitting position and switched on his bedside lamp. Keeping his arms steady, he slid his bottom and legs from the bed into his wheelchair, which always sat right next to him while in bed. He was still sleepy, so his movements were sluggish, but he rolled over to his desk where he sat twiddling with his thumbs. His mind was still racing from the nightmare which probably wouldn’t make for great reading conditions. Scrolling through his laptop or phone would also have the opposite effect of what he was looking for and keep him awake. Perhaps he could just sit here and wait to doze off.

The only light in the room came from his bedside lamp behind him, but even in the semi-darkness, Hinata’s bright orange hair caught his eye. Kageyama had covered up the old photos, movie stubs, and post-its he kept pinned on the bulletin board over his desk with schedules, training regimes, and physical therapy reminders. There was a photo that hadn’t been fully covered and for some reason, it hadn’t caught his eye until now. He pushed back papers to reveal an old photo of Hinata, beaming like the sun. It was one of the last photos of him in their Karasuno jerseys. Hinata held a volleyball in one arm and was raising a thumbs up to the camera with his other hand. It was a photo that had never failed to make Kageyama smile.

Hinata Shouyou was something else. No matter how hard he tried to push Hinata out of his mind (and try he did), he would always return, with so much force. Kageyama would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought of Hinata every second since their last meeting. Their kiss had left him desperate and wanting more, euphoric and in love. But at the same time, it had left him miserable. Kageyama continued to tell himself that their lives could no longer be the way they were before Hinata moved to Brazil, before they broke up, and before his accident: carefree, simple, two idiotic fools in love. Things could never be the way they were because things were so different now. Kageyama was different. His body was different but even if it wasn’t, this just wouldn’t work out. Hinata had his old life and Kageyama had his new life. That was the end of that.

But as much as Kageyama tried to make himself believe they were no longer possible; his heart would remind him with a small tug that maybe just maybe... they were.

Kageyama turned around to grab his phone off his bedside table. He’d been lost in his thoughts for quite some time. His clock now read 4:05 AM. What Kageyama needed now more than anything was someone to talk to, someone who would lend a listening ear, and someone who wouldn’t judge. Kageyama paused for a second staring at his phone, wondering if he was making a mistake, before calling the one person he knew might still be awake at this hour.

It took three rings for Hinata to answer the phone.

“Tobio?” Hinata’s voice was not sleepy but alert and wide awake. “Are you hurt?” Hinata seemed to be holding his breath as if an affirmative was all he needed to send him on a reckless 5-hour drive from Tokyo to Miyagi.

“I’m ok Shouyou, I just can’t sleep,” Hinata gave a sigh of relief in return, exhaling all the panic from his body in a single breath.

“Well that makes two of us,” Hinata groaned and Kageyama could hear his frustration through the phone, clear as day.

“Is everything alright?” Kageyama asked and Hinata paused for a couple seconds before giving his reply.

“Everything’s fine, I’m just the way I’ve always been. I have too much pent-up energy inside of me that I don’t use during the day and then BAM! insomnia strikes again!”

“I’m sorry about that Shouyou…”

“Nothing you can do about it, so no use crying over spilled milk, right? But why are _you_ up this late?” 

“I was having a nightmare but well that’s… nothing new. What actually woke me up was this awful nerve pain I get sometimes. I can’t really predict when it’ll happen, but when it does it always hurts like hell,”

“AHA!” Hinata exclaimed before continuing. “So, you were hurt! How are you feeling though? Something must have happened that caused you to call me, right?” Kageyama wasn’t sure how to respond to that inquiry because he honestly didn't know the answer. Why had he called Hinata? Was it only because he thought of him when he saw his picture on the wall? Kageyama had known Hinata was the one person who might not be asleep at 4 in the morning, but did he really have something specific to say to him? Before Kageyama could respond, Hinata gave him another question.

“Was it the nightmare?” It was a soft question, full of concern and curiosity. Kageyama couldn’t bring himself to lie to Hinata and there was no use when Hinata could see right through his lies.

“Yes...”

“Do you want to talk about it? We can walk through it together if you want,” Kageyama realized that deep down, he had always known Hinata would act this way. They hadn’t spoken or texted since Natsu’s birthday party a week ago. But Kageyama knew Hinata was always willing to be there, his selflessness always evident in everything he did. Four months apart and Hinata hadn’t changed one bit, and that fact made Kageyama’s heart ache for him even more.

“Well… my nightmare always starts as a dream where I’m playing volleyball and my sets are so perfect, I’m ecstatic. I’m always subconsciously aware that I’m actually paralyzed which makes being able to run and jump that much better. It’s such a good dream, Shouyou… such a good dream.

“But suddenly I’ll blink and I’m in my car on the night of the crash. The car will start flipping after I swerve and the only way I can end it is by waking up. The thing is, I usually can’t wake up right away so I’ll just sit there, staring into the dark, flipping and flipping and flipping and flipping… and waiting for death,” Kageyama stopped talking and the line went so silent he couldn’t even hear Hinata breathing.

“Fuck Shouyou I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to drop this on you just like that,” he mumbled after a few seconds, wishing more than anything that he hadn’t scared him away.

“No, no, no it’s ok… thank you for walking me through that. Obviously, this was a very traumatic experience and I’m so sorry you’re being forced to relive it over and over again when you go to sleep. I wish there was something I could do to make its stop,”

“My therapist and I talk about this all the time, so don’t worry. Hopefully, we’ll figure something out soon,”

“That makes me feel better, but seriously Tobio… if this happens again and you can’t sleep, call me. It’s more likely than not that I’ll be up. Honestly, maybe all you need is someone to be there in the moment after this nightmare yanks you out of sleep. Someone to talk to and like just… unpack? I can try my best to be that person if you’d like,” Kageyama felt tears in his eyes but he wiped them away quickly with his hand. He knew he didn’t deserve Hinata Shouyou, but that was a fact he had always known, there was no reason to get worked up about it now. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything other than “thank you,” in fear that he’d start crying over the phone.

“You’re still one of my closest friends Tobio. A few months of us not talking isn’t going to change that. I’m here for you forever and always,” He felt a wave of guilt wash over him even though Hinata had not intended any harm with his words. It was all Kageyama’s fault that they had gone months without speaking. Even though those few months had been the hardest of his life, he had still forcefully pushed Hinata away and the pain that had come along with that still hurt. The call was quiet for almost a whole minute before Hinata spoke again.

“I miss you, Tobio,”

Kageyama wished more than anything to rewind time. He wish he could have leaned on Hinata when he needed him the most rather than push him away. Who knew where they would be now if he had kept him close to him and his heart.

“I miss you too, Shouyou,”

“How much do you miss me? A ton?”

“Oh yea, definitely a ton.” Hinata laughed and Kageyama swore it was the most beautiful sound in the world.

“Well, Shouyou, guess what,”

“What?”

“I’ll be at your game in two weeks,”

“No way!” Kageyama could hear how Hinata’s voice had suddenly perked up, any drowsiness that had begun to set in, vanishing as quickly as it had appeared 

“Coach invited me to come watch the final game on the bench with the team. It’s probably about time I said goodbye properly. Not only to the guys, but to the team as a whole, to the fans… and to the sport I love,” Kageyama heard Hinata’s breath hitch for a second before he replied.

“Of course, Tobio. It makes sense you’d want to say goodbye… even though you’re not going anywhere. You’re still around and you’re going to be a living legend now honestly, maybe they’ll even retire your number!”

“Ok, I didn’t do that much for the Adlers let’s be real,” Kageyama replied softly, his heartstrings aching again. Why did Hinata always have to go and do the same thing to him over and over again? He made him feel like a teenager hopelessly in love, always saying the thing he needed to hear the most, with all the love and care that existed in the world. Hinata just had that way about him. Why would anyone need anything else in the world if they had Hinata Shouyou?

"Personally, I think the Schweiden Adlers owe you as much as you owe them. You were the brightest setter the team had ever seen!” Kageyama was blushing furiously, heat spreading throughout his body. “I’m very excited to see you though. Things won’t be awkward right… after… last time?” Kageyama paused, wondering. He hadn’t thought Hinata would bring up their last encounter (and the implied kiss) in a million years. He thought they’d both mutually decided to never speak of it again.

“Nope, no awkwardness on my end,”

“Ok, same. But Tobio, I can’t promise I’ll go easy on your old team. I’m going to make it worth your while, I promise. Ushijima-san, Hoshiumi-san, and Romero-san are all going DOWN,” Kageyama laughed. He could practically see Hinata’s wicked smile, the one he always had on his face when his face scrunched up with determination at a challenge that lay ahead. If he was being honest, it was one of Kageyama’s favorite things about him.

“Thank you, Shouyou, I wouldn’t have it any other way,” he replied, earning a hearty laugh in return.

The pair had only been talking for a couple minutes, but Kageyama already felt worlds better than he had at the beginning of their phone call. Hinata was a ray of light that could counter even the sun, with the ability to bring happiness everywhere he went.

And Kageyama had been such a fool to forget that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello folks! :) first some side notes!!! “table” in spots means like standings, like "a team's position in the table" would mean the same thing as "a team's position in the standings" and also if you know who Ohtani/Maeda are, then you and I would be best friends.
> 
> but anyways, just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has read, kudo'd, commented so far!!!! seriously, you all make my day. like originally I wrote this for me right because I had a wild idea and wanted to see how it'd turn out, but getting kudos and comments from wonderful strangers just makes it so much better and so worth it. thank you, thank you, thank you


	9. I just wanted you to know that this is me trying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello folks!! today I offer u a tad of tsukkiyama for the soul but the heart of this chapter is the kags/yamaguchi and the tsukkikage scenes. oh and ofc, Yachi being done with Hinata’s BS because a girl can only take so much of her best friend’s hopeless romantic shenanigans. 
> 
> Also, I just had to give Yachi a girlfriend because if you’ve read the manga I think you’d agree with me that Yachi likes girls.
> 
> That’s it. That’s the [tweet.](https://ibb.co/NrKn0DL)

On an evening in early June, a couple days before Kageyama's five-month anniversary since his accident, Miwa moved back into her apartment in the city. She wasn’t too keen on moving back but when she was reassured by her brother countless times that he’d be ok without her, and reminded her she'd only be an hour away, she decided it was finally time. There were things that still took longer than necessary and probably would until he had built up more stamina; but for now, Kageyama could do everything he needed for his self-care on his own.

The day Miwa moved out, she cried. Car packed with clothes and belongings she had brought from her apartment to use during the five most disquieting months of her life, she first said goodbye to her parents at the porch. She obviously wasn’t going to disappear forever but after becoming so integrated in the family life at home again (under circumstances none of them would have ever imagined), it was difficult to say goodbye. She promised her parents she’d visit frequently and she wouldn’t ever hesitate to come home. Kageyama followed her down the driveway, where they took in each other’s company as she lazily leaned against the door of her car.

“Life’s a crazy thing isn’t it Tobio?” she muttered. Kageyama, ever analytical and knowledgeable about his loved one’s tells, noticed right away that she was trying her best not to cry.

“I guess if you had told me five months ago that at 32 years old, I would have to move back into my parents’ home to take care of my little brother, who almost d-died,” her voice cracked; her stony facade was beginning to crack.

“I would have said you were crazy,” she whispered with a large frown written all over her face. Kageyama looked over his shoulder to make sure his parents were still on the porch although it seemed like his mother was trying to hold his father back from running over. _Thanks mom_. _They needed this little moment of privacy._

Kageyama patted his unmoving thighs before opening his arms for a hug. Miwa sat down on his lap, her legs parallel with his as Kageyama wrapped his arms around her thin frame. He held her as she cried silently, no sounds escaping her, but tears falling down her cheeks as his chest grew increasingly wet. Miwa hadn’t cried in front of him for a while now, not since he pulled himself out of the hellish nightmare that had been his life for weeks following the accident.

“You know, I don’t think I could have done this without you,” she snorted into his chest, refusing to bring her face up, as she cocooned deeper into his body.

“That’s a lie, Tobio and you know it. Because you pulled yourself up by your bootstraps. Looked into the face of your own demons and told them to fuck off,” she finally leaned back to look him in the eye, with a sly, teary eyed smile as if daring him to disagree.

“Whatever you say,” he murmured, but his chest felt light with love. He knew she was slightly exaggerating; he definitely would have fallen back into a dark place had it not been for Miwa never leaving his side.

“I’m going to miss you so much,” she sighed, dramatically pulling him into one final hug.

“I’m going to miss you too, what am I ever going to do without you?”

“That’s what I keep asking myself, but if you need literally anything, ever, at any time in the day or night, you call me. I don’t care if it’s 4 am or 2 pm or midnight, if you need something, call me, ok?” she stared at him intently as he nodded his head.

“Promise me?” she whispered quietly.  
  
“Promise,” his voice was firm and unwavering. He kissed the top of her head before she lifted herself off his legs, waved one final time at their parents, hopped into her car, and drove away.

* * *

Without Miwa around, the days that followed felt a little off. The house was quiet, his mom would drive him around when he needed to get somewhere, and at times Kageyama didn’t know what to do. If the need ever arose, Miwa was the one who would always help him around the house. Of course, his parents knew exactly what to do when needed; they had helped him with his catheter, dressing, and bathing more times than Kageyama would have liked. But he’d always much rather have his sister help him than his parents. When Miwa helped him with things, he felt more independent than when his parents did. And independence was something he strove for constantly now.

He had never realized how important being independent was to him. From the moment he graduated from high school, he was living on his own. He was recruited for the Schweiden Adlers straight out of high school and began playing professionally for the Japanese National Volleyball Team not much longer after that. At the ripe age of 18, he was forced to move into an apartment alone in Tokyo to fend for himself. 

But during the months following the accident, he lost the independence he had taken for granted. Kageyama had to rely on his parents and sister for almost everything because his body was a new vessel that he was unaccustomed to, with new rules and regulations he couldn’t ignore. His body was on a schedule now that he couldn’t sway from. Medicine in the morning to prevent spasms and keep his bladder relaxed, followed by daily stretches. A shower routine that now took three times as long as it once had because it incorporated new things like having to empty his bowels. Routine was the key to his new life which meant he couldn’t just take off without meticulous preparation.

Kageyama used to live day by day with the luxury of being spontaneous if he wanted to be. It was now evident that he no longer had that privilege. Granted, spontaneous had never been a word he'd use to describe himself as he preferred to methodically calculate his decisions rather than doing things on the fly. But now, he couldn’t be spontaneous even if he wanted to be. He hadn’t realized just how many variables would be involved when planning his trip to Tokyo for the MSBY Black Jackals vs Schweiden Adlers game. For starters, how would he get there? He could take the bullet train (by himself?) or he could get a ride. Who would drive him? He couldn’t exactly drive himself and his parents wouldn’t be able to take a whole day off work. Miwa probably couldn’t either. Would he stay the whole day in Tokyo? Were their activities after the game such as reunions with his team he’d want to attend? If so, how’d he get from place to place? The last thing he wanted to do was ask a teammate to chauffeur him all day. But if he spent the whole day there, maybe it’d be better if he spent the night and returned home in the morning. If he spent the night, he’d have to properly pack everything for his night and morning routine, and he didn’t even know where to begin. And then again, if he stayed the night, who would he stay with? Hoshiumi (maybe)? Ushijima (big no)? His captain, Hirugami (perhaps)?

And as if the answer had been obvious from the start, Hinata's face popped into his head. Even with all the missing variables and moving parts that would consist of a two-day trip to Tokyo, he realized he’d try anything to be able to go home with Hinata that night.

When he brought up staying in Tokyo after the game with his family, they thought the idea was wonderful. His mom couldn’t be happier to see him stepping out of the new comfort zone he had established and Miwa was beaming when he told her over FaceTime. And when it came down to the second most crucial step (figuring out how he’d get there and back), he didn’t have to look very far.

* * *

A few days later, he sat in the backyard with a yoga mat lying on the floor, relishing the few days of spring that were still left before summer came and stole them away. He’d been just about ready to transfer from his chair to the yoga mat, in order to do some stretches outside while soaking up the sun when Yamaguchi arrived. He came through the sliding door at the back of the house, a bubble tea in each hand, wearing khaki pants, a navy dress shirt, and a striped tie which could only mean he had come here straight from work. Taken aback, he watched as Yamaguchi gave him a small wave before approaching.

“Hey, your mom let me in, want one of these?” he raised a hand that clutched the cup of tea and Kageyama chuckled.

“Sure, thanks,” he replied, taking the bubble tea that Yamaguchi handed him. Yamaguchi settled into a cross-legged position on the floor in front of him, looking up at him. He set his tea to the side and tugged at his tie to pull it off his neck before throwing it aside.

“I was craving a bubble tea from Ding Tea, so I went straight after work. Then I realized how close I was to your house and decided to stop by to say hi,” Kageyama smiled at him, taking a sip from his tea.

“Yoga?” Yamaguchi motioned with his head at the mat before picking his cup back up.

“I was about to stretch actually. Do you mind if I stretch while we talk?”

“Please Kageyama, proceed. Do your thing, it’s your backyard,” Yamaguchi chuckled, jumping to his feet to give him room. He stood attentive, watching him prepare himself before he asked, “do you need a hand?”

“Would you hold this?” He held his tea out and Yamaguchi took it. “Don’t worry about me though. Getting down is so much easier than getting back up,” he laughed before putting the brakes of his wheelchair in place. “That’s true both literally and metaphorically,” he muttered to himself quietly as Yamaguchi nodded his head in agreement. Kageyama then gripped the edge of his chair with his left hand and stretched his right hand out in a fist towards the floor before leaning all the way over. Letting gravity do its thing, he slowly slid off his chair onto the yoga mat, his legs following the momentum of his upper body. Once on the floor, he picked up each leg with his hands and pushed them out straight in front of him.

“Ta-da,” he muttered while shrugging his shoulders, a teensy bit of sarcasm hanging at the tip of his tongue (he hoped Yamaguchi wouldn’t be able to catch it [unfortunately, he did]). 

“Don’t be sarcastic, that was cool, and I don’t care what you say about it,” Yamaguchi sat back down on the floor, mimicking Kageyama’s position right next to the yoga mat. Kageyama slowly leaned his back onto the mat while gripping his right knee, and once fully on the floor on his back, he pulled his right knee tight into his chest. His face was twisted in concentration, with his eyes firmly shut because although he couldn’t feel the actual stretch, he knew it was working. Yamaguchi tried his best to copy his movements, but his work pants were too tight to stretch in, so he gave up and resumed his cross-legged position. 

“So how are you doing? Are you still working at Karasuno? I should come by one of these days and watch a practice when the girls' team scrimmages the boys' team. Hinata’s always telling me about Natsu and how well she’s doing, have you been able to watch her play?” Almost unconsciously, Kageyama’s eyes flew open at the mention of Hinata’s name. Luckily, Yamaguchi didn't seem to notice.

“It’s going well, right now we're preparing for the upcoming summer training camp. The kids are great and Natsu is an absolute beast,” he chuckled as he thought about her; she definitely hadn’t been pulling his leg when she said her serves were “killer.” In a few years, she would probably be better than he had ever been or Hinata ever would be. Yamaguchi laid back on the floor, so they were both staring at the sky as Kageyama finally let go of his knee and let his leg fall limply back down to rest on the mat. He pushed his torso up in order to lean down and grab his left knee this time, repeating the same motion as before.

“I'll definitely have to come by. I'd love to catch up with Ukai-san and Takeda-sensei! Also, I know I said we’d hang out more, but work has been killer lately. We’re super shorthanded right now, and we recently changed management, our image, our brand, everything. It's been hellish, I’m so sorry Kags,” Yamaguchi continued to stare at the sky while Kageyama stretched his legs.

“Don’t worry about it, I understand. Thanks for the bubble tea though, I think I can forgive you now,” he nudged him playfully with the side of his head causing Yamaguchi to cackle.

“I’m glad to hear you’re doing well. Tsukki sends his regards as well, have you been watching the league lately? His team is doing so well,” Yamaguchi mumbled, shaking his head up and down.

“I haven’t no, sorry,”

“Oh, that’s alright,” Yamaguchi sat up a little to take a sip from his bubble tea and as if a lightbulb had been illuminated above his head, he turned violently towards Kageyama whose shoulders slightly jumped up in response.  
  
“Oh, my goodness, wait I’ve been so backed up at work that I totally forgot to ask but please come to Tokyo next weekend with Tsukki and I. Hinata told me you were coming for the final game. If you already have a ride, no worries but if you don't, you’re so more than welcome to come with us,” he took a sip from his bubble tea again, staring sheepishly at the straw as if slightly embarrassed by his outburst but Kageyama was so pleasantly surprised, all he wanted to do was give Yamaguchi a hug. He pushed his left knee away from his body this time, letting his leg fall back down, and wiggled his upper body up to a sitting position. He leaned over to tumble on Yamaguchi in a hug, who giggled as Kageyama’s full upper body weight fell on top of him.

“Guess that’s a yes?” Yamaguchi’s arms fell at his side like a sea star, and he chuckled with Kageyama’s chin resting on his chest.

“Yup,” he smiled at him. 

“Oh, and we’re sleeping over at Yachi and Maki’s after so pack your things because you’re in for a wild night, Kags,” When Kageyama didn’t say a word in response, Yamaguchi became silent as things began to click into place in his brain.

“Wait… well, unless you already had other plans…” his voice trailed off, and for a few seconds they just stared into each other’s eyes. From the mischievous gleam he held in his eyes, Kageyama knew exactly what Yamaguchi was thinking. And there was no way to deter him from thinking otherwise because Kageyama was thinking the exact same thing.

* * *

The devil might work hard but Yachi Hitoka and Yamaguchi Tadashi work harder.

Yachi had been the single causality of Hinata’s dire pleas for romantic help about Kageyama. She’d been the third and final person he confided in about their kiss at his sister’s birthday party. Yachi swore if she had to hear him whine one more time about how good the kiss felt and how he desperately wanted to kiss him again, she would have his head.

Yamaguchi was a smart man and realizing that Kageyama was already thinking of staying the night in Tokyo following the game was only so easy to figure out. Working out that the person he wanted to stay with was Hinata had been the next piece of the puzzle, and Kageyama’s furious blush had only confirmed his suspicion. 

“Yachi, what are we going to do about them? The game is in three days and Kageyama still wants to crash at your place with us,” Yamaguchi frowned at his computer screen, where Yachi frowned back at him. He was sprawled over Tsukishima’s bed as he showered. Tsukishima had not been helpful in the slightest, offering only quips when it came down to _Operation: Kagehina._

“Well Hinata hasn’t done any better. He’s talking about a MSBY after-party, which he says we're invited to, but keeps bringing up the fact that you’re all sleeping over at our apartment and is dropping hints about how he’s just going to stop by to say hello. He’s trying to be coy about it, but I can see right through him,” Yamaguchi couldn’t help but chuckle as Yachi rolled her eyes. She was sitting at the kitchen counter as Maki, her girlfriend, moved around in the background preparing dinner.

“Should I tell Kags that our plans changed and Tsukki and I are staying at a hotel?”

“No, we shouldn’t lie to him. I’m just going to be blunt with Hinata and tell him to just ask him already before Kageyama is forced to fifth wheel for us.” At that exact moment, Maki, walked into the frame. She wrapped her arms around Yachi’s back, leaning down to kiss her hair.

“Now we don’t want that, do we?” she drawled as Yamaguchi laughed at the camera.

Yachi snapped an adorable, gushy picture of Maki leaning down to kiss her cheek and sent it to Hinata straight away.

“It’s his move now,” she mumbled, setting her phone down as Maki returned to the stove. She hoped more than anything that her best friend would just grow a pair and do what he so obviously wanted to do.

* * *

Hinata was in the shower when he received Yachi’s text. When he finally checked his messages, the picture she sent made his stomach do flips at seeing his best friend so happy. The comment attached to it, however, made him want to throw his phone out the window.

**Time: 7:58 PM**

**From: Yacchan**

_**(Attachment)** _

_**Hinata! I’ve just realized how much of a fifth wheel Kageyama might be if he sleeps at my apartment on Saturday night. Can he come home with you instead? Maybe you can finally get that second kiss you’ve been going on for ages about!**_ 😉 _ **Please ask him!!! Love you <3**_

He groaned loudly. Guess subtlety wasn’t his strong suit when he talked about Kageyama. Hinata gulped before typing out his reply.

**Time: 8:25 PM**

**To: Yacchan**

**_Ok, ok, ok will u pls let me live Yacchan!!_ ** **🥺**

****

**Time: 8:27 PM**

**To: Yacchan**

**_How does this sound? “Hey Tobio, Yachi told me ur sleeping at her and Maki’s apartment after the game. Do u want to sleep at my place instead? It’ll be more fun than fifth wheeling for Yachi/Maki and Yams/Tsukki, who we both know can be so disgustingly cute. U can take my bed and I can take the couch!! Plus, my cat misses u :’( I'm sure she'd love to say hello!” (ps I'm going to send him a pic of Gata, I think he'll like it)_**

When Yachi received Hinata’s text, she chuckled to herself, quickly sending a screenshot to Yamaguchi. She sent Hinata a quick affirmative in response as she smiled to herself, feeling like a proud mother. Fifteen minutes later she received another text in return.

**Time: 8:43 PM**

**To: Yacchan**

**_He said yes!!_** 😌🤪

* * *

Kageyama would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy getting up early on Saturday morning for their five-hour road trip to Tokyo. As he silently pushed his body through the motions of his morning routine at 5:30 in the morning, rays of sunshine peeked through his bedroom window and he couldn’t help but reminisce on the days when if he wasn’t already awake at 5 in the morning, he’d be late for the start of his day. But things surely had changed since that period of his life and well… at least now he didn’t have to wake up at the crack of dawn every day.

Tsukishima and Yamaguchi arrived at his house at 7 in the morning as planned, and before heading out he said goodbye to his groggy, half-asleep parents with a promise that he’d keep them updated throughout the day. He wasn’t sure what he could expect for his first night away from his family since his accident, but he was sure it’d be an experience he wouldn’t want to forget.

As he pushed himself down the ramp towards the driveway, Yamaguchi rushed over to him with a bright smile planted on his face. He donned an MSBY jersey, with a big #21 written on the front, and Hinata’s name spelled out on the back.

“Good morning! Ready to head out?” Kageyama smiled back at him before chuckling and rolling up next to him.

“This is a surprise, last time I checked you weren’t a morning person,”

Kageyama laughed as Yamaguchi pointed to a sleepy Tsukishima, who was sitting in the driver’s seat with his forehead laying on the steering wheel. “Tsukki had me down like six cups of coffee this morning. Trust me Kageyama I feel like I could run a marathon,” Yamaguchi knocked on the passenger window, jolting Tsukishima out of his daze. He turned his head slowly towards them, with only a slight glare at his boyfriend who returned it with an eye roll. As he made his way over to their side of the car, Kageyama noticed that he was wearing Bokuto’s jersey, with a big #12 splayed across the front. Kageyama couldn’t help but smile because he was sure he had never seen Tsukishima wear any jersey but his own.

“Hey Kageyama, good to see you,” Tsukishima muttered with a loud yawn. He reached his hand out for a handshake and Kageyama took it. “Nice jersey by the way,” he eyed Kageyama's white with a slight sparkle in his eye. He looked down at his own #20 on his jersey before glancing back up at Tsukishima’s looming figure.

“Thanks,” Tsukishima couldn’t have known this, but he hadn’t worn his jersey since the last game he had played in before the accident. The jersey had sat hidden safely with all his volleyball possessions in his sister’s room for months following his plea with Miwa to throw out everything that connected him to volleyball. Thankfully, although it had been against his wishes at the time, his sister had kept everything safe-guarded for the day that Kageyama would ultimately change his mind and for that, he was so grateful.

“Can I take your backpack?” Yamaguchi asked and he nodded, slipping the backpack off the back of his chair before handing it over. Yamaguchi placed it onto the backseat, before he and Tsukki both pointed to the passenger seat.

“That seat’s yours,” Kageyama looked between them, shaking his head rapidly.

“Wait guys, I can take the back, really. I might need help getting in because of the angle but it’s ok,”

“Kags, seriously, you can take the passenger seat. There’s more room up there and you can move positions with more ease. Really, I don’t mind sitting in the back,” Yamaguchi leaned back against the back door, with his arms crossed across his chest as if to prove his point. Kageyama turned to Tsukishima who only nodded his head in agreement.

“Well,” he sighed, completely outvoted, but his head was filled with his friends’ empathy. “If you insist,” he chuckled, receiving a smirk of triumph from his friends in return.

He rolled up to Tsukishima’s passenger door and pulled the door open. After successfully moving his lower body onto the seat, and adjusting his legs in front of him, he turned back to his side and unclipped the wheels of his chair one by one. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi stood outside the door watching him and he looked up at them, after he folded his wheelchair together.

“Could I bother you guys to put this in the car for me?” he held a wheel out in each hand and Yamaguchi took them both, happily.

“Please, Kags, you don’t even have to ask,”

“He’s not wrong, you know,” Tsukishima added, picking up the wheelchair and walking to the trunk. With Kageyama's wheelchair safely stashed inside, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi hopped into the car after him. Yamaguchi took the aux cord, selecting a soft pop playlist to begin with and Ariana Grande’s melodious voice played through the sound system. Five hours of driving to go and the boys were starting off on a high note.

* * *

There was something about being in the stadium again, under circumstances Kageyama wouldn’t have ever dreamed of, flooded by the sounds of thousands of screaming fans and blinding lights that made Kageyama feel like a deer in headlights. The second he rolled out to the middle of the court in his wheelchair to greet the fans and “say a few words,” he immediately regretted agreeing to do this in the first place. He felt like he was on display for the whole world to see as people cheered his name and he graciously bowed out of the world that belonged to the Schweiden Adlers. It wasn’t that the fans had any sort of malicious intent; on the contrary, they all shouted their thanks in a chorus that rang through his ears for hours to come. But they were giving him a standing ovation as if he had just returned from walking on the moon or discovered the cure for tumors. And for some odd, backwards reason, the standing ovation from thousands of people he didn’t even know gave him the sudden feeling of whiplash followed by a need to vomit.

Once away from the center of the court, Kageyama waved at his teammates who were all buzzing for the start of the game, muttering something about having to use the bathroom, and trying to keep his composure before moving as fast as he could to the locker room. As he silently struggled to continue pushing his wheelchair without retching, he caught Hinata’s concerned eyes from the other side of the court. Kageyama quickly tore his eyes away from him to focus on getting to the bathroom. Hinata could wait because there was no way in hell he was about to throw up all over himself in front of thousands of people, because if he did, he’d have to go into hiding and never come back.

Kageyama pushed himself down the hallway as fast as he could and threw the door of the empty Adlers locker room open, making his way past lockers and benches as bile rose up his throat and tears gathered in his eyes. _Pathetic. I’m pathetic._ He thought, over and over and over again as he finally arrived at the bathrooms. He tore into a stall and leaned over the toilet bowl, almost falling out of his chair, as he tried to rid his stomach of whatever contents lay inside it. The tears stopped coming which he was thankful for, but he still felt dirty and impure. Gross and disgusting. Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic.

Why couldn’t he handle a couple thousand fans cheering him on when he had obviously done just that a million times before? Was it because this time they weren’t cheering him for his athletic abilities but instead cheering for his recovery journey? It must have been the standing ovation that made him feel like complete shit because in that moment the only thing Kageyama could think of was that they were cheering because he had overcome his injury. That singular thought had caused him to feel so out of place, with disgusting self-pity coursing through his body. He didn’t _want_ a standing ovation for being paralyzed and he didn’t _need_ a standing ovation for being paralyzed.

The ironic thing was that actually hadn’t been it and the realization of the truth hit him like a bag of bricks, nearly toppling him over. It wasn’t until he sat in the bathroom stall, breathing rapidly and taking in shallow breaths that he realized they hadn’t given him a standing ovation because of his injury; they had given him a standing ovation because he was retiring. Kageyama had technically already retired for about five months but today was his last time on the Schweiden Adlers stage, and the fans were treating him to a proper sendoff. It was a retirement standing ovation that every player received at their last game.

Sadly, instead of making him feel better about himself, that realization made him feel so much worse because although five months had passed since his accident, he hadn’t ever sat down to unpack the fact that he’d have to actually… retire forever. He buried his head in his hands, feeling himself shake with the onset of a panic attack as he willed his body to calm itself so he could join his team again on the bench. The panic attack could wait for another night when he was alone in his room, far away from everyone except his parents. No one needed to see him like this, and no one was allowed to see him like this.

He didn’t know how much time had passed when a knock on the bathroom stall door jolted him back to the present. Kageyama froze, feeling faint and light-headed, not daring to move a muscle or take a breath. There were countless other bathroom stalls in the locker room and this person would surely move onto the next one if he pretended not to be there.

A knock came a second time, this time accompanied by a monotonous voice calling his name. A monotonous voice that he knew so well because they had just spent five hours stuck in a car together. 

“Kageyama, I know you’re in there,” Tsukishima’s voice was characteristically calm and matter of fact. Kageyama couldn’t believe his ears. What the hell was he doing here? Now, of all times? When Kageyama didn’t respond, Tsukishima called for him again.

“No one else thought anything of it when you left the court… I guess everybody was too busy thanking you or what not… but the expression on your face when you left really freaked me out,” Kageyama had regained the feeling in his body as he slowly began to breathe again, listening to Tsukishima’s words although he still pretended he wasn’t there. Maybe Tsukishima would give up and leave?

“It looked like you’d seen a ghost. Are you ok?” Kageyama took a deep breath, hoping his voice wouldn’t shake in the same way his body was shaking.

“Tsukishima, you shouldn’t be in here, the locker room is for players only,” he muttered bitterly.

“Did you forget I play volleyball professionally too?” Tsukishima retorted. 

“Oh… yea… you do…”

“Come on out, yea? Or should I go get a doctor or something?” Tsukishima’s words didn't hold the same sarcastic undertone of always. The tone of his voice this time told a different story, one of genuine worry and apprehension. Despite that, he was really in no mood to have Tsukishima see him this vulnerable.

“Tsukishima, I’m alright, really. You can go, I’ll be fine,” Kageyama flushed the toilet before closing his eyes, silently pleading with him to just leave. Tsukishima remained silent and unmoving, however, causing Kageyama to groan loudly in response as he realized Tsukishima wasn't going anywhere.

“Sorry but I’m not leaving until I’ve made sure with my own two eyes that you’re ok. So, you better come out soon or Tadashi and Yachi are going to come look for me. They'll find us both and you and I both know they’ll be worried out of their minds for you,” Well then. If it had to come down to it, Kageyama would much rather only have Tsukishima see him in this state.

He fixed his positioning in his chair and straightened his posture, running hands through his hair, trying to make it look like he hadn’t just been spilling his guts out. He finally pulled the bathroom stall door open and rolled out, coming face to face with none other than Tsukishima Kei who now towered over him like some freaking, gigantic skyscraper. In all the time that Kageyama had known Tsukishima, he had never seen the expression that he now wore on his face. He had a slight smile with a soft look in his eyes, a look filled with pure concern and fondness, as if Kageyama was a missing toy and Tsukishima was the child who had finally found him hidden under his bed. It was an expression that he knew Tsukishima reserved for Yamaguchi and Yamaguchi alone. He was left speechless without a clue of what to say. Tsukishima was the one who finally broke the silence with a quiet, “hey,”

“Hi,” he nodded his head in return, sincerely hoping his eyes weren’t rimmed red and easy to read.

“Are you doing alright? Do you want to…” Tsukishima paused, as if carefully calculating what to say next, “talk about what just happened?”

Kageyama stared into Tsukishima’s golden eyes, still taken aback by his behavior.

“Sorry, but not really,”

“Well that’s alright,” he nodded his head, radiating calmness. “Does this happen often?”

“What?”

“It sounded like you were having a panic attack,”

“What do you mean, though? Because I’m paralyzed?” Tsukishima nodded his head sheepishly, cocking his head to the side and bringing his hand up to touch the back of his neck.

“Well, not necessarily,” Kageyama quipped, slightly annoyed. He made his way over to the sink to splash cold water on his face and rinse his mouth as Tsukishima stood behind him, staring him down.

“I’m sorry, I… well I mean… I didn’t mean it like that… I… I shouldn’t have asked it like that… I don’t even know what I’m trying to say,” Kageyama watched Tsukishima stumble through his words through the mirror, feeling only a slight pang in his heart as he stared at his embarrassed face. Not once in their 8 years so far of knowing each another, had Kageyama seen Tsukishima this flustered. He felt guilty for bringing Tsukishima to unravel like this, but he was also angry he’d insinuate such a thing… as if his mental state had been compromised just because of his paralysis. Fuck this. 

“I didn’t mean it like that, Kageyama,” Tsukishima mumbled softly, as if reading his thoughts, regret written all over his face. “I just… you know, like after the car crash. I can’t even begin to fathom how traumatic that must have been, so I guess what I meant to ask was if it’s still affecting you, after all this time? I'm no psychologist but something must have triggered it back there, right?”

Kageyama sighed but finally turned around to face him. He had hastily jumped to a conclusion that wasn’t true and he was now feeling apologetic. After all, no one else had run into the locker room to check up on him; only Tsukishima had been observant enough to realize something was wrong.

“It ok, don’t worry about it. Thanks for looking out for me,” he smiled up at him, having to tilt his neck all the way back to look him straight in the eyes. Kageyama earned a small smile in return before he pointed to the door as a cue it was time for them to return to the game.

“So, are you rooting for Shouyou’s team or my team?” Tsukishima fell in line with Kageyama as they made their way out of the locker room together.

“Kinda wish both teams would lose to be honest,” he insisted.

Kageyama snorted with laughter before replying. “Tsukishima, you haven’t changed one bit,”

They separated at the doors that led to the court with a “see you after the game!” as Kageyama slid through the doors, heading for the Schweiden bench and Tsukishima climbed up the stairs to the stands to rejoin Yamaguchi and Yachi.

The game was about to begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi folks! hope you've enjoyed. I've said it a million times and I probably can't say it enough but thank you for the kudos/comments on this piece of work. it warms me up inside.
> 
> I now have serious writers' block so I definitely had to pull teeth to crank this chapter out and at one point (specifically the text messages) I thought it was turning into like a crack fic or something... but well here it is ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ and if anything, I'd call it a success solely for the new lesbian Yachi Hitoka tag... 
> 
> anyways!! if you've read this far, thank you. 
> 
> sending u my best wishes <3


	10. I'll show you every version of yourself tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello folks, today I offer you the longest chapter I have written thus far. sincerest apologies for the delay...
> 
> also, someone tell me why I’m suddenly thinking of Bokuto and his himbo-ness and thinking of how he resembles Thor.. tell me why I want to write an Avengers AU where Bokuto is Thor…. no thoughts head empty...
> 
> also some memes for you  
> [YACHI LESBIAN  
>  ](https://ibb.co/ysYYPTC) [Bokuto's apartment=FREE real estate](https://ibb.co/tHMdPLD)  
> [ur telling me... my fic didn't write itself?](https://ibb.co/vBpc03d)
> 
> last thing: I read another fic where Kags calls Hianta "Shou" and I literally... wow that's my new favorite thing ever. so yes I have included that here :')

Pride was a feeling Hinata knew all too well.

But despite that, he’d much rather fall off the face of the Earth before he bragged about himself. All those days practicing alone in middle school, his ball boy arc during the first year of high school, moving to the other side of the world to improve after graduation. In the end, everything had been worth it because he had finally reached the point he had been dreaming of forever. 

But watching Kageyama bare his soul to thousands of fans before the start of the game filled him with a different type of pride. This was a pride that burned bright like a vicious fire inside of him, lashing out from all sides and threating to consume him. He was so unbelievably proud of Kageyama, for a million and one reasons that he couldn’t quite put into words even if he tried.

Because to start, he was proud of the strength he held to be able to face so many people at once, even after months of solitude. He watched him address the fans with love and care, even though he _had_ to be experiencing some form of culture shock right about now.

He was proud of the way he was able to set everything aside to be here with his old volleyball team, for perhaps the last time.

He was proud of how far he had come since his accident because his growth both physical and mental was undeniable. For the two weeks that followed their 4am phone call, Hinata waited expectantly for Kageyama to call with the need to unpack his nightmare again. But he didn’t call. Hinata waited, and he didn’t call. (They hadn’t talked about it but Hinata hoped that meant he was getting better).

But most of all, out of everything, he was proud of the way he held his head up high.

Pride was a feeling he felt so strongly as he watched Kageyama push himself away from the court. Hinata forced himself not to run over to him as he moved back towards the bench. There would be time after the game for joyful reunions. 

But as soon as they locked eyes, everything around Hinata came crashing down and he couldn’t think of anything but the look he saw in Kageyama’s eyes. Everyone had stopped clapping, but the fans were still cheering his name as their warm up drills resumed. No one on either side of the court seemed to have given Kageyama’s expression a second glance, but what Hinata saw in his eyes made his blood run cold as ice.

One thing he had always been great at was being able to read Kageyama and this time was no different. What he saw in Kageyama’s eyes was pure fear, as if he had stared into the eyes of his killer right before dying. He looked terrified and Hinata didn’t know why.

He watched helplessly as Kageyama tore his eyes away from him and began to push himself towards the open doors that led to the rest of the stadium, waving off his teammates hastily. Hinata cursed himself as he hopped up and down, his head snapping back and forth between Kageyama’s retreating back and the drills he was supposed to be participating in. He desperately fought the urge to drop everything and run after him, as music played in the background and his teammates ran around him. He stood at the edge of the court, almost frozen like a fish out of water, as he watched Kageyama roll away.

“Fuck!” he yelled to no one in particular. Thankfully, no one could hear him over the sounds of the screaming fans. It took him only a split second more to make a decision.

He was going to run after him to make sure he was ok. There were many things he regretted in life, but nothing caused him more regret than the way he had left Kageyama hanging after the news of his paralysis came out. He vowed he’d never do that again; pretend nothing was wrong, or worse; be too afraid to ask if something was wrong. He turned on his heels, preparing to sprint after Kageyama because warm up drills be damned but they really didn’t matter as much. Sadly, Coach Foster had other plans for him.

“Hinata-kun! Where are you going?” Ironically, his coach’s voice was perfectly clear over the loud music. He paused before he whipped around to face him. Coach Foster looked at him with a confused expression on his face. Hinata shrugged his shoulders, hoping his voice was nonchalant.

“Yes coach?” 

“I need you and Miya-kun to practice your quick sets one more time, ok? Sakusa-kun is going to get in on them as well,” Coach pointed at his two friends, who were warming up with each other as the rest of his team practiced on the other side of the court. Hinata felt his heart strings pull as he took a quick glance over his shoulder, trying to find Kageyama again. He searched as quickly as his eyes let him, but he had disappeared. He sighed in defeat, cursing his coach for ever having been born, before nodding at him curtly and running over to join his friends. Atsumu and Sakusa gave him questioning glances but they didn’t berate him. The fans continued to yell around them, as an upbeat pop song he didn’t recognize played over the speakers. He began to lose himself in the movements he knew so well, as he hit the most precise quick sets he had hit in a while. But all he truly wanted to do was make sure Kageyama was ok.

“Fuck Shouyou-kun, you’re on fire today,” Atsumu muttered, continuing to set for him, as Hinata ran through the motions. His mind was still on Kageyama but if Atsumu and Sakusa picked up on the fact that he wasn’t exactly thinking straight, they didn’t say a word about it. Hinata cursed under his breath again, his palm stinging from the force of hitting the volleyball with an unbelievable force.

“Hinata chill, the game hasn’t even started,” Sakusa yelled at him, after hitting one of Atsumu’s sets. Hinata nodded at him, before returning his attention to Atsumu. Atsumu stared at him, one eyebrow raised but he set the ball for him anyway. Hinata knew that was his way of saying _don’t worry, I got you, I’m here if you need anything._

Hinata figured that the more he warmed up, the better he’d play, the sooner the game would be over, and the sooner he could check in with Kageyama. That was the only thing that ran through his head as the referee blew his whistle and signaled for the start of the game.

* * *

The stadium was in an absolute uproar as the MSBY Black Jackals closed in on match point after four extremely exhausting sets. The Schweiden Adlers had desperately fought to defend a two set lead in vain as the Black Jackals came back from behind.

Hinata concentrated on the intersecting lines of the volleyball he held in his hand, as he visualized the type of serve he would hit in the upcoming seconds. He’d definitely been on edge and hadn’t let his guard down until Kageyama had finally returned to the bench. But once he had returned, looking a little shaken but calm, Hinata got down to business.

The sounds of the crowd had already died away and the stadium seemed to go eerily silent, almost as if it were empty. Everything around him went quiet except for the whistle of the referee and the yells of his team and it would take a great deal for something to cut through his laser-focused concentration. That’s why he was so startled to hear a shout from the Adlers bench break through the silence that filled his head _._ He stole a quick glance across the court to find Kageyama shouting at his teammates with his hands cupped around his mouth ( _ahhhh… well, that makes sense)._ Kageyama had that way about him, seeming to defy the laws of everything Hinata knew to be true.

Hinata could make out the black #20 on his white Schweiden Adlers jersey and he couldn’t help but reminisce over the last time he had seen Kageyama wear that jersey. Even though it couldn’t have been more than half a year ago, it felt like eons ago. He sighed, thinking that if he had known that day would be the last day they’d faced each other, he would have jumped a little higher, spiked a little harder, and screamed a little louder… held onto him a little longer.

The whistle of the referee brought his focus back from in the clouds. He had eight seconds before he had to let go of the ball. 

_One. Hinata thought he might be nervous, but in reality, he wasn’t. He felt like he could do this in his sleep. This was as easy as brushing his teeth._

_Two_ _. Hoshiumi was screaming his name, his eyes absolutely livid, as he crouched in his position to receive._

_Three. Ushijima was staring him down from the front row, boring holes into his skull with his eyes. Hinata thought it was funny how that stare used to make his knees wobble with anxiety. Not anymore._

_Four. Hinata caught Kageyama’s eye for a split second. He was watching him intensely, as if the world hung in the balance, his hands gripping his thighs, and a tiny smile spreading across his face. He wasn’t yelling but Hinata could tell from his expression that he was cheering him on. That might have been the only encouragement he needed._

_Five. Hinata gave himself a running start before throwing the ball up in the air._

_Six. He jumped up as high as he could, lights flashing in his eyes, screams filling his ears, heart beating a million miles per second, with exhausted arms that felt like they were about to fall off._

_S_ _even. His palm made contact with the soft leather of the ball and flew. It felt almost perfect._

Hinata ran into his position as his eyes followed the ball. He only had a split second to react before the ball came racing back at him. He took a half step forward and dove for the ball, surprisingly getting a clean dig.

“One touch!” He screamed at the top of his lungs, rushing to his feet. Atsumu set the ball to Bokuto who rushed forward, springing to his feet but Ushijima was right there to meet him.

“Deflected!” came Ushijima’s booming voice. The setter sent the ball right back at him and Ushijima’s rocket came flashing over the net, almost as if on fire. Hinata watched as their libero got a dig but it was anything but clean. Atsumu ran to get under the ball right in time.

“Yours Omi-kun!” He yelled, and Sakusa hit the ball against his blockers in order to get a clean rebound to fly off in an arc. 

It was now or never and every player on the court knew it. They were all way past the end of their stamina, any second more and they’d all collapse from exhaustion. Every Black Jackal on the court came rushing forward for a synchronized attack, leaving their libero, Inunaki, to defend the back alone. Bokuto rushed forward first as a decoy and Hinata could feel Atsumu’s energy radiating off his body; in a second he knew the ball was coming to him. Hinata jumped, Hoshiumi and Hirugami jumped and Ushijima’s long arms also scrambled to join the wall. The wall in front of him stared right back at him, just as it always had, but now Hinata could see his way through it.

 _One, two, three._ Atsumu’s set landed right where Hinata knew it would and Hinata swung. The force of his swing caused him to fall backwards and he scrambled to his feet, slipping from the momentum and almost falling on his face. But it made no difference; the ball sailed through the air and in the blink of an eye, it had ricocheted off the court floor. The game was over.

Hinata was certain he’d never grow tired of the overwhelming feeling he received from watching three players simultaneously dive for the ball and have them slam into the ground before they could reach it. He yelped in delight as his teammates yelled his name and rushed at him. Before he knew it Bokuto was lifting him onto his massive shoulders, chanting his name.

> **_“And in an unbelievable course of events that is giving us incredible dejavú from last season, Hinata Shoyo slams the ball home for match point. Can you believe Hinata made that same match winning move last season in his show stopping debut against the Adlers? He’s done it again. My oh my, the MSBY Black Jackals have done it again but this time they take home the championship!”_ **

The only thing Hinata could hear was his teammates’ cheers around him. His ears were ringing, and he couldn’t stop smiling. In that moment, he realized what true happiness felt like, because this was it, he was absolutely sure of it. This was pure euphoria and for as long as he lived, he never wanted to forget this feeling.

Bokuto finally dropped him to his feet so they could line up on the side of the court and thank their opponents. Hinata lined up right across Hoshiumi who gave him a smirk and rolled his eyes. Hinata laughed back at him. In the seconds after, amidst the raging cheers of the crowd, Hinata noticed that Kageyama had rolled over to join the Adlers. He was lined up next to the young setter who had replaced him on the roster and straight across from Atsumu. Before the teams separated to head to their respective side of the stadium to thank the crowd, Atsumu rushed over to shake his hand.

Hinata knew that lining up on the court with his old team meant the world to Kageyama. He could see it in his eyes. 

Each team turned towards their side of the stadium to thank their fans, and with a heart full of emotion and a head full of adrenaline, Hinata turned towards their own audience, spotting Yachi, Yamaguchi, and Tsukishima in an instant.

Yachi was jumping up and down in her seat waving at him, unable to contain her excitement. Yamaguchi was waving too, a big bright grin on his face and one arm around Tsukishima’s shoulders. Tsukishima was smiling only slightly, his eyes in a mixed expression of a ton of awe, a small amount of contempt, and a teeny bit of jealousy. 

Hinata smiled because in a world filled with uncertainty, some things just never changed and for that, he was eternally grateful.

* * *

The MSBY Black Jackal’s locker room was buzzing with players and their family members, as champagne bottles were passed around. Bokuto had somehow gotten a hold of the aux cord, promptly playing his BTS playlist. Akaashi seemed to be the only one watching him try to perform the choreography of “Dynamite,” and the attempt was quite a sight to behold. Hinata stood nearby, watching Bokuto’s flailing limbs and aimless choreography, and chuckling, not failing to notice the way Akaashi’s eyes lit up as if Bokuto was the only person in the room.

Hinata was running a towel through his freshly washed hair when he received a text message from Yachi, letting him know they had reunited with Kageyama and were waiting to meet up with him in the lobby. Hinata sent a quick text back as he hurried to stuff his volleyball equipment into his sports bag. He’d been dying to see his friends since before the game had even started.

He quickly scanned the room as he searched for his friends, finding them in an instant. Atsumu was laying on a bench shirtless near Bokuto and Akaashi, as Osamu stood across from him with Sakusa. They were quickly discussing details of the celebration party that would take place at Osamu’s restaurant that night.

“There’s our little showstopper!” Atsumu yelled, jumping up to hug him as Hinata approached. Hinata could feel a blush rising up his neck as he came in contact with Atsumu’s sweaty, shirtless body. Bokuto stopped dancing long enough to join the hug, yelling “Shou-kun!” before smashing him from the other side. Atsumu whined for Sakusa to join the hug but he stood back next to Akaashi and Osamu shaking his head.

“You’re all sweaty Tsum, no thanks,” Hinata caught Sakusa’s priceless expression and he couldn’t help but laugh. He wanted to stay in the hug forever, but he finally ( _unwillingly_ ) teared himself away from them.

“Ok guys, I really have to go,” Atsumu and Bokuto groaned as he pulled away. “Tobio, Yachi, Yamaguchi, and Tsukki are waiting in the lobby and I’ve been waiting hours to see them,” he frowned a little but they both nodded their heads.

“I’ll see you all tonight though, love you guys.” A chorus of “bye Shou-kun!” and “bye Hinata!” rang through the air as he turned to walk away, but before he got very far, Atsumu caught his hand to hold him back.

“Hey, make sure to remind your friends about the party! And please ask Tobio-kun to take that jersey off before he arrives, it is a Black Jackals’ event after all,” he winked and Hinata nodded.

“Will do, boss,” he replied with his own wink before spinning on his black and white converse and sprinting out of the locker room.

* * *

As Hinata made his way to the lobby, he found that it was easy to spot his friends huddled in a group. All he had to do was search for the two blondes: one tall, one short. He broke into a run hoping to surprise Yachi, but she spotted him before he could sneak up on her. 

“Hinata!” she gave a yelp, jumping up to run over and meet him. Hinata opened his arms wide and she rammed into him, burying her face into his shoulder.

“You were amazing out there! And the dejavú you gave us with that last shot?! Fuck,” Hinata was shocked to find her eyes filled with happy tears when they finally pulled away.

“Don’t make me cry Yacchan,” he frowned, giving her a quick peck on the cheek. All she did was chuckle in response, as she grabbed his hand and pulled him over to meet the rest of the group. Tsukishima remained sitting on the bench across from Kageyama but Yamaguchi promptly jumped up to give Hinata a hug when he arrived.

“Hey Yamaguchi,” Hinata laughed, as he struggled to hold his weight.

“Goodness, you were a beast out there!” Yamaguchi murmured; his eyes wide with awe. He and Yachi were both wearing Hinata’s Black Jackals jersey and Hinata couldn’t help but smile like an idiot. 

“You really were, dumbass,” Kageyama added, beaming.

“Hey Tobio,” Hinata caught his eye and smiled. Kageyama gave him an equally soft smile in return. Hinata’s stomach started to do cartwheels.

Tsukishima smirked before speaking up, “your skills annoy me Hinata, but you really did play well today,”

Hinata rolled his eyes at him, but he couldn’t help but smile. “Thanks, Tsukki, I kind of missed those weird half compliments of yours,” he laughed and pulled up a chair to sit next to Kageyama as Yachi squeezed onto the bench between Tsukishima and Yamaguchi.

“Thanks for coming all the way down here to watch the game guys, it really means the world to me,” Hinata wiped a fake tear from his eyes and he smiled at his friends, his heart warm and happy.

“Please Hinata, I wouldn’t miss this for the world,” Yamaguchi cried, waving his hands excitedly in front of him, earning him a snort from Tsukishima.

“Oh, don’t mind him Hinata, he’s just salty that I'm your biggest fan and not his,” he cupped a hand to the side of his mouth and loudly whispered in a fake attempt to shield his words from Tsukishima.

“Honestly, I thought I was his biggest fan, but that title already belonged to his brother,” he whispered again. Yachi and Hinata giggled in reply as Tsukishima’s face grew slightly red. Hinata looked between them all before sighing.

“Goodness, I didn’t realize how much I missed you all until now,” his voice was quiet, but that didn’t take away any significance from his words. They hadn’t been reunited like this in months, not since before Kageyama’s accident. It felt odd to be surrounded by all of them again, but it was a good type of odd; one that symbolized a familiarity that had once been forgotten but had suddenly returned.

Kageyama, who was closest to him, gave him a soft punch on the shoulder. “We missed you too dumbass,” he muttered softly, earning nods of agreement from Yachi and Yamaguchi.

“I hate to admit it, but I kind of missed you too,” Tsukishima said with a little scowl and Hinata couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Love you, Tsukki,” Tsukishima gave him a quick glare as Hinata used the nickname reserved for Yamaguchi, which only caused Hinata to laugh again.

“So, are you all coming to the after party tonight? At Osamu’s place?” Hinata turned to Yachi before saying, “And Maki is totally invited as well, Yacchan,”

“All my favorite people in one place? Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” she scoffed.

“Same,” Yamaguchi replied with wide eyes.

“I’m grabbing dinner with my team before but I’ll be there too,” Kageyama added.

“Cool, cool, cool,” Hinata replied, nodding his head quickly. “Thanks guys,”

“Hinata, are you guys planning to get crazy tonight after your big win?” Yamaguchi’s voice was excited as he asked, his eyes curious. Yachi gave him a suspicious look and Hinata knew exactly what she meant by it: she was trying to remind him of the last time the team had celebrated together, and he had drunk called Kageyama. 

“Well, it’s bound to get a little out of hand,” Tsukishima and Yamaguchi smirked at him, and Hinata gave them a quick glare. “Which is why I need you all there,” he looked at them expectantly, and they nodded their heads.

“Yes, of course we’re coming Hinata. Free food and drinks? Count me in,” Tsukishima spoke up first, earning himself a glare from Hinata and a laugh from the rest of them.

“Well whatever it takes to get you to come,” Hinata rolled his eyes, smiling like a fool. “I know Bokuto is dying to see you Tsukki,” Tsukishima rolled his eyes right back at him, but Hinata could tell the small smile on his face was genuine.

“Hoshiumi can drop me off after dinner but I’m not putting on a MSBY jersey,” Kageyama raised an eyebrow as Hinata clapped his hands together in excitement and laughed.

“Well, let’s hope Atsumu lets you in with it still on then,” their eyes were locked on each other’s and Hinata felt his heart do a little dance. For a split second he forgot where he was, before realizing he had been focused solely on Kageyama for a good thirty seconds. Yamaguchi, Tsukishima, and Yachi were giving each other suspicious glances but when Hinata turned their way, they all quickly looked into the air innocently.

After another half hour, Yamaguchi finally made the first move to leave.

“We better go drop you off Kageyama or you’ll be late for your team’s reservation,”

“Yea, you’re right, thanks,” 

Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, and Yachi led the way towards the parking lot. Hinata followed behind them, falling in step with Kageyama’s wheelchair. They made small talk about the game and Hinata couldn’t help but stare at the way that Kageyama’s strong hands gripped the wheels and how he moved almost effortlessly.

There were a handful of people still milling around in the parking lot and although they had to stop four times for Hinata to take photos and sign autographs for fans, with an occasional sneer from Tsukishima, they finally arrived at his shiny, grey, _(and totally boring)_ Honda Accord.

Hinata watched as Kageyama rolled up the passenger side, locked his brakes into place, and carefully transferred from his chair into the car. His movements were fluid and swift, and Hinata realized just how much he had grown in just a couple of weeks. At Natsu’s birthday it had taken him at least twice the amount of time to complete the same transfer and now it seemed like he could do it in his sleep. Kageyama grabbed the cushion off the seat of his wheelchair, before unclipping the wheels one by one, and folding it up.

“Thank you, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi,” Kageyama called out as they picked up and walked over to place the parts of his wheelchair in the trunk of the car. Before they came back around, Hinata turned to give Yachi a huge hug.

“Do you need a ride Yacchan? I can drop you off at home?”

“No worries, Yams and Tsukki got me,” she took a quick glance over her shoulder to find Kageyama adjusting himself in his seat and she quickly pulled Hinata away from the car.

“Promise me you won’t get shitfaced tonight. We can’t have a drunk call round 2…” she whispered, stealing glances over her shoulder.

“I promise, Yacchan,” he whispered back. She gave him a stern look, but it melted away into gentleness in a split second.

“Ok then, and I’m not babysitting you so you better keep your word,” she pulled him back to the group just as Yamaguchi walked back around.

“Congrats again Hinata! We’ll see you later,”

“Thanks Yamaguchi,” he smiled at him as Yamaguchi pulled him into a hug. Yachi gave Hinata a quick kiss on the cheek before sliding into the backseat and Yamaguchi slid in after her. Tsukishima was the only one left standing and stretched out his hand for a handshake.

“Good job Hinata. Don’t let all the success go to your head, ok?”

“I won’t, Tsukki,” Hinata replied as he shook Tsukishima’s hand. Kageyama’s door was still open and Hinata placed a hand on it to close it shut.

“See you later Tobio-chan. I’ll try to find one of my clean jerseys that you can wear once you arrive,” Kageyama rolled his eyes and muttered dumbass but his eyes were sparkling, and his smile was big and bright.

* * *

Five hours later, Hinata sat in the parking lot of Onigiri Miya, silently wishing the after-party had consisted of only the team and his friends, instead of half of Tokyo. He could hear the music coming from the restaurant even from a distance, with the windows and doors of his car firmly shut. He tried his best to stifle a yawn and clear his head before walking in. He wished he could just pick Kageyama up from dinner and take him home, begin a deep conversation on what the hell had happened before the game and maybe even go to bed at a reasonable hour. He hadn’t realized just how tired he was until he had gotten into his car after his well-deserved four-hour nap and drove to Osamu’s restaurant. Even though he knew his friends were waiting inside for him, partying was the last thing on his mind.

“Hey, sleeping beauty,” Yachi called from the booth she was sitting in, after he finally walked through the doors and was met with the after party already in full swing. As he approached, Bokuto had the rest of the table engrossed in a very important conversation. But at Yachi’s exclamation he had immediately hushed and grown silent. Hinata furrowed his eyebrows in thought, wondering just what Bokuto had been saying, slightly anxious to know what tricks he could have up his sleeve.

“Shouuuu-kun!” Bokuto yelled, as Hinata slid into the booth next to him. Across from him, Tsukishima gave him a fond look. _That was weird…_ Tsukshima never gave him looks like that. Hinata quickly erased the anxiety from his mind. These were his friends and whatever fishy thing going on would bring no harm to him. So, he breathed easy and settled into his spot at Bokuto’s side.

There were more people crammed into the restaurant than he had ever seen, even during the onigiri shop’s busiest days. Every booth in the restaurant was packed, the make-shift dance floor set up in front of the bar jammed with people bopping along to a song by The Weekend that was playing over the speakers, and Hinata swore there was so many people in the restaurant that maybe Atsumu really had invited all of Tokyo to their celebration party.

“Hi guys,” he let his eyes wander around the restaurant and he was met with laughing faces, and joyful bodies. The excitement of the room seemed to absorb his exhaustion and anxiety, leaving him with the reminder that he was here to celebrate with his team. Bokuto’s favorite phrase was _“sleep is for the weak,”_ and he was positive Bokuto was trying to get that statement across as Hinata stifled another yawn.

“Glad you could finally make it, Hinata,” Maki laughed at Yachi’s side, one hand grasping a glass of beer and the other intertwined with Yachi’s. Her long black hair was pulled up in a bun to reveal her undercut, and her eyeshadow accented the darkness of her eyes. She was sitting right next to Tsukishima, who sat next to Yamaguchi, and Hinata smiled. He loved to think about how much these two couples resembled each other. Yachi and Tsukishima were similar in appearance, with similar hair and eye color. Maki and Yamaguchi resembled each other in the same way. But where Yachi matched Yamaguchi in personality, Maki matched that of Tsukishima. She was cold on the surface but once you really got to know her, she was a softie with a protective heart. Nowadays, he hung out more with Maki and Yachi, but he was glad to see the five of them reunited again. It was as if a part of his heart had been missing and had finally been returned to him, in the form of his friends all together at the table. But there was still a part missing and it was probably one of the most important parts of his heart. 

Only one missing was Kageyama. He couldn’t wait for him to arrive because then he’d finally be truly complete.

How the hell did he think he’d be better off alone that night in his room, sleeping, than here surrounded by the people he loved the most? _Goodness… sometimes you are such an idiot Shouyou._

“What did I miss?” Hinata glanced around, surprised to find Akaashi missing from Bokuto’s side.

“Just the most joyful of reunions,” Bokuto laughed at Yachi’s side, as he linked an arm around her shoulder. Yachi giggled at his side, leaning into his hug.

“I missed you Bokuto-san,”

“Oof, missed you more Yacchan,”

“Oh wait, you also missed Atsumu freaking out because the DJ dropped out last minute. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him that unhinged,” Tsukishima added to the conversation.

Yamaguchi laughed but nodded his head in agreement. “You should have seen it Hinata, it was kind of funny actually,”

“But Hinata-kun, never fear, Akaashi and I have signed up for the job, and we’ve been killing it with the music ever since the party started,” he reached for his beer and took a sip, as Hinata watched him with so much love in his heart.

“Well, I can’t wait to see you bust your moves on the dance floor Bokuto-san,” he earned himself a booming laugh from his friend.

“Well, you won’t have to wait long,” Bokuto winked at him. “Got some great songs planned for the rest of the night,” he smiled triumphantly and Hinata conveniently missed the smirk the rest of his friends were giving him.

“Atsumu?” Hinata asked because he still hadn’t spotted his blonde setter.

“Running around trying to do a million things at once,” Bokuto grimaced with a little yikes under his breath. Hinata nodded knowing the energy Atsumu possessed when he was stressed. He’d have to catch him sooner rather than later and help him calm down. He returned his attention to his friends across the table, Bokuto offered him a drink, and he began to truly enjoy the night.

* * *

**Time: 9:39 PM**

**From: Kageyama Tobio**

**_We will be there in like five minutes. And no, I am not changing my jersey so don’t ask again_ 😂**

It was Bokuto’s turn with the aux cord again. Or at least that’s what Hinata thought as he waited outside Onigiri Miya for Kageyama and Hoshiumi to arrive. He could hear the Korean pop blasting even through the closed doors, a dramatic change from the earlier rap songs Akaashi had picked. Although he’d been having a good time, he was grateful to get away from the packed restaurant for even a few seconds to wait outside. A large group was milling around in the parking lot but there was no one he knew. He leaned back against the side of his car, arms crossed across his chest, and stared at the stars. There was a full moon and it was quite a sight to behold.

Five minutes passed before Hoshiumi pulled up in his black coupe with Kageyama in the passenger seat. Hinata waved at them and Hoshiumi stepped out of the car, heading towards the trunk. _To grab Kageyama’s chair,_ Hinata thought, as he walked around to join him.

“Hey there Hinata-kun, congrats on the game today... I guess,” he leaned to give Hinata a little side hug. “I’m going to take that win right back though so don’t get too comfortable,” he gave him a little glare and Hinata rolled his eyes at him.

“Gonna have to wait a couple months though Hoshiumi-san, seeing as how the season just ended, ooooh sick burn!” Hinata replied chuckling, his heart warm with familiar, friendly teasing.

“You fucker,” Hoshiumi muttered through gritted teeth as he pushed Hinata away from his side hug.

“You know you love me,” Hinata gave a shrug of his shoulders but Hoshiumi didn’t deny it. They both laughed as Hinata picked up the wheels and Hoshiumi grabbed Kageyama’s folded wheelchair. They walked over to the passenger side and Hoshiumi set the folded wheelchair down on the floor in front of Kageyama’s seat. He was leaning slightly out of the car, but his seatbelt was still on to keep him strapped into the seat. Hinata handed him a wheel and then the next as Kageyama opened up the folded chair and began to click each wheel into place. He then turned to the backseat and grabbed the seat cushion.

“Thanks for grabbing it for me guys,” he said looking up at them before he unclicked his seatbelt.

“My pleasure. I’ll have to admit, I’m still kind of pissed you’re coming to our defeat party Kageyama-kun,” Hoshiumi responded and crossed his arms across his chest. Hinata smirked as there was only a slight saltiness in Hoshiumi’s voice. Kageyama comfortably transferred his body from the car seat to his wheelchair. He turned back around to grab his backpack that he then hung off the back of his chair.

“At least I’m repping us, Hoshiumi-san. I wouldn’t put on the MSBY jersey even if Shouyou paid me,” he shrugged his shoulders and quickly looked up at Hinata.

“No offense though,” Hinata laughed but he could see the slight sparkle in Kageyama’s eyes.

“None taken, Tobio,” 

“Ok then, you two have a fun night. Kageyama-kun, hope I can see you again soon. I really missed you,” they gave each other a similar side hug to the one Hoshiumi had given Hinata, and Hinata caught the little frown that had appeared on Kageyama’s face. He heard a muffled “miss you too,” as Kageyama buried his face in Hoshiumi’s side. When he finally pulled away, Hoshiumi ruffled his hair before heading for the driver’s seat.

“I’ll see you later Hinata-kun,” Hoshiumi called as he walked in front of his car. He waved at him as Hoshiumi drove out of the parking lot. Once out of sight, Hinata and Kageyama turned to look at each other, finally alone for the first time that day. A million questions ran through Hinata’s mind that only slightly muffled his brain, but for the first time that night he was thinking straight.

“How was dinner?” Hinata asked as he stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jeans. He was slightly on edge and it took him a good ten seconds to realize why. His insides were beginning to squirm as he finally realized how good Kageyama looked in his white Schweiden Adlers jersey.

“It was delicious and so good to be back together again. I hadn’t realized just how much I had missed them until today. How’s the party?” Kageyama inquired. They had fallen in line with each other so easily, as Kageyama pushed himself towards the front of the restaurant with Hinata walking next to him.

“Loud, lots of alcohol, and packed with so many people I don’t even know. But Osamu’s food is always on point, and Bokuto and Akaashi are playing DJ,”

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” Kageyama chuckled as they arrived at the front door of the restaurant.

Hinata gave him a slight smile before replying, “a good thing.” At the front door of Onigiri Miya, the pair was met with hip-hop, numerous voices talking at once over the loud music, and intangible sounds of Bokuto yelling. Before they could make their way over to the booth Hinata had been sitting at, Atsumu jumped into their path.

“Tobio-kun, did you just get here? Welcome! I missed you kiddo! But you are definitely not in dress code,” he made a slight face of disgust at Kageyama’s white jersey but only playfully.

“Nice to see you too Atsumu-san,” and they shook hands.

“Are you still hungry? We had some other people arrive late so Samu’s in the back cooking. I know you love curry; I’ll bring you a plate when it’s ready if you’d like,”

The blush rising through his face was unmistakable and he choked back a cough. “T-That’d be amazing, thank you,”

“Of course! One of my many duties as host! Anyways, enjoy the party!” he called as he walked away with a salute. Hinata was glad to see that some of his stress from earlier had been alleviated and he realized it definitely had to do with the beers he had drunk. 

All of Hinata’s teammates yelled hi at Kageyama as they passed by and he waved back. It took them a while, but they finally arrived at the last booth in the back. Sakusa was still sitting where Hinata had left him but he was now joined by Bokuto and Akaashi. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were up conversing with one of Tsukishima’s teammates who had unexpectedly also shown up to the party while Yachi and Maki were at the bar.

“Kageyama-kun!” Bokuto yelled, and Kageyama could tell he had already had one too many drinks.

“Hey Bokuto-san,” he replied, rolling up to the table and pushing himself forward so he wasn’t blocking the aisle _._ Hinata slid into the booth but stayed close to the edge, close to Kageyama instead of scooting all the way next to Sakusa.

“You look good Kageyama,” Sakusa mentioned from across the table. He was leaning back haphazardly, his curls slightly bouncing, his demeanor completely relaxed.

“Thank you,” Kageyama responded but he could feel a blush beginning to creep up his neck. It’d been a long time since he'd been surrounded by the MSBY Black Jackals at a social event. But it had been an even longer time since he had been complimented in such an innocent way like Sakusa had just done. It was normal to feel a little off his game, Kageyama told himself, as he willed the blush to disappear from his face.

“You really do,” Akaashi added, smiling warmly from Kageyama’s right side. Bokuto leaned up against him with a beer in his hand.

“Thank you,” Kageyama nodded at Akaashi, unsure of how many compliments he could take before he burst _._ He turned to his left to look at Hinata who was beaming at him, a childish smile plastered on his little face. It was a smile as bright as the sun.

“They’re not wrong Kageyama-kun, you look healthy, happy, and kind of cute. I’m happy to see you again,” and this time Kageyama was quite certain his face had turned red. Akaashi playfully slapped at Bokuto’s hand as if to reprimand him but Bokuto only shrugged his shoulders, daring someone to say it wasn’t true. Atsumu suddenly appeared at the table, a plate full of curry in his hand.

“Eat up Tobio-kun,” he called, setting the plate down in front of Kageyama. He scurried away (“Host duties are calling me!”) and the booth was left in peace. Hinata watched as his teammates mingled on and off the dance floor in front of the bar. Other teammates would slide into their booth from time and time again, but for a while it was only the five of them chatting away. Around midnight, Bokuto had dragged Akaashi off to the dance floor and Atsumu had done the same to Sakusa. Hinata and Kageyama watched and laughed, the atmosphere light and warm. Kageyama was sipping a beer and watching Hinata’s lips, wondering what it would feel like to kiss them again.

“Is it a bad thing that Bokuto is a better dancer drunk than he is sober?” Hinata was cracking up as he watched Bokuto from across the room.

“That’s true for a lot of people Shou,”

“Is it true for me?” Hinata prompted, an eyebrow up.

“Not sure, it’s been a while since I saw you dance,” Hinata responded with a slight laugh and an unexpected yawn as Kageyama checked the time on his phone.

“Fuck it’s late, should we go home?” Kageyama looked at him with an expression of concern. Hinata raised his eyebrows suggestively, a mischievous smile on his face.

“So, _you_ want to take _me_ home, Tobio?” he raised his eyebrows again in a repetitive motion, very rapidly and Kageyama broke down in a fit of laughter.

“Well, you’re the one that’s falling asleep. And I need _you_ to take _me_ home, dumbass,”

“Ay-ay captain,” Hinata replied, giving him a mock salute.

“Dumbass,” Kageyama muttered but they shared a laugh. Hinata wasn’t sure why he had the sudden urge to change the subject, but as he glanced up at the TV above their booth (it had been playing a rerun of their earlier game all night) and then back down at Kageyama, the memory of sitting in this exact spot five months earlier rooted him to the spot.

“Tobio, I never told you this,” Kageyama’s eyes went up in interest as he listened to Hinata speak over the booming music.

“I was sitting right here when I found out about your accident. We had come here to eat dinner after practice. The news showed scenes of the crash on that TV,” he pointed above his head, and Kageyama turned his head to look up. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt the amount of fear I felt in that moment,” he closed his eyes, wishing to vanish that feeling of dread from his mind.

“I didn’t mean to darken the mood or anything just now, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m relieved you’re ok. I remember sitting here thinking about life without you and it was the most awful thing I’ve ever thought of. I don’t want to ever think about life without you ever again.”

“Thanks, Shou,” he reached out to grab his hand and squeezed it. Hinata’s eyes flew up in surprise as Kageyama gave him a weak smile.

“Also,” Hinata looked around to make sure Atsumu was still on the dance floor and not standing right behind them, listening to their conversation.

“Don’t tell Atsumu this, but I think you look really good in your Adlers jersey. I always thought your jerseys were hotter than ours. I’m kind of glad you didn’t change out of it,” Kageyama chuckled, and blushed for the fourth time that night, except this time it had nothing to do with being embarrassed by being self-conscious, and more with the heat that was beginning to rise inside of him.

“Your secret is safe with me,” Kageyama replied with a wink and Hinata’s heart fluttered. He stared into Kageyama’s blue eyes and he felt himself slipping into a different world, remaining completely powerless under Kageyama’s gaze. His blue eyes had always reminded him of the ocean, a beautiful blue that could outmatch even the color of the sky, always so calm and serene. He couldn’t tear himself away from them, wanting to stare at them forever until he knew no more. Kageyama raised an eyebrow at him when Hinata didn’t turn away from him.

“Everything alright?” he chuckled over the booming music, as a soft and playful smile flashed across his face.

 _Oh yea,_ Hinata thought. Everything was more than alright. Everything was perfect. And then without really thinking about his actions or the repercussions, Hinata leaned across the table and closed the space between them. Kageyama didn’t flinch but only watched as Hinata’s body grew closer to his. His eyebrow remained up, puzzled, but he didn’t move away, instead he leaned closer as if inviting him in.

It was truly now or never. But before Hinata could seal the deal, Bokuto’s thunderous voice echoed through the restaurant, and for the first time in his life, Hinata found himself cursing it. Hinata turned away from Kageyama’s face with a scowl on his face, wishing Bokuto would just disappear. He spotted him in front of the bar at the edge of the dance floor, speaking into a microphone, and waving everyone’s attention to him with his hands.

“Hello everyone, the party is beginning to die down but before the night is over, I think we should thank our marvelous hosts,” his words were slightly slurred, but he stood up proudly scanning the room for the Miya twins.

“Now where have they gone off to? Tsuuuum-Tsuuuum? Osamu-kun?” he called out and a few seconds later, Atsumu showed up pulling his younger twin along with him.

“Here they are! Can they get a round of applause?!” his voice was bright and so loud, every person in the restaurant couldn’t help but clap their hands in response. Hinata laughed while he watched Bokuto make a slight fool of himself on stage, as Atsumu and Osamu’s faces turned a bright red. Perhaps he could forgive him for stopping the kiss he was about to give Kageyama… maybe just maybe, he could be forgiven. Maybe.

“Thank you, thank you! Also, as a rep for our team, I just want to say thank you all for coming tonight. To our opponents, although I think only one of them is here tonight, thank you for the game. Now, two more things before the night is over,” he pulled out his phone, and completely paused the random rap song that was playing softly in the background.

“If someone finds Akaashi Keiji, please let him know that his husband is looking for him! And as one of the two unofficial DJs of the night, I feel like it’s truly my responsibility to do this. So Shou-kun, light of our lives, the savior of today’s game, and the brightest ray of sunshine to ever exist, this one's for you!” Hinata felt his face turn red as his friends tried to catch his eyes from all over the restaurant. Kageyama was laughing at him, disbelief written all over his face as he grabbed Hinata’s hands before he could bury himself in them. But all the color returned to Hinata’s face and his eyes grew as wide as saucers when he heard the drum claps in the first few notes of the song begin to play. He thought his ears might be playing tricks on him but after a few measures of suspense the undeniable, “Huh… Yeah… Wooooo!” of Whitney Houston played through the speakers and Hinata almost fell out of the booth with excitement.

“Fucking Bokuto,” he cried, bringing his hands to cover his mouth in shock. He was laughing and he couldn’t bring himself to stop. Leave it to Bokuto Koutarou, who in his drunken stupor could still remember something Hinata had told him only once in his life. During one of their many adventures, Hinata had drunkenly confessed to Bokuto that he had only one deep, dark secret that he had never told anyone in the world. Bokuto had somehow gotten the confession out of him, with giggles and a promise that he’d never tell a single soul. So Hinata confessed his secret: he wanted to dance to the song “I Wanna Dance with Somebody” by Whitney Houston with somebody who loved him. That was the secret he had told Bokuto while they were both drunk and now here they were, months later, after even Hinata had forgotten that Bokuto knew this fact about him.

Kageyama watched as various couples stormed the dance floor. Yamaguchi was pulling Tsukishima by the hand, Yachi and Maki were already there singing into each other’s love-filled faces, Bokuto had finally found Akaashi who was laughing as he cradled Bokuto in his arms, and Atsumu was attempting to dance as Sakusa watched him with a fond expression on his face. It was such a beautiful sight that Kageyama couldn’t help but smile in awe. He was content with watching them from afar, at a safe enough distance where he didn’t have to worry about getting in anyone’s way and with Hinata sitting right next to him. But what he hadn’t counted on was Hinata grabbing his hand and pleading to his face.

“Tobio, we have to go out there, please, will you dance with me?” his eyes were bright and sparkling, wide and bulging. He was basically jumping in his seat, as if the only thing holding him from running over and joining his friends was the hand that held Kageyama’s.

“I can’t dance. I couldn’t before, and much less now,” he gestured vaguely to his legs but Hinata just smiled as if it didn’t matter… _(because it didn’t)_. 

“You won’t know if you don’t try,” he smirked, smiling smugly. Kageyama laughed at him, but he pushed his hand away.

“Go, before the song ends,” he nodded his head firmly, pointing to the dance floor. Kageyama would really hate if Hinata missed this song, when it was obvious how much it meant to him. Hinata took one desperate, final glance towards the dance floor before shaking his head.

“I’m not going anywhere without you, Tobio. So, we’ll stay here together,” Hinata smiled contently and at peace with his decision, but Kageyama sure as hell wasn’t at peace.

“Shou, just go, I’ll be fine,” Kageyama furrowed his eyebrows down this time, slightly annoyed that he wouldn’t just leave him and go. Hinata bounced a little in his seat before hopping out of it, crossing his arms at his chest.

“If you won’t come with me, I’ll just have to dance right here,” he announced, smiling brightly, as he began to dance around in their little deserted corner of the restaurant.

“Shou…” Kageyama began as Hinata continued to dance in the space between the tables, pulling himself out from under the table and turning his wheelchair to face him.

“Ohhhhh I wanna dance with somebody, I wanna feel the heat-tuh with somebody,” Hinata mouthed along to the words, letting Whitney’s immaculate voice flow through him. He was swaying on his feet, his hands moving in the air, as he bobbed his head with the beat of the music. Kageyama couldn’t help himself as he brought a hand up to his mouth to cover his laugh. He just couldn’t believe Hinata Shouyou because no matter how many times he proved Kageyama wrong, he just continued to do so. He was truly one of a kind and Kageyama was lucky to know him. He was lucky to have him in his life. He was lucky enough to love him and be loved by him (even if he was too much of a coward to admit that part). Hinata continued to shimmy, moving excitedly to the left and right, not once missing a word that Whitney sang.

“Somebody who, somebody who, somebody who loves me!” he punched his left fist in the air. “Somebody who, somebody who! To hold me in his arms, oh!” he punched his right first in the air, before squatting down on his feet in front of Kageyama’s wheelchair, so he had to look up at him to meet his eyes.

“Tobio, my favorite part is coming up. Please, please, please, will you please dance with me?” he was rushing his words as if holding his breath for Kageyama’s response. Kageyama stared into his eyes, and he knew in that moment there was no way he could say no to a face like that. Kageyama grabbed Hinata’s hands to signify his acceptance, as Hinata sprung to his feet, yelling “it’s the key change!!!” ecstatically, his face twisted with triumph and pure joy.

“Ohhhhh, I wanna dance with somebody, I wanna feel the heat-tuh with somebody, yeaaaaah I wanna dance with somebody, with somebody who loves me!” Hinata held onto Kageyama’s hands, as if he was never going to let them go, yelling the words of the song into his face.

Any wall of hesitation that Kageyama had put up when asked to dance had come crashing down, as he rocked his upper body side to side, moving his neck and shoulders to the beat of the music, completely letting himself go. He was laughing now, and his smile never once left his face. Hinata swore again, for probably the millionth time in his life, that Kageyama’s laugh was the most beautiful sound in the universe… it was even more beautiful than Whitney’s voice and that was saying something. Hinata wanted to stay like this forever, dancing with the person he loved, as Whitney Houston sang his favorite song in the world. Kageyama was singing the words back to him now, moving his body in ways he hadn’t done in so long, and Hinata had the sudden urge to cry from elation. He wanted this moment to last forever.

That very afternoon, Hinata had thought he had felt the happiest he had ever felt in his life. He had scored the winning point of their final match of the season, his team had taken home the championship, he had sensed the exhilaration of his teammates pulsating throughout the entire stadium. Hinata had thought he had been given a taste of true euphoria, standing in that stadium in front of thousands of cheering fans, surrounded by his teammates and the best friends he had ever known.

But it wasn’t until now, as he gripped Kageyama’s hands like lifelines that held him tied to Earth, while they yelled Whitney Houston’s beautiful lyrics into each other’s faces, laughing, smiling, and dancing that he realized he had been mistaken.

Because this. This right here was true euphoria.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that last part... about Whitney Houston... was just me... projecting :) :) :) 
> 
> I had my last first day of undergrad today so... bear with me. I want to finish this story SO BAD and like I think I know how to end it... but when shall I find time to write? (the answer is hopefully soon asfkljask) lots of love for you all. stay safe. my warmest wishes to you all.


	11. You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo yo yo guess who's back. been thinking about this fic a lot because I don't want to abandon it and have so MUCH LOVE for it so I'm currently just trying to tie up some loose ends, even though I have no idea what the f-ck I'm doing
> 
> but ANYWAYS --> @trixie_moon, @EmbarrassedAndNerdy, and @megbly98 <\-- this one's for you. Thanks for always commenting and wishing me well. Hope you like it.

In this exact moment, Hinata radiated so much joy, glowing and bright like the sun. Entranced by Hinata, there was nothing Kageyama could do in order to look away but honestly why would he want to look anywhere else?

They pulled away following the last few notes of Whitney Houston’s 1987 hit single and Kageyama watched as Hinata’s eyes lingered on his lips. Time itself seemed to stand still as they closed the inches between their bodies. Hinata leaned down to lay a quick kiss on his lips, promptly pulling away as they were rushed by his friends. Kageyama wanted to cry out for him to kiss him again, but it was to no avail. Hinata was rushed by an exhilarated Bokuto and the rest was history.

Kageyama felt helpless as Bokuto enveloped Hinata in his massive arms and the rest of their friends surrounded them, making small talk and laughing as all the guests began to leave. And as he made small talk with Akaashi and Tsukishima, his mind was on Hinata. He was beginning to daydream how it would feel to lay kisses down Hinata’s muscular hips and lust began to blur his vision, making it extremely difficult to think about anything but the way Hinata’s thighs could crush him if he asked him too.

“This has been the longest and best day of my life,” Hinata laughed before they drove home a little after 1AM. Hinata drummed his fingers on the gear stick and the soft pitter patter of his drumming was the only sound in his silent car. Kageyama’s hand moved almost on instinct as he interlocked his fingers with Hinata’s and neither of them spoke a word, letting the silence fill the car in peace.

Intimacy was not a thought that crossed Kageyama’s mind often now a days. But as he stole glances at Hinata who was focused on the road in front of him, intimacy, a concept he had long forgotten was an actual thing, was starting to creep back into his line of vision. His mind was going blank and all he could think of was the way he wanted Hinata to grab him from under his thighs and lift him into the air, while he dug his fingernails into Hinata’s massive shoulders and left marks on Hinata’s neck for the whole world to know who he belonged to.

Kageyama wasn’t sure what pushed him over the edge that night, but there was no denying the fact that Hinata brought out a different side of him that no one else ever could. And after watching Hinata all day, Kageyama was only a mere bystander to the feelings that surged through him, with absolutely no way to stop them.

“Welcome back,” Hinata mumbled with a grin, as he pulled into his apartment’s parking lot and stepped out of the car, welcomed by the bustling noises of the city. At Hinata’s front door, Kageyama was greeted by a familiar sight of a messy hallway littered with shoes, that brought many fond memories to mind. 

“Shoot sorry, I should have cleaned up before I left,” Hinata rushed around, tidying up his shoes and clearing a path for Kageyama to wheel through.

“Don’t worry about it. Thanks for letting me crash with you,” Kageyama gave him a smile.

“It’s my pleasure, Tobio. Also, you’re sleeping on my bed, I’ll take the couch,”

Kageyama rolled his eyes at him. “Just sleep on your bed with me! I’m not going to bite. Plus, we’ve done it a million times before,”

“But that was when we were boyfriends,” Hinata whined, throwing his hands up into the air.

“We slept in the same bed as friends too, remember?” Kageyama had an eyebrow raised and Hinata slowly nodded his head as he remembered countless sleepovers pre-relationship, circa their second year of high school back when they were just two foolish idiots in denial.

“I guess you’re right,” Hinata replied chuckling, as he made his way down the hall to his bedroom, motioning for Kageyama to follow him. Lying lazily on top of his bed was Hinata’s tuxedo cat, Gata _(Portuguese for cat, a very creative name is you ask him)._ She didn’t seem to notice their entrance.

“Gata missed you Tobio, look!” Hinata flopped on the left side of the bed and the cat jumped off only to return and snuggle up to Hinata’s side.

“I missed her too,” Kageyama responded with a smirk. Hinata grinned back up at him, one hand in Gata’s fur before turning over to his stomach and burrowing his face into his pillow. He picked his face up for one second to tell him to make himself at home before falling back down. His exhaustion from the day had finally caught up with him and he could barely keep his eyes open. But this made things easier, Kageyama thought. He no longer had to worry about losing control and doing something dumb. They had spent the whole night flirting but they had just been getting lost in the heat of the moment. That was all.

Kageyama headed to the bathroom to pee, wash his face, and brush his teeth. When he returned, Hinata reluctantly dragged himself off the bed, yawning as he headed to the bathroom to do the same. Kageyama took the opportunity to change, heaving his body onto the bed after slipping off his shoes. He pulled his Adlers jersey over his head and folded it neatly before tugging his jeans down his legs and replacing them with a pair of athletic shorts. Gata seemed to finally notice she had different company than she was used to, as she stalked her way towards him, purring slightly and rubbing her head against his side.

“Oh, hello there,” he chuckled, rubbing his hands through her fur, wondering how it could possibly be so soft. Maybe she actually did miss him.

When Hinata finally walked out of the bathroom, stripped down to a plain white t-shirt, a pair of shorts, and socks, Kageyama failed to notice him. He finally turned his gaze from Gata to Hinata and thought for a second he could see something inside Hinata’s eyes stir. It was as if they were moving on the same wavelength because everything that happened next seemed to happen according to some well, thought-out plan (when really it was anything but that).

Sleep and exhaustion were banished from Hinata’s mind as he crossed the room in one swift motion.

“Shouyou?” Kageyama asked confused but instead of replying, Hinata leaned in and finally kissed him on the lips. The kiss was a surprise, filled with a raw hunger and incredible force, but at the same time a sense of gentleness that Kageyama had once had the pleasure of knowing and loving and breathing in every day.

Kageyama’s brain was going haywire and he didn’t know what was happening. He pushed him away from a second, out of breath as he murmured puzzled, “What are you doing?”

Hinata wasted no time in his response.

“What I should have done the moment I saw you today,” He leaned back in and this time, Kageyama didn’t push him away.

They were locked to one another, neither of them daring to let go or hold back. Hinata stood up and in one nimble movement, he had stepped over Kageyama’s legs to sit on the other side of the bed. Kageyama reached out to grip his back and pull Hinata into him. It was an awkward position, with Kageyama propped up against the headboard but Hinata dropped to his knees reacting with ferocity. Kageyama placed kisses up and down Hinata’s neck as moans escaped Hinata’s mouth, and his neck went numb with pleasure and sensation. Hinata wanted Kageyama. He needed Kageyama. He needed to feel him inside him, and he never wanted to stop. Kageyama gripped at Hinata’s thin shirt, cursing the fabric that lay across Hinata’s back.

“You want if off,” Hinata growled into Kageyama’s ear, his voice gravelly and deep with desire. And for some backwards reason, hearing Hinata’s voice filled with as much lust as Kageyama felt made him laugh.

“What?” Hinata’s expressed changed in a split second and he lost the dark shadow in his eyes.

“Look at us,” Kageyama moved his face to the right and kissed him again, lightly tugging at Hianta’s bottom lip. “Who would have thought?” Kageyama couldn’t help but lean back and stare at him in awe. Because here he was in all his muscle and glory, and Kageyama couldn’t help but wonder what he had done to deserve him. Hinata just chuckled, pulling his shirt off in one quick motion before grabbing Kageyama’s and ripping it off over his head.

“Slow down tiger,” Kageyama laughed, covering his mouth with his hand as Hinata just grinned at him wickedly. Hinata started slowly, making his way from his mouth, to his throat, until he reached his collarbone, littering kisses along Kageyama’s clavicle. Hinata took his time, lingering around Kageyama’s nipples for a while, and trailing his fingers down his stomach and abdomen. Kageyama closed his eyes, letting Hinata wash over him like an ocean, hoping to capture this exact moment in his mind forever. 

And although he was nervous, Kageyama realized he wanted Hinata. He needed to hold him as they fucked, to kiss him until he blacked out and knew of nothing anymore. He could care less if he was paralyzed because they’d make this work. Kageyama had never been surer of needing something as much as he was sure he needed this right now. Hinata paused for a second, freezing as he looked down at his shorts.

“Fuck Kags, I’m so hard right now you don’t even know,” He coughed, holding himself still as he stared into Kageyama’s eyes, twitching with the urge to reach down into his shorts. 

“Let me do it,” Kageyama muttered, surprising even himself. A sound escaped from the bottom of his throat as he stared at Hinata’s erection through his underwear. Hinata nodded before pulling off the only thing that separated Kageyama from Hinata’s dick. There was no need for words as Kageyama took Hinata’s penis in his hands and began to do exactly what he needed to do, exactly how Hinata liked it, just how he remembered it.

“Cum on me,” Kageyama moaned, rubbing harder as Hinata shook slightly, biting his lip to keep from crying out. To his shock, it didn’t take long for Hinata to yell “fuck!”, his orgasm shuddering through him as his body went limp. He let himself rest with his head on Kageyama’s shoulder as short, ragged breaths racked his whole body.

“Fuck, you’re so fucking sexy,” Hinata breathed into him as Kageyama looked down at himself to see Hinata’s white cum covering his abdomen. His long legs hadn’t moved at all and remained eerily still in front of him, and for a split second they seemed to be mocking him. Kageyama sighed, clutching onto Hinata’s naked body, ignoring the cum and the slight layer of sweat that covered him, pretending for a second that everything was back to the way it used to be.

“I’ll clean us up,” Hinata mumbled after a few minutes of laying on top of one another, kissing his neck one final time. He rolled off the bed and walked into the bathroom, returning with wet wipes in his hand. He sat on Kageyama’s side of the bed and began to use the wipes to wipe down his stomach. When he finished, he bent down to leave a kiss right above his belly button. Hinata kept his lips on his abdomen but looked up to meet Kageyama’s eyes with a wink.

“Good as new,” he stood back and Kageyama couldn’t help but take him all in. Hair fiery orange, body tall and strong. A faint tan lingered on his arms and legs, probably from spending hours on the beaches of Rio de Janeiro, a tan that had never seemed to completely fade. A little scar rested on his right side, right above the pubic area, when he had gotten his appendix removed. A new bruise was growing on his inner arms and a dark bruise lingered on his thigh, both very evidently marks from volleyball.

Hinata looked like some tan, Greek God with orange hair, Kageyama thought. Of course, he had known how much Hinata had grown since high school, but now here he was, all perfectly sculpted. Kageyama didn’t deserve him and Hinata had no right to call him sexy when he looked like he had just fallen from the heavens.

Hinata climbed into bed as Kageyama pushed his bottom forward to lie down on his back. Hinata curled up to Kageyama’s side, nuzzling his face into Kageyama’s neck and wrapping his arm around his chest. He rubbed circles with his thumb into his side, and with it released a flurry of memories. Nostalgia to better days when they were younger and couldn’t get enough of each other. But also, nostalgia of their encounter post-accident, when Hinata had run out on Kageyama after breaking his heart with a painful song written on a piano. A lot had changed since that fateful day.

“When I got hurt, I thought I’d never feel complete or myself again,” Kageyama began. “But that’s not true at all anymore, you know? I feel whole again… but even more when I’m with you,” He felt Hinata kiss the area right beneath his nipple. A few minutes passed and Kageyama thought Hinata had finally fallen asleep. It wasn’t until his voice came quiet and slightly mumbled that he realized he hadn’t.

It might have been the exhaustion finally catching up to Hinata for the millionth time that day. It could have also been the adrenaline from the entire night. But whatever the reason, it didn’t stop from igniting a flame inside Kageyama, as he was consumed with love.

“I love you Tobio.” The room was filled with Hinata’s snores seconds after, but it took Kageyama hours before he was finally able to fall asleep.

* * *

The first thing Kageyama remembers upon waking up was the feeling of Hinata’s teeth on his skin. The first thing he sees is Hinata’s tousled, orange hair and his back lifting up with each breath. It could have all been just a very amazing dream, but here they were in bed together and Kageyama realized it all was true. But he couldn’t help but think where did they go from here? Kageyama shook the thought from his mind, content with watching Hinata sleep. Everything about them was a force to be reckoned with for a later time, but for now, it was as if they were the only two people that existed in the entire universe. Almost as if time itself had come to a standstill, and the only thing that mattered was them. Kageyama had never felt as complete as he did in this moment.

Kageyama guessed that’s just what love did.

* * *

“Hey sleepyhead,” Hinata’s eyes had fallen on Kageyama’s from across the room. Hinata rubbed sleep out of his eyes before he realized he was still naked. Pulling sheets up over him to be at least a little bit decent was all he could do, which only made Kageyama chuckle. He was fully dressed it seemed, and ready to go at any moment.

“I overslept?” Hinata groaned obnoxiously.

“Perhaps,”

“How much time before I have to drop you off at Yachi’s?”

“An hour and a half,”

“Well, that’s so much time. We have all the time in the world!” He dropped the sheets dramatically and hopped out of bed to meet Kageyama by the window where he sat. He noticed Kageyama’s breath hitch and he seemed to be trying his best to ignore the fact that Hinata was naked.

“Whatcha writing about there?” Kageyama silently shut his journal before looking up to meet Hinata’s curious face.

“You actually,”

“All good things I hope,” Kageyama paused before giving him a long, hard look and laughed.

“All good things,” Tilting his head up, he left a kiss on Hinata’s lips. He felt Hinata tense for a second before he calmed and brought his hands up to cup his cheeks. When he pulled away, he was grinning like an idiot. “Come back to bed with me,” he pouted, grabbing him by the hand and staring at his bed longingly. Kageyama followed his gaze before sighing.

“Of course,” Hinata pumped his fist into the air in excitement. He fell onto the bed in a heap and Kageyama followed closely behind him. Hinata couldn’t help himself as he wrapped his arms around Kageyama’s torso, cradling him in his arms. They didn’t find the need to talk as both listened to each other’s soft, beating hearts. Kageyama wasn’t sure how much time had passed when Hinata finally spoke up.

“Hey Tobio,”

“Yes?”

“What happened yesterday?” Kageyama wiggled a little out of his grip so he could look him in the eyes.

“What do you mean?”

“On the court before the game? I’m sorry I wasn’t able to run after you. Coach would have killed me if I stopped warming up,” Kageyama could sense the sincere regret in his eyes, as Hinata turned his face away from him.

“Hey,” he cupped Hinata’s chin in his hand, and brought it softly back to face him. “It’s ok,” 

“It was a lot for me to be back in front of all those fans. I felt guilty and out of place. And I don’t think it dawned on me until that moment that I was actually retiring. All those emotions just combined, and it made me feel like I had just gotten off a roller-coaster,”

“I see,” Hinata nodded, staring at him intently. “How do you feel now? About retiring?”

Kageyama bobbed his head before replying. “Honestly, I’m not really sure. I think I’m at peace with it, but I also feel like… I need to just mull it over a little bit more.”

“Of course,” Hinata smiled, his eyes growing smaller. “Are you still thinking about sitting volleyball?”

“I am! The kids and I at Karasuno have actually tried it a couple times. I convinced Coach Ukai we could use it as a team bonding experience and it went really well,” Kageyama couldn’t help but laugh as he reminisced on the day they first tried sitting volleyball.

“That sounds awesome,” Hinata leaned closer to him to kiss him on the cheek. “Next time you’re around, I’ll introduce you to the captain of the TT-Tigers. You won’t know what’s up until you’ve practiced with the pros,”

“Sounds like a plan,” Kageyama scrunched his nose before burying his face into the side of Hinata’s neck. Hinata kissed his temple one more time, allowing Kageyama a few seconds to breath him in, before hopping out of bed, yelling about having to pee. Kageyama chuckled to himself, staring at the ceiling of Hianta’s room.

He was overcome with joy, exhilaration, and comfort as he wondered why it had taken them so long to find each other again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (hello. one very poorly written hand job later)
> 
> I'm committed to finishing this so stay tuned for more. <3
> 
> stay safe out there!


	12. And isn’t it just so pretty to think all along there was some invisible string tying you to me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY A LOVE CONFESSION FOLKS. About time if I do say so myself.
> 
> HI EVERYONE, to my new readers and my old readers, I'm so thankful. Counting down the days until I post the last chapter and put an end to this. I have an outline and I'm ready to write so until then, every song ever reminds me of Kagehina so been making a playlist, let me know if you have any songs you think I should add. https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1nKczdnYZO5oC53Np61jJw?si=hNqRJOi1Q_ufJ4Ru2mTemQ
> 
> <3 love you lots

“So, let me get this straight Shou-kun,” Bokuto was sprawled across Hinata’s bed, with one hand ruffling Gata’s fur and another one under his head. Sakusa sat at the edge of bed, by Bokuto’s feet, scrolling through his phone, occasionally looking up. Atsumu sat backwards in Hinata’s desk chair with his arms crossed, a permanent frown etched on his face. They all watched Hinata walk in and out of his closet as he packed up a suitcase that laid on the floor of his bedroom. Although it was a familiar sight they had all seen multiple times before, this time the circumstances were a little bit muffled and confusing.

“So, you really told Kageyama you loved him?” Bokuto asked in a bewildered tone, with his eyes squinted and an eyebrow raised. Atsumu nodded in agreement. All they heard in reply was a loud groan coming from inside Hinata’s closet.  
  
“Yes, do explain again Shouyou.” If he was given the right reason Atsumu was ready to hide the suitcase along with all its contents.

“I suppose you were a little drunk that night weren’t you Hinata?” Sakusa asked, finally looking up from his phone, genuinely curious.

“Guys, please I was not that drunk!” Hinata yelled from inside the closet.

“Well would a sober person say what you said, especially after last time?” Atsumu wailed dramatically, lifting himself out of the chair he was sitting in. He walked over to the suitcase and shut it with a bang before proceeding to sit on top of it with his arms crossed.

“Good question, Tsum-Tsum,” Bokuto whispered quietly enough that Hinata couldn’t hear him.

Hinata finally poked his head out of the closet, arms full of t-shirts and jackets. He threw the clothes down on the now vacant desk chair before proceeding to tackle Atsumu off his suitcase, with a very loud, “fuck off.”

“I knew you guys were going to ask too many questions,” Hinata whined, as he and Atsumu finally crumpled to the floor after a momentary scuffle. Atsumu didn’t protest. Instead, he proceeded to hug Hinata so he wouldn’t be able to get back up. Hinata decided his fate was inevitable so he didn’t fight back, body going limp in Atsumu’s arms as he groaned obnoxiously.

“Shouyou, please! You have a one-night stand with Tobio and now you’re running back to him, expecting him to embrace you with open arms? Don’t you remember what happened the last time you told him you loved him? Because I’m sure everyone here remembers what happened next,” Atsumu looked genuinely upset but Hinata couldn’t bring himself to do anything but sigh as Atsumu finally let him go. He stood up quickly, dragging his suitcase away from Atsumu with a glare before turning back to his friends. Atsumu looked defeated, while Bokuto and Sakusa looked away sheepishly, not wanting to catch either of their gazes.

“First, it was _not_ a one-night stand!” Hinata shouted, his voice rising with annoyance.

“To-may-to, to-mah-to. Po-tay-to, po-tah-to,” Atsumu drawled dramatically, earning a glare from Hinata. Bokuto gave Atsumu an eye roll before frowning as Sakusa buried his face in his hands, wishing he had the ability to melt into the bed.

“Second, yes I do remember what happened last time and I’m thankful you all were there for me. Tobio wasn’t ready, but things are different now and I felt it deep in my bones because for some reason Tobio is different but he’s also the same…” Hinata looked away from them, as the color began to rise up his neck. He couldn’t seem to understand why Atsumu didn’t see what was going on here, how simple it all really was. 

“Like I don’t know exactly how to describe it. But that night, when we were in bed together reminded me of when we were back in high school, almost as if no time had passed. It felt like we had just gotten home from practice, and we were tearing at each other’s clothes, and falling onto his bed in a heap and we kissed until the sun set, until our empty stomachs would rumble, until moonlight would peer through the window, and nothing mattered in the world but us. That’s how I felt that night and I’m pretty sure he felt the same way,”

“And third, aren’t you always telling me to put myself out there? I don’t know… things feel different and things feel the same and this just feels right,”

“Tobio feels like home, like he was always was but for a while I wanted to ignore it and fight it. Like we’re connected by some invisible string, one that always leads me back to him. And I think I’m in love with him and I think he’s in love with me and if I don’t just go for it, I’m going to regret it for the rest of my life. So, try to stop me, but you won’t be able to even if you tried,” Hinata finished firmly, staring into the eyes of his friends as if daring them to object. The three of them hadn’t said a word since Hinata started, but now that he had finally finished, they all looked at him with pride. Atsumu wiped a fake tear from his eye. Bokuto straightened up on the bed, so his back was leaning against the wall, a triumphant grin plastered on his face.

“Well, I guess that settles it. Go get him tiger,” Atsumu replied, beaming from ear-to-ear. “Shou-kun, I just wanted to make sure you knew what you were doing. Sorry if I was being… a little harsh?” Atsumu stood up with his arms open, hoping a hug would reconcile things between them. Hinata rolled his eyes but still buried himself in Atsumu’s chest, with a muffled “fuck you,” that he meant only slightly. Bokuto jumped off the bed to embrace them. Sakusa stayed frozen on the bed until Bokuto grabbed his arm and dragged him over to join the huddle.

“We love you Shouyou,” the three of boys cried in unison, while they enveloped Hinata with strong arms and firm chests, as a mixture of four bodies turned into one.

“I love you too guys,” Hinata replied, knowing he could never stay mad at any of them for too long. They finally pulled apart to allow Hinata to continue to pick out his clothes. Except this time, they all stuffed themselves into the closet with him to help him choose.

Hinata laughed, as warmth spread throughout his body. He wasn’t sure if he was doing the right thing, but he knew he couldn’t sit around waiting for something to just happen. He really hoped Kageyama was ready for a good, old fashioned love confession.

He wasn’t sure what he’d do if he wasn’t.

* * *

So, confessing your love to someone was easier said than done but Hinata probably should have already known that. He grew cold feet the second he stepped off the train platform in Miyagi. He had already gone through every possible scenario in his head but now that he was so unbelievably close to where he needed to be, the very idea was driving him crazy.

What could he say? What could he do? And worse; what if Kageyama actually didn’t feel the same way? What if that night had been just a fluke? Hinata groaned and muttered over his complete and utter uselessness as he waited in the parking lot for Yamaguchi. They had made this sort of a tradition ever since Yamaguchi had picked him up after his time in Brazil. He loved these “Welcome, home!” car rides with Yamaguchi more than anything.

“Hey!” Yamaguchi shouted at him from a few feet away as Hinata looked up from his phone. Yamaguchi ran towards him, basically tripping over his feet to get to him.

“I missed you so much!”

“Missed you too,” Yamaguchi laughed before he pulled him into a hug. They embraced before pulling back. Anxiety was coursing through his veins and Hinata couldn’t help but move his body to try to release it, jumping up and down slightly hoping it’d get rid of the nerves.

“Someone’s happy to be back,” Yamaguchi smirked as he watched Hinata.

“Just happy to see you, Yamaguchi,” Hinata chuckled in response.

“Anything else on your mind?” Yamaguchi questioned as he hopped into the driver’s seat of his car. Hinata sighed loudly as he realized how they’d be home in 45 minutes, give or take, which was honestly more than enough time to explain his situation. Yamaguchi’s prompt was all he needed to spill everything he felt eating him up from inside.

“I see, I see,” Yamaguchi muttered after allowing Hinata to let it all out. At one point, Hinata had even buried his face in his hands in embarrassment and refused to bring his face back up.

“Well, Hinata. From what I just heard, I think what you two need is more communication. When was the last time you sat down to speak, like have a real heart to heart with each other?” Hinata paused to think, even though he knew exactly when that was _(Natsu’s birthday party. More than a month ago)._

“I don’t want to be cliché, but I think you should go for it. Explain where you’re coming from and just talk to him. Learn what he’s going through and how he’s feeling. Because you never know, you both might be feeling the exact same way but neither of you knows where to even begin.” Yamaguchi shrugged his shoulders, stealing a glance at Hinata who seemed to be contemplating all his life decisions in the passenger seat next to him. Hinata turned to look out the window at the passing trees before realizing that Yamaguchi was right.

“Just don’t overthink it. Seriously, if it feels right, it feels right, and you just need to follow your heart.”

“Thanks Yamaguchi. Never knew you were such a romantic,” Hinata chuckled as Yamaguchi snorted.

“Well, you know me. I just love _love_ ,” Hinata turned to smile at Yamaguchi sweetly, feeling much more at ease now.

This really was what friends were for.

* * *

Yamaguchi leaned against the passenger door as he watched Hinata walk up the driveway with his suitcase. Hinata turned back to wave his last goodbye, and Yamaguchi returned it with the fullest enthusiasm. He wondered what kind of food there was in the fridge and when his family would come home from his grandparents’ house. Maybe he had some time before they came home to go surprise Kageyama. He didn’t feel confident, but he thought it’d be nice if he showed up with his favorite flowers to surprise him. Hinata stuffed his keys into the doorknob but someone opened the front door before he could. And that person was the very person he had just spent an entire car ride eulogizing to Yamaguchi about.

Kageyama wore a navy polo shirt with khaki pants, attire that Hinata thought was so out of character for him _(but man did he look good)._

“Tobio? What are? What are you doing here?” Hinata stuttered as Kageyama leaned back in his chair to smile at him.

“Well, you know… just in the neighborhood,” he shrugged nonchalantly.

“Hinata-kun!” Yamaguchi shouted from behind him. Hinata had been so engrossed by Kageyama he failed to notice a car had pulled up into the driveway. Out of it came Tsukishima, Yachi, and Maki. Yachi waved excitedly as she bounded across the lawn to meet him.

“What the heck-” Hinata started before having the wind only slightly knocked out of him by her tiny body. She held him tight around the neck, giggling as Hinata managed to recover his composure.

“Guys, what is going on here?”

Yamaguchi had rushed up behind Yachi, and Tsukki and Maki trailed a few feet behind them. He was suddenly rushed again as someone darted out the front door to get to him. This time it was none other than his little sister. He wrapped her arms around her waist and laughed, burying his face in her hair.

“Natsu? I thought you were at grandma’s?” Hinata managed to step back, his suitcase long forgotten on the floor.

“Happened to come home early. These things happen,” She chuckled, keeping an arm wrapped around him. Hinata looked around at his friends and realized Tsukki and Maki were both carrying gift bags. They locked eyes and they both gave him small waves and small smiles.

“Everyone… my birthday is next week,” he looked from each one of their faces before squinting down at Natsu.

“We know that silly,” she snickered but she wouldn’t lessen her grip on him.

“But see, aren’t you surprised?” Yachi exclaimed and Hinata couldn’t help himself as tears started to creep into his eyes. He rubbed the back of his hands quickly over them to hide any evidence before he could respond.

“I sure am,”

“Happy early birthday you silly goose,” Natsu murmured before letting him go and bounding back into the house. Hinata followed her steps to find Kageyama watching him fondly from the doorway, as if he were trying to capture a mental image of this scene in his head. Hinata smiled at him and Kageyama returned it with a wink.

* * *

“You’re going to get me drunk,” Hinata laughed as he pretended to push away the beer Yachi was holding out for him.

“Well, you don’t turn 25 every day, baby boy. You're a quarter of a century old.” she kissed his forehead before returning to her spot by Maki on the opposite couch. The crew was sprawled in Hinata’s living room, engrossed in the movie Hinata had picked off Netflix. The movie was building suspense and they all seemed to be following every word (well, everyone except Yachi who continued to scroll through her phone as she snuggled into Maki’s side).

Hinata was spending equal time watching the screen as he was stealing glances at Kageyama. A plate of cake lay forgotten in his lap and he sat at the edge of his seat, a mixture of expressions crossing his face as the movie continued. He seemed to be unaware of Hinata’s stolen glances, completely captivated by the movie.

It had been a wonderful evening, better than Hinata could have ever imagined. It had been all Yachi and Yamaguchi’s doing (with a little help from Natsu), thinking it was better to surprise him a week before his birthday because than he’d really _really_ be surprised. And what a success that had been.

They cooked his favorite dish (although Tsukki couldn’t help but point out that they were eating a breakfast dish for dinner). They caught up on what had happened in the week since they had last seen each other. They played multiple rounds of UNO and drank a lot of beer and they all gave him amazing gifts that he honestly really didn’t deserve. Hinata felt so seen and loved, surrounded by some of his oldest friends. He kept growing nostalgic, realizing just how long he had known them and loved them.

He felt happy.

He felt lucky.

He felt at home.

Hinata wasn’t sure how long it’d been when he felt a gentle shake at his shoulder. “Hey,” Hinata blinked his eyes open and came face to face with Kageyama. “We didn't want to wake you, but we’re heading out,” Hinata looked around to find the living room spotless, as if no one had been there all day.

“Where is everyone?”

“Tsukishima and Yamaguchi are in the bathroom and Yachi and Maki are in the kitchen with your sister. And I’m right here next to you,” he made a move towards the wheels of his chair before Hinata held a hand out to stop him.

“Tobio,”

“What’s up?”

“Will you stay for a bit after everyone leaves? I need to do something,” Kageyama nodded, reaching over to place a hand on Hinata’s knee.

“Yea, of course,”

Hinata did his best to fight off sleep as he found Yachi in the kitchen and gave her the biggest hug he could muster.

“Thank you for everything Yacchan,”

“Anything for my favorite person ever,” she sing-songed, as she squeezed him tighter.

“You too Maki,” he held his arms open for her, and she smiled sweetly at him before hugging him tight.

“We love you Hinata,” she smirked. Tsukki and Yamaguchi met them at the front door a few minutes later, their hair tousled and their faces pink. Yachi took one look between them before rolling her eyes.

“I’m not even going to ask,” her voice was stern and Hinata couldn’t help but laugh _._

“Thanks Yamaguchi, for everything,” Hinata whispered into his ear as they embraced. He then reached out for Tsukishima even though he was sure there’d be an inevitable protest.

“Thank you, Tsukki, I appreciate you so much,” and to his surprise, Tsukishima gave in, holding him almost as tight as Yachi had.

“No comeback?”

“It’s just another birthday present from me Hinata, now don’t get too comfy,” he replied after pulling apart, but there was a mischievous, childish smile on his face.

“I’ll be sticking around for a bit, I’ll see you guys later,” Kageyama waved at them.

“Sounds good! Good night you two,” Yamaguchi announced before slipping out the front door with Tsukki following right behind him.

“I hope you enjoyed tonight Hinata, I love you so much,” Yachi pressed a quick kiss on each of them before heading out the door, with one hand clinging Maki’s. After they were alone and without even realizing it, Hinata gave a huge yawn.

“Let’s get you to bed,” Kageyama mumbled, motioning for him to follow. Hinata wanted to argue against it but his eyes were drooping, the alcohol of the night beginning to have a slight effect on him. He followed Kageyama’s lead to his bedroom and it dawned on him that last time they had been here together, they had kissed in his room. But everything from that night and this night were meshing together as he fell onto his bed, exhausted and full of food. Kageyama appeared at his bedside, pulling a blanket over him and settling close enough to him that their faces were inches apart.

“Happy early birthday Shou,” Hinata stared him in the eyes, smiling at him as if they were the only two people in the whole world. And as if he had read his mind, Kageyama leaned down and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. Hinata’s eyes shot open and Kageyama couldn’t help but chuckle at his reaction.

“I wasn’t sure if I could kiss you in front of everyone, but I’ve wanted to do that all day,”

“No way because me too!” he exclaimed, with almost too much enthusiasm, only causing Kageyama to laugh in amusement.

“Well, I’m glad you liked it, I’ll see you tomorrow and we can talk then?” Hinata thought for a split second before coming to the conclusion that the more he put this off, the more difficult it would become.

“Wait… do you wanna…. maybe stay the night with me? I really just have to get something off my chest, and I don’t know how long it’ll take for me to finish,” Kageyama gave him a questioning look, his eyebrow raised again as he mulled it over in his head, but it didn’t take him long to decide. He eagerly nodded his head, grinning from ear to ear.

“You know what, why not?” Kageyama shrugged his shoulders as Hinata cheered silently. “I just gotta go to my car to grab my backpack. I can drive again, are you proud of me?” There was a change in his expression and Hinata caught his noticeable aura of pride. Hinata felt a strong pull towards him, as if the world had suddenly collapsed and Kageyama was his new center of gravity. He stared at him in awe, losing his ability to turn away, filled with so much of his own pride and love. All he could see was Kageyama and everything else was blurry.

“Of course, I am,” his voice came out quieter than he expected but Kageyama didn’t seem to notice.

“I’ll be right back,” Hinata watched him leave the room, staring at the open doorway long after he had left. Hinata remained in bed, looking up at the ceiling, realizing just how simple this confession would be. On the train ride home, after dissecting the very idea in his head for much longer than he had wanted, he thought this would go more along the lines of pulling teeth. Dread had filled his body as he over analyzed every single word he could say to express his feelings. But now, it didn’t seem too hard.

Kageyama returned shortly, cheeks slightly rosy with a backpack in his lap but he stopped right outside the room.

“I see you Natsu,” Kageyama turned his torso to the right and Hinata sat up taller in his bed, squinting his eyes at Kageyama who turned to look at him with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“I thought you left Tobio?” She whispered in a sneaky voice, and Hinata strained his ears to listen.

“I was going to, but your brother invited me to stay,”

“I see, I see. I think I’d like a quick word,” Kageyama couldn’t help but laugh as Natsu dramatically poked her head through the doorway, her eyes landing on her brother’s.

“So, what’s up?” Her voice was nonchalant, but she gave him the little smile where her eyes twinkled and Hinata knew he was done for.

“Nothing,” he shrugged, hoping his ears weren’t turning red.

“Well, I for one am glad you’re finally telling him,” she winked at her brother before turning to Kageyama. “Good night Tobio,” she gave him a quick side hug before throwing a peace sign at Hinata.

“Later love bugs!” she called from down the hallway as Hinata buried his head in his pillow. Kageyama couldn’t stop laughing as he shut the door behind him and wheeled himself across the room.

“Well, you take some time to chill out. I just have to pee,” Hinata didn’t move from his position, only holding out a thumbs up as he lay on his back, cursing his little sister. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed as he ran through every single, possible scenario of what could happen next.

He heard Kageyama finish in the bathroom and he unwillingly uncovered his face, sitting up so his back was against the headboard. His jaw dropped slightly when he noticed Kageyama was undressed already, sitting only in his boxer briefs. He tried his best not to ogle (and was failing almost miserably). 

“So, can I borrow a shirt and some shorts for later?” Kageyama asked innocently, already looking through his dresser. Hinata realized there was a box of condoms and a bottle of lube sitting in his lap, and he wasn’t really sure why.

“Of course,” Kageyama looked over his shoulder to wink at him, a tiny sparkle in his eyes as he licked his lips.

“Thank you,” he winked again and Hinata gave a small, nervous chuckle wondering what in the world was going on. Was this another surprise?

“What are you doing?”

“I’d like to ask you the same question, _Mr. Please-Stay-Over-We-Need-To-Talk_ ,” he made air quotations in the air. “So, are we doing this or not?” He pulled out one of Hinata’s practice shirts and a pair of shorts and set them on his thighs before pushing himself towards the empty side of the bed.

“Doing what…” Hinata stared at him, his mouth open slightly with his brow furrowed. Kageyama froze mid-transfer, his hands planted firmly on the bed as he slowly looked up from his lap to match the puzzled look on Hinata’s face.

“Having sex…?” Kageyama’s expression faltered and his voice grew quiet.

“Oh…”

“ _Oh…_ ” Kageyama’s face turned a deep shade of red as he tried his best to melt into the ground (it wasn’t really working, because here he was. Still in the flesh and sitting at the side of Hinata’s childhood bed). He shut his eyes and pretended he wasn’t there, realizing just how stupid he must have been to think they would even try anything in the same house where Hinata’s parents and sister probably lay sleeping already.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, shaking his head and hastily leaning over to pull the shorts on. He always hated changing his bottoms while sitting in his wheelchair because of the awkward angle, but he must have set his own personal record as he pushed his fucking legs through the holes of the shorts to cover himself. He was so embarrassed.

Hinata could only watch in horror as his plan collapsed in front of him and it wasn’t even his fault. Everything was self-combusting before his very eyes, as he realized something must have gotten lost in translation. How could he be so stupid as to lead Kageyama on?

“Tobio, don’t worry,” Kageyama sighed in response but he still wouldn’t look him in the eye.

“I should just go home,”

“What?”

“I should leave, I’m sorry. Somehow, I managed to mess everything up and I’m so sorry,” he gave him a weak smile. “I’ll bring your clothes over later, ok?” Hinata didn’t know what came over him in the next few seconds as Kageyama made his way towards the door without a second glance. Somehow, as Hinata struggled to find the words to say, all he could think about was the heavy truth that was pressing on his chest. There was nothing else to say. And right before Kageyama could reach for the doorknob was when it all came stumbling out of him.

“I love you.” It was a simple statement, no frills or strings attached. Kageyama froze in his spot, his back still turned towards Hinata, his hands gripping the wheels of his chair so hard that his knuckles were turning white. Fuck, Hinata thought as he realized what he was about to begin but there was no stopping him.

He was a moving train and the brakes weren’t working.

“Honestly, I think I always have; I was just too much of a dumbass to realize it. Before Brazil, when we both agreed we couldn’t do long-distance, I don’t think I really meant it. I think I was just too scared of losing you. I had heard so many horror stories of couples who decide to date long-distance and they have a horrible break-up while apart and everything just goes to shit. I didn’t want that to happen to us, so I decided to whatever, “rip off the band-aid.” And then you agreed, and we were fine and that was the end of it.”

“I was stupid Tobio because even while in Brazil, I saw how much of a void you had left in me. I tried to fill it up with volleyball, I threw myself into it and I’m so proud of myself for accomplishing everything I have. But a little part of me always knew that the reason I did so well in Brazil was because I was working so hard to forget you. And well I guess it worked, because look at me now,” Hinata scoffed, shrugging his shoulders and rolling his eyes, his voice breaking up slightly as he tried so hard to repress the memories of him alone in Brazil. Kageyama finally moved to turn his chair around slowly and gaze at him, but he remained firmly by the door as if ready to escape in a second’s notice.

“I’m telling you right now, I was obsessed with that piano song I wrote you. I was so unhealthily obsessed with the idea of moving on from you and I think that’s all I thought about for so long that I managed to convince myself that I really was over you. We were just friends and that was it. I came home and we were fine. And then you almost died and my whole life flashed before my eyes and my world was turned on an axis, and everything just came crashing down around me.”

“I don’t think I could have lived without you,” he paused, shaking his head before he corrected himself.

“I don’t think I _can_ live without you.”

“Remember when I drunk called you that one night?” Kageyama nodded, his eyes still wide. He tried to say something, but his voice had somehow disappeared, his voice constricting so tight he was struggling to breath normally.

“We had just taken first in the league and I was so fucking happy that I felt on top of the world, but it didn’t matter because the only thing I could think about… was you. You’ve permeated every single facet of my life, you’ve dug your nails into my very soul, into my fucking brain,” Hinata gripped the sides of his forehead with his hands, shaking his head back and forth.

“You were in every part of me Tobio and I couldn’t think of anything… but you. And I know I was drunk out of my mind that night but everything I said was spot on. There really hasn’t been a day that goes by and I don’t think of how much I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and adopt a bunch of little babies and teach them volleyball, but only if they want to learn of course because I’m not going to force anything on anyone, that’s for sure but they’re going to find their passion and they’re going to be great at what they do, and I want to grow with you and even when we’re old and grey, I know I’ll be just as in love with you as I am today. As I was yesterday. Or as I was five years ago,”

“I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong signals or if it was something, I said that came out wrong, but I didn’t want to have sex with you today… I mean I did… in the sense that I would always want to have sex with you because you’re fucking beautiful and who wouldn’t?” Hinata chuckled to himself, nervously as he entered unknown territory that he still hadn’t figured out.

“I mean, I’ve done my research and I’m ready to try literally any position, any sex toy, any technique, I’m ready to do everything and anything, but that’s not what I wanted tonight. I just wanted you to know how I feel and now you know much more than you probably wanted to know so I’m really sorry,” Hinata forced himself to stop talking, taking a long deep breath as he closed his eyes. Because if Kageyama was about to roll out that door (which Hinata thought was much more likely than not), Hinata would much rather not be watching. It’d be easier that way and although it was a cowardly move, that’s really just who he was and there was no way he could change.

Hinata looked up startled as Kageyama pulled up next to him and touched his knee.

“I…” he stared at him with wide eyes, calculating his words carefully, his face riddled with concentration.

“I love you too.” He smiled brightly, giving a tiny laugh as he squeezed Hinata’s knee with his hand.

“That was also quite the speech.” He seemed to be searching for the right words again but as he came to terms that there really weren’t any, he reached out to grip Hinata’s hands.

“Kiss me?” It was a small and simple request but Hinata did not have to be told twice. He leaned towards him, scooting over to the edge of the bed so their knees were touching. Hinata brought his hands up to caress his cheeks gently, kissing him softly as if he touched Kageyama too roughly he would be woken up from some dream that wasn’t true. It didn’t take long for Kageyama to pull back, questioning him with his eyes.

“I’m not made of glass Shouyou,” Hinata couldn’t help but laugh but he didn’t hold back after that. He kissed him fiercely this time, wrapping his arms around his back. Then he pulled, dragging him out of his chair and onto the bed where they fell into a heap, limbs tangled.

“I say I’m not made of glass and you treat me like a fucking rag doll,”

“Sorry,” Hinata winced slightly, laying with their faces millimeters apart.

“I’m just playing,” Kageyama placed a soft kiss on his temple, breathing him in. Not wanting the moment to end, neither of them dared to move even as they both grew sleepy together. Because this was it, the start of forever. And they both knew it.

When Kageyama realized Hinata was beginning to softly snore, he gently shook him awake.

“Let’s get comfortable?” Hinata nodded, getting up to his knees to change directions on the bed, falling backwards as his head fell on the pillow and he kicked his legs out. Kageyama used the headboard to pull himself parallel to Hinata, picking up his legs so they’d follow.

Kageyama turned over onto his stomach with the right side of his face resting on the pillow. He had a view of Hinata’s chest and face and watched as Hinata ran a hand up and down his shirtless back. For a second he lost feeling of Hinata’s hand which meant it had crawled too far below his scar. The scar from the emergency surgery following the accident where surgeons had removed the pieces of his shattered vertebrae from his spinal cord. Kageyama was thankful for its location at the bottom of his back because he rarely caught glimpses of it.

Hinata stopped crawling his hand up his back and pulled it away, an intentional look on his face as he stared straight into Kageyama’s eyes.

“What?” Kageyama asked curiously.

“I just think your scar is beautiful. Yacchan always said Kiyoko-san’s track scars were like badges of honor and I think she’s right. This baby right here,” Kageyama watched Hinata point to the spot on his back.

“This is a badge of honor,” Hinata’s words were accompanied by a large, toothy grin that seemed to make his eyes sparkle and Kageyama felt warm inside. Hinata’s smile was one of the things he had missed the most when Hinata had left for Brazil. It was a smile that drove away darkness, one that gave you the feeling that everything was going to be ok.

“Only you could take one of the things I’m most self-conscious about and make me feel proud of it,”

“Well, it’s true,” Hinata took the opportunity to lean over and kiss his temple softly.

“You know, I really thought you were about to leave because wasn’t my speech kind of insane?” Hinata whispered, staring up at the ceiling as he began to rub circles into Kageyama’s back.

“I suppose it was kind of insane,”

“You think so, right?”

“Yea… but I would have said the exact same thing. Probably not as elegantly though,” Hinata couldn’t help but laugh.

“You found that elegant?”

“You bet I did,”

“Weirdo,"

“Dumbass,”

“Jerk.”

Hinata nuzzled his face into Kageyama’s hair, kissing his head and wrapping an arm around his back to squeeze him tight. “Life’s better with you in it Shouyou,” Kageyama whispered.

Hinata wished he never had to let go.

* * *

There was an unavoidable silence at the kitchen table the next morning as Hinata, Kageyama, and Natsu sat together, eating pancakes that Natsu had so graciously made for everyone. Both of their parents were at work and Natsu was on summer vacation, free as a bird. She seemed to be holding back as she stared at them making small talk over their pancakes, not missing the moments where Hinata’s fingers would linger on Kageyama’s skin for longer than necessary or the way Kageyama could not stop smiling no matter what.

Suddenly, as if she were a ticking time bomb, she exploded.

“I CANNOT take this anymore!” she exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air and Hinata and Kageyama both looked up at her, shocked.

“What is going on with you two? You’re acting like two awkward sixth graders at their middle school dance. I literally want to throw up just watching you,” she rose to her feet, planting her palms flat on the table before staring at them both expectantly. Hinata and Kageyama exchanged glances, speaking to each other with their body language before mutually deciding to come clean.

“You can sit, Natsu,” Hinata motioned at her seat with his hand but Natsu stood firmly, crossing her arms across her chest in defiance.

“Well,” he coughed, looking over at Kageyama before looking up at his little sister.

“We’re together. We haven’t really put a label on it, but I told him how I felt, he told me how he felt and well, I think we’re on the same page. Right, Tobio?” he chuckled nervously, reaching his hand over to clutch Kageyama’s.

“Yes, we are,” he squeezed Hinata’s hand tightly before looking up at Natsu.

“You’re the first person we tell Natsu,” Kageyama began before he was cut off as she nearly toppled over her feet to get to them from around the table. In a second she was wrapping her arms around Kageyama’s shoulders and squeezing him with all her might.

“I’m so happy,” she cried. “Welcome back Tobio,” Hinata watched his little sister envelope Kageyama in her arms and he couldn’t help but bite his lip, fighting the urge not to cry.

* * *

Later that morning as Kageyama helped Natsu wash the dishes, Hinata pulled out his phone to send a quick text to his group chat with the boys. As he typed, he couldn’t stop beaming no matter how hard he tried.

Time: 11:31 AM

To: MSBY 4 (Bokuto, Atsumu, Sakusa)

TOBIO SAID YES !!?!?!!! 😌

Time: 11:31 AM

To: MSBY 4 (Bokuto, Atsumu, Sakusa)

Guess who’s cuffed boys ??

Time: 11:31 AM

To: MSBY 4 (Bokuto, Atsumu, Sakusa)

Me. It’s me. Me. I’m cuffed 🥺🤪

Time: 11:32 AM

From: Bokuto

OH MY GOD

Time: 11:32 AM

From: Bokuto

OH MY GOD

Time: 11:32 AM

From: Bokuto

OH MY GOD

Time: 11:33 AM

From: Bokuto

OH MY GOD

Time: 11:33 AM

From: Bokuto

OH MY GOD

Time: 11:34 AM

From: Atsumu

I might cry.

Time: 11:34 AM

From: Atsumu

Correction, I am crying 😭

(Attachment)

Time: 11:34 AM

From: Atsumu

Tears of joy, people, these are tears of joy.

Time: 11:35 AM

From: Sakusa

congrats man! 😆 so fucking proud of you

Time: 11:35 AM

From: Bokuto

GUYS I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW

Time: 11:34 AM

From: Atsumu

I am too. We love you lots Shou-kun 🥰

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a lot of headcanons but one of my favorite ones is Natsu being her brother and Kageyama's biggest fan :')


	13. And if my wishes came true, it would have been you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a couple chapters ago I wrote a drunk Hinata and thought it was about time I gave drunk Kageyama a try :) fun times y'all fun times

If he could, Kageyama would have given Hinata the world for his 25th birthday. This was a problem that plagued him for weeks when he realized there just wasn’t anything in the world that could even come close to demonstrating the amount of love Kageyama held in his heart for him. Eventually, he settled on a thin gold rope chain, a dinner date at the fanciest restaurant in Miyagi, and a commissioned framed painting of them together. A little bit of everything.

But definitely not enough. 

* * *

It was their first date in more than four years but as Hinata stared into Kageyama’s blue eyes from across the table, he realized it really didn’t matter how long it had been since their last date. There was something about just being in Kageyama’s presence that made him feel right at home, almost as if no time had passed.

They both thought their date had been going along splendidly. Kageyama had started off by gifting him his gold chain, which Hinata immediately put on, admiring how good it looked against his black dress shirt. Their conversation flowed almost perfectly without random pauses, they were making each other laugh effortlessly, and stealing quick glances at each other when they thought the other was looking away. For a second, it felt like they were both back in high school, too nervous and too cowardly to admit their love for one another. Nothing felt off because everything felt so right and it wasn’t until Hinata reached for their bottle of wine and his hand gripped an empty bottle instead of a full one, that he realized something was wrong.

Perhaps Hinata hadn’t noticed because of the joy he felt. Perhaps he hadn’t noticed because no matter how hard he tried not to, he found himself getting lost in Kageyama’s blue eyes. Or perhaps he hadn’t noticed because he hadn’t thought there would be a problem. They had each drank a glass after ordering a bottle for the table, but in the hour since the bottle had arrived, Hinata hadn’t served himself another glass. And now it was empty. Completely empty. Kageyama had finished the rest all by himself. And if Hinata hadn’t realized something was off before _(which he was stupid not to, because like what the fuck?),_ he surely realized it now. 

“Happy birthday Shouyou, I am so glad we’re finally on a date,” Kageyama emphasized every syllable, with slurred words, and reached across the table to grip Hinata’s hands. They were so tight Hinata couldn’t pull away even if he wanted to. 

“Me too, Tobio,” Hinata stared into his eyes but he couldn’t tear himself away. Kageyama reached for his glass of water but his hand was shaking and Hinata knew exactly what was about to happen. His hand knocked into the glass, spilling water all across the table and his front, and Kageyama froze in shock. He stared at the water with a puzzled expression while Hinata jumped into action, using their napkins to pat down the table, not wanting to receive any attention from the waiters. The restaurant was still buzzing and only the people closest to them had noticed what had happened.

Thankfully, everyone returned to their dinners and Hinata let out a quiet sigh of relief. He knew the last thing Kageyama would want in a moment like this was unwanted and excessive attention, so he quickly tried to take care of the situation. 

As Hinata finished soaking up the rest of the water off the table, Kageyama remained motionless, staring down at the water that had fallen in his lap as if asking it how it got there. Hinata sighed and waved over a waiter, slipping him his credit card.

“Tobio,” Kageyama looked up from his lap to frown at Hinata. “Are you ok?” He passed him napkins, motioning with his hand that he should use them on his lap. Kageyama took them shakily but pressed them against his thighs and crotch, a frown etched permanently on his face.

“It’s ok love, don’t worry about it. Come on, the number of times you’ve seen me spill things when I was drunk? How many would that be?” Hinata cracked a little smile, hoping he could get Kageyama to stop frowning. He still looked entranced in another world, but as if gears were slowing turning in his head, a gentle smile creeped in and he laughed quietly. 

“A million times,” 

“Exactly,” Hinata replied, with a raised finger and Kageyama seemed to return to ease. The waiter returned at that exact moment with Hinata’s credit card and the receipt. Hinata slipped bills out of his wallet and placed them on the table before returning his undivided attention to the man sitting right across from him. 

“We’re going home now, ok?” Kageyama nodded his head sheepishly in reply. Hinata watched as he unlocked his wheelchair breaks and began to push himself away from the table. He was definitely moving slower and with less precision than normal, but he knew he wouldn’t intervene unless Kageyama asked him to. Instead, Hinata followed right behind him as they made their way down the aisle and towards the front door of the restaurant. Kageyama made his way slowly down the ramp and once in the parking lot, Hinata fell in line next to him. He watched him closely and could see that Kageyama’s face was riddled with concentration as if every movement took a great deal of effort. His eyebrows were furrowed, and his face was flushed as he bit his lip. 

Kageyama’s transfer into the car was anything but beautiful. Hinata stood back to give him space to breathe but when it was obvious Kageyama’s hand was about to slip and he was going to fall backwards, Hinata jumped in to support him. 

“Hold onto me,” Kageyama nodded in reply and gripped Hinata’s shoulder, as he slid into the passenger seat, his legs falling in awkwardly after him. Kageyama fumbled with his seatbelt as Hinata took care of taking apart his wheelchair and storing it in the back seat.

When Hinata finally slid into the driver’s seat, Kageyama watched him intently but his eyes were glazed over, and his mind was somewhere else. 

Kageyama wasn’t sure why he kept on drinking that night. Perhaps it was because the birthday date was going so well _(until it wasn’t)_ that he hadn’t even noticed how much he was drinking. The couple was in complete sync that night, completing each other’s sentences and laughing the entire night. Kageyama honestly could not remember the last time he had let down all his walls or the last time he had felt this happy and weightless, as if he were floating on air.

Hinata, on the other hand, could not remember the last time he had felt this comfortable. In Kageyama’s presence, under the gaze of his steady, blue eyes is where Hinata felt most at peace. He was absolutely positive they were the last thing he wanted to see before he fell asleep, and the first thing he wanted to see when he woke up. 

Nothing was wrong because everything was just so right. Kageyama sat in Hinata’s passenger seat trying to remember how many glasses of wine he had drank, and it honestly couldn’t have been more than three in total. But what he had failed to realize was that his tolerance for alcohol had completely diminished in the last six months. That night he had surpassed his tolerance for alcohol after just one glass of wine. It wasn’t until Kageyama was laughing at every word Hinata spoke as if he had just told the world’s funniest joke, when he realized he had gotten drunk without even meaning to. And he had just ruined the best night he had had in a very long time. 

When they pulled into Kageyama’s empty driveway, Kageyama was still lost in his thoughts. 

“Tobio?” Hinata’s voice pulled him out of his own mind, and he turned slowly to stare at him. 

“You’re home.” Home: that was a word he really liked. Kageyama smirked at him, laughing to himself, earning himself a concerned eyebrow raise. 

“Oh, it’s just… Shou, you’re my home. A house isn’t my home because home is wherever you are,” he mused and failed to notice the tears that sprang into Hinata’s eyes. Nor did he notice Hinata quickly wipe them away with the back of his hand. 

Hinata had to help Kageyama back onto his wheelchair, as his arms continued to shake when he attempted to lift his body. He couldn’t breathe easy until Kageyama was safely back inside his house, making his way to his bedroom as he muttered things to himself, laughing as if he were the only one present. Once in his bedroom, he began to peel off his clothes, starting with his blazer and tie as Hinata settled onto the edge of his bed.

“Want a hand?” Hinata called from the bed, watching Kageyama struggle with his tie. Kageyama looked up startled.

“Oh, hey Shouyou,” he laughed to himself, but shook his head. 

“Don’t worry about me. I’m strong, I’m independent, and I can do this on my own,” he ripped his tie off as if to prove his point and Hinata couldn’t help but chuckle. But as Kageyama tried to messily unbutton his pants, with his hands slipping over the buttons, Hinata sighed, realizing there was no way he could go home and leave Kageyama alone and very, very drunk. His parents were away on a trip visiting family on the other side of the country and wouldn’t return until Monday. Hinata cursed under his breath silently, because ironically, he hadn’t planned to go home anyway. He had hoped birthday sex was one of the birthday presents in store for him.

“Well, uhm, I’m going to go to the bathroom,” Kageyama announced, and Hinata realized he had finally unbuttoned his dress pants.

“Shout for me if you need me?” Hinata yelled after him, slightly anxious, as Kageyama closed the door behind him. He wanted to run after him to make sure everything went ok, but he knew he needed to give him privacy. If Kageyama needed him, he’d call for him. His heart was racing as he waited to rush into the bathroom. But as minutes passed and there was no call for him, he slowly began to relax. He laid back on the bed, staring at the ceiling, straining to hear what Kageyama was doing in the bathroom. But it was silent albeit the occasional scuffling of Kageyama’s wheels on the bathroom tile. Hinata didn’t know how much time had passed when he finally heard a soft whine of “Shouyou?”

Hinata leapt to his feet as quickly as he could and urgently knocked on the bathroom door. After a couple seconds, Kageyama piped up in response.

“Come in,” Hinata slipped through the door and came face to face with Kageyama, a frown of defeat once again etched on his face and his eyebrows furrowed in disappointment. A towel was draped across his crotch and an opened catheter and bottle of lube sat forgotten on the bathroom floor.

“So, I think I’ve decided I’m just not going to pee tonight. I’m going to will my bladder and it’s just going to listen to me for once and forget my spine is a little fucked up. I can totally do this, it shouldn’t be that hard, right?” his words were still slurring slightly, and he was staring angrily at his hands in his lap as if appalled by their betrayal. 

“Tobio, what’s wrong?”

“I have to cath myself, but I can’t stop shaking and I don’t want to hurt myself,” his voice was filled with sadness and his face was twisted in an alarmed frown. 

“That’s ok, love, I can help,” Hinata definitely didn’t know the first thing about using a catheter, but he was about to wiki-how this bitch so hard and figure it out. He realized he must have gotten lost in thought and looked like he was internally freaking out which in turn was causing Kageyama to panic.

“Hey, it’s ok, we got this, we got this,” Hinata said softly, reaching over to grip his hands as an idea came to him.

“Here. You just do your thing, but I’ll keep your hands steady, ok? Do you think that will work?” Kageyama paused before nodding quickly, his eyebrows still furrowed with a slight frown on his face. He grabbed a clean catheter from his toiletry bag and ripped it open. Hinata held onto him to steady his hands, as he went through the motions of applying lube and pulling the towel off his crotch to reveal his penis. Hinata looked away as Kageyama continued but held onto him firmly to stop him from shaking. Before they both knew it, the catheter was in and doing its job, releasing urine into the empty toilet the way it was supposed to. Hinata let go of him and stepped back as Kageyama grabbed the towel again to cover his crotch, his face flushed with embarrassment.

“Tobio, I’ve seen your dick before, and I love it so much. Don’t worry about it,” Kageyama nodded his head, a slight smile twitching at his lips.

“And I’ve seen yours, Shou,” he looked up at him grinning.

“Yes, you have. Like a million times,” Hinata smirked, chuckling softly. Kageyama sighed, bringing a hand up to rub his eyes, exhaustion settling in. Hinata gave him a quick kiss on his head before heading towards the door.

“I’ll wait out here for you, ok?”

“Ok, Shouyou,”

* * *

Hinata sprawled across Kageyama’s comforter, as he started up at the ceiling with a million thoughts rushing through his brain. Fatigue was also definitely on his mind as he let his eyes fall while listening to Kageyama’s quiet humming. Ok so... tonight hadn’t exactly been a success but it hadn’t been a complete failure either.

He heard a faucet turn off and Kageyama’s wheels across the bathroom tile, and he shot up to a sitting position the second he saw his face poke out of the bathroom door.

“Hey, you,” Hinata smiled at him and was met with a toothy, lopsided grin. Kageyama’s pants were unbuckled and pulled slightly down, revealing the top of his boxer briefs, and the top buttons of his shirt had been unbuckled.

“Hi,” Kageyama responded with a smile. Hinata watched as he wheeled himself to the side of the bed and put his wheelchair brakes down in place. He slowly slid his torso to the edge of his chair and then bent forward, as if trying to save up some sort of momentum. His arms were shaking under his weight and Hinata didn’t know whether to jump up or stay rooted to his spot on the bed. Hinata watched in anticipation as Kageyama held his position with wobbly arms for a few more seconds.

“One, two, three,” Kageyama muttered under his breath, his body in total concentration as he built up all his strength for this final transfer of the night. They both gave equal sighs of relief as Kageyama finally slipped his butt onto the bed, falling backwards onto his pillow with his legs dangling over the side of the bed.

“I’m dead Shouyou, I can’t move anymore, asdfghjkl,” the last part was gibberish and Hinata couldn’t help but chuckle.

“So, this is how you’re falling asleep huh? With only half your body on the bed?” Hinata asked quietly, watching with a small grin as Kageyama groaned and covered his eyes.

“Guess so,” came his mumble in reply as he stifled a yawn. Hinata laughed softly and jumped to his feet.

“I got your legs, ok?” Kageyama pulled his hands away from his face to look him in the eyes before nodding in agreement. As Hinata gingerly grabbed his ankles and pulled them up onto the bed, Kageyama giggled.

“That tickles!”

“You can you feel your ankles?”

“Nope, just playing,” he responded, popping the p in “nope” dramatically, his eyes twinkling childishly as he laughed. Hinata felt light in his stomach as if he had just gotten off a rollercoaster. He opened a drawer of Kageyama’s dresser and pulled out a t-shirt and pajama pants. Hinata turned back around, sitting at the edge of the bed before holding out the t-shirt.

“Here love, put this on,” Kageyama eyed him skeptically, a yawn escaping his mouth before pushing his torso up into a sitting position.

“Only because you called me love,” he smirked, messily unbuckling the rest of his dress shirt. He pulled it off over his head as Hinata watched him silently, not missing the outline of Kageyama’s abs.

“Hey, my eyes are up here Shouyou,”

It was Hinata’s turn to look away sheepishly as Kageyama laughed loudly.

“Shouyou thinks I’m hoooottttt,” he sing-songed. He lay back down on his back, yawning as Hinata laughed.

“Well, of course, handsome. Pajama pants?”

“No thanks,” Kageyama replied firmly, shaking his head.

“But you’re still in your dress pants?”

“And?”

“Are they comfy?”

Kageyama shrugged before replying with a simple, “Well, I can’t feel them silly,”

“Oh,” Hinata sighed.

“But you can pull them off if you want, I usually sleep without pants anyways,” Kageyama remained frozen on the bed, eyes closed and yawning silently. Hinata waited a couple seconds before reaching for the loops of Kageyama’s dress pants and pulling them down and off his legs. He quickly folded them and set them down on his bedside table.

“Good night, love. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Hinata bent down to kiss him, waiting for a few seconds in silence as his lips rested on his forehead. To Hinata’s surprise, Kageyama opened his eyes and Hinata was met with those blue eyes that he loved so dearly.

“You’re not staying?” Kageyama’s voice was quiet as the drunkenness of the night was replaced with sleep.

“Well, I was going to sleep on the couch to give you some space. Do you want me to stay here?”

“Please,”

Hinata nodded his head, bringing his hand up to caress Kageyama’s cheek. He wasted no time stripping down to his underwear and socks before crawling into bed and pulling the comforter over their bodies. Hinata wrapped his own legs around Kageyama’s and rested his right arm across his stomach. He buried his face into the crook of his neck, breathing him in as Kageyama wrapped his arm around Hinata’s neck, letting his hand rest on his shoulder. They didn’t move after that, listening to each other’s heartbeats in silence. Hinata wished they could stay like this forever, wanting nothing more than to stay clinging to Kageyama for the rest of his life.

“Hey Shouyou,” Kageyama whispered, before falling asleep.

“Yea love?”

“I’m sorry for ruining your birthday tonight,” Hinata chuckled before pressing a kiss into his neck.

“Don’t worry. I think it turned out alright,” he squeezed him a little tighter and felt Kageyama return the embrace. Neither of them remember finally drifting off but both of them slept better than they had in months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi folks! this was originally supposed to be part of a longer chapter which is why it's so short but I have midterms coming up and I've decided to put a pause on this for a few weeks so I can get my midterms done and then fully dedicate my free time to finally finishing this up <3 last midterm paper is due in two weeks on Feb 23 so catch the next chapter by the end of the month!! I have an outline and I'm ready to write but I know that if I don't stop myself early I'll completely procrastinate all my midterms. I definitely have done it before but thought I might as well finish my last semester of college strong.
> 
> sending you all my best wishes <3 I'll be back soon! until then <3


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